


One Day, It Will All Be Worth It

by naevia_nadia



Series: Stars Hide Your Fires [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aesthetic of this fic could be described as 'florence and the machine', Command power couple kylux, Competent Kylo Ren, Engineer Hux, M/M, Physical vs. Psychological vs. Metaphysical descriptions of kylux/the universe/ etc., References a lot of cool science, References the monomyth of the hero's journey, Soft Kylux, Soft existentialism, Space Aesthetics, We're going from the known to the unknown y'all, but also 'danger zone'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 80,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7058482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naevia_nadia/pseuds/naevia_nadia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know this phrase well."  </p><p>"Those words were only said to placate me.  They mean nothing to me now."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hux vs. First Order Engineering

**Author's Note:**

> Since I'm finally done with my first year of college, I can finally be an active participant in the Kylux fandom. 
> 
>  
> 
> Whoop whoop!  
>  
> 
> Here's my little meme/ Kylux blog for those interested: [@lady-starkiller](http://lady-starkiller.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> All that's left to say is I hope you enjoy this first chapter!

It is not often that General Hux is summoned to a TIE fighter wing onboard the _Finalizer_ , but considering the catastrophe that was Starkiller Base, he should have expected the ping to one day sound on his comm. The destruction of Starkiller Base not only resulted in the loss of a very expensive and personable weapon, but it also caused so many casualties that Hux has not yet made it through the deceased officer list, much less the one for deceased Stormtrooper squadrons. 

 

The loss of Stormtroopers is definitely not a good thing, but it cannot compare to the loss of specialized officers. Mechanics. Engineers. Even the TIE fighter pilots, considering that they are not technically Stormtroopers and fall more so into the officer rank. 

 

The signs of this loss are visible almost everywhere on the _Finalizer_. Stormtrooper activity and patrol is down, though Captain Phasma continues to direct her troops in the same manner as before Starkiller imploded. Officers are few and far between. 

 

Hux especially sees this where he is standing on the main bridge of his ship. Only a week ago, there were dozens of officers milling about or managing their stations. Now, only ten officers—plus Hux—were on the bridge, even during Alpha Shift. Most of them slump at their station, eyes glazed over as they gaze at their stations’ screens in hope that perhaps they would be able to limp back to the main fleet deep in the Outer Rim. It is so quiet that the mechanical hum of the ship’s hyperdrive engines could be heard, but Hux knows it is only a matter of time before those have problems. The so-called “blast radius” from the imploding Starkiller knocked into the ship quite ferociously, and engineering had previously reported problems to Hux the day before. 

 

Now, they summon Hux once more. Hux’s comm pings again, as if the sound is a reminder that his ship and his crew are on a path to be truly fucked. Again. 

 

Hux pulls out his comm from a pocket in his tunic and opens the message from engineering. Although his engineers are nothing if not professional, Hux can detect a hint of desperation radiating from the message. He knows that the chief engineer would not summon him for help unless it was an absolute necessity. Judging by her message, this problem is one.

> General,  
>  Due to complications with TIE fighter repairs, the _Finalizer_ and her defenses are not operating at max capacity, especially considering that the implosion blast disrupted some key anti-spacecraft guns mounted on her hull. As such, knowing of your training in engineering and experience with TIE’s, I would request your mechanical support in Hangar 8 in restoring the TIE’s to flying and fighting capability.
> 
> LCDR Rhodona

Hangar 8 is closer to the bridge than the other hangars, but it will still be a long while before Hux would arrive. Judging by the lieutenant commander’s language, Hux would probably be there for quite a while, if the damn birds can’t even fly much less fight. Therefore, Hux resolves to leave immediately, in hopes that he could return to the bridge at the end of Beta or beginning of Gamma shift.

 

Hux turns away from his station and begins walking down the elevated beam that was lifted above the other officer stations. As he passes a young, skittish looking officer, he says, “Mitaka, you have the bridge.” 

 

Mitaka jumps slightly in his seat, as if Hux had screamed the order directly into his ear rather than spoke it in passing, but he replies dutifully, “Yes, sir.” 

 

With the transfer of command complete, Hux quickens his pace out the bridge and into one of the major connecting hallways. As his pace increases, his stride shrinks so that the steps his booted feet make on the durasteel flooring clack in rhythmic beats that remind Hux of marches he would attend at present and had participated in as cadet. Almost subconsciously, Hux begins silently counting his steps as his drill instructor would have done aloud. 

 

One. Two. Three. Four. 

 

Hux passes an asteroid monitoring room that was completely uninhabited. Those who had survived Starkiller were repurposed into other departments. Considering the damage the _Finalizer_ had already sustained, a couple of asteroids couldn’t make the ship any more broken. 

 

One. Two. Three. Four. Hux continues his solitary march. 

 

Later, as he is winding a corner, Hux passes a systems monitoring room that is completely slashed up, as if molten durasteel had been thrown upon the computer systems and left to cool after their destruction. Slash marks dig into the walls as if a massive clawed beast had suddenly taken up residence on Hux’s ship without him knowing. 

 

Hux knows exactly what sort of beast caused this destruction, but he finds himself unwilling to think about a problem that is unfixable to him right now. Kylo Ren, unlike the TIE’s, cannot be fixed by replacing mechanical parts. The best Hux can do for Ren now is to let him recover from Starkiller in the medical wing. Hux is only glad that Hangar 8 is nowhere near the ship’s main medical wing. He can only focus on one problem at a time. 

 

Hux continues his silent march towards Hangar 8, and as he walks down the hallway, he notices that his crew has reappeared. Many of them are the engineers and mechanics who called for his aide and thus are so frazzled that they barely remember to salute Hux as he passes. Those who do often have uniforms that are so dirty or poorly done up that Hux would write them up for a violation. One such mechanic is unaware that in the process of saluting her general, she leaves a crisp line of oil imprinted on her face like a scar. 

 

After he enters Hangar 8, Hux spots Rhodona, his chief engineer, standing on a crate and gesturing semi-wildly at the TIE behind her. Her audience is a group of her subordinate engineers who take her instructions and direct them to their own teams of mechanics. Hux finds that this system of delegation works well, but with Rhodona so worked up over the number of mechanical issues on ship, Hux knows that she will not allow herself to remain idle for long. 

 

Rhodona finally notices why her department is splitting down the middle and sees Hux making his way towards her congregation. “General!” she shouts and jumps off her crate to push past the crowd before her in order to reach Hux. She reaches him almost breathless and immediately launches into the problems her department faces. 

 

“General, first of all, thank you for responding to my message. You’re of course aware of the extent of the damage, and considering I lost a lot of highly-trained personnel, I thought it prudent to recruit other experienced officers from different departments.” Hux cannot tell if Rhodona took a single breath in that entire speech, but before he can cut in, Rhodona directs him towards a corner of the hangar with suspiciously intact looking TIE’s. She continues with, “So the ones we’re going to be looking at were actually never on Starkiller, so they didn’t participate in any dogfights and don’t have any flak damage. My engineers believed them to be fine, but when we tried to start them up, their engines wouldn’t catch.” 

 

Hux always forgets that Rhodona’s accent is so different from the standard Imperial that he, as a cadet, learned was the tongue of the glorious Empire. Hux, along with his class, thus changed their speech accordingly so that the Empire would continue in their generation, regardless of their exile in the Outer Rim. Rhodona, it seems, simply has never cared that the lilting and rolling accent of hers is considered inferior to the clipped Imperial. 

 

On way to the far corner of the hangar, Hux cuts in to the conversation. “It sounds as though the problem is in the engines themselves. Both the TIE’s and the _Finalizer_ herself share a version of the ion engine, and considering that you previously reported problems with her engines, it would be sound to suggest that the TIE’s are experiencing a similar issue.”

 

Rhodona is nodding along to Hux’s assessment. Finally, they reach the far corner of Hangar 8 where Rhodona was leading Hux. Before them are the intact TIE’s that are experiencing the mysterious problems with their engines. Of all the ships aboard the _Finalizer_ , Hux expected the battle-worn ships to be the most problematic; yet it is the intact ones, which had remained aboard his ship, which are broken. 

 

Hux asks Rhodona the obvious questions. “Are the solar panels working properly?”

 

“We ran diagnostics on them, but the sim tells us that the panels are working fine. Electrical measurement was at 98% effectiveness.” 

 

“What of the ion engines?”

 

“The same situation. Diagnostics say the engines should work. We even compared the results to one of the battle-shredded TIE’s, and they both had equivalent effectiveness. Both should work.”

 

“And I am correct to assume that we do not have the capabilities to replace the ion engines?” 

 

Rhodona gives Hux a look that she slightly reins in in respect of Hux’s rank. Even still, Hux asks the question knowing Rhodona will respond in the negative. Actually taking out an ion engine from its outer casing is not doable in this hangar and requires the TIE to be brought to port. Currently, the _Finalizer_ is nowhere near a port or base. The closest base is scattering throughout the galaxy at the moment. 

 

Rhodona though huffs a laugh and crosses her arms at Hux’s last question. “You know, sir, considering the laws of engineering, I can guarantee that what you just said is exactly how we fix the problem. It’s typical that it’s the one solution not available to us right now.”

 

Hux quirks his lips slightly at his chief engineer’s declaration. She may be slightly insubordinate at times, but Hux knows that it stems from her knowledge that Hux was trained the same way she was and thus can understand the complicated mechanics that involve First Order spacecraft. Many others in high command, include much of the Admiralty, cannot say the same. For Hux, this is a point of pride, if it comes from an elitist source. 

 

The two engineers gaze up at the TIE fighter they had walked to. Bracketed by two thirteen-foot, hexagonal-shaped solar panels, the cockpit was small and almost insignificant as it was dwarfed by its shield-like appendages. It is too often that pilots actually do use their solar panels as shields, as in vac-fights, a pilot can recover from a damaged panel if their engines remain uncompromised. It is quite a different story in atmo-fights, where the inherent instability of the TIE means that it has little dynamic stability even when whole. 

 

This particular TIE is of a newer model, so that the pilot can hoist themselves up and into the cockpit, thus saving time in case of a surprise attack. The older models had significantly larger solar panels and thus would require a ground crew to literally heft a pilot up and through the cockpit hatch if there was not a proper docking facility for the spacecraft. 

 

Still, even with that improvement, particularly small pilots have to use something akin to a stepping box to reach the cockpit hatch. They are the ones who complain to engineering for an even shorter TIE. Engineering then directs the aggrieved pilot to an even larger stepping box. 

 

Hux considers everything that could have damaged the TIE’s from their construction to Jakku to Starkiller to now. The only significant event he can think of is, of course, the implosion of Starkiller Base. The only question is: what could the implosion of a planet do to a stationary TIE fighter? 

 

The solution comes to Hux suddenly, a solution so obvious that he wants to pinch his nose and sigh deeply to himself. Yet he speaks to Rhodona nonchalantly, if only to cover up for the fact that he has only just thought of it. “Have you considered the engines on a sub-atomic level? Starkiller Base’s core was technically composed of an absorbed star. Therefore, we can treat its implosion like we would a shock wave from a supernova.”

 

Rhodona, apparently, does not feel the need to cover up her embarrassment at now making the connection. She loudly groans and stares up at the high ceiling of the hangar, as if asking some higher power why she must bear this. 

 

Hux finds that he agrees with her, if only in principle. 

 

“Damn shock wave could have blasted off the electrons in the ion engines.”

 

Hux interjects with another proposed cause. “Perhaps the destabilization of Starkiller’s geomagnetic field is also a cause.”

 

Rhodona finally looks down from the ceiling to meet Hux’s gaze. Her eyes seem very tired, yet spark with a drive that can only occur when an engineering solution can finally be discussed. 

 

“General Hux, sir, I thank you for your input, but the blasting off of electrons and the complete destabilization of electrons require very different solutions. And I can’t even think of a way, with the resources we have, to test which one it is!” 

 

Hux looks away from her and back at the TIE. He thinks he won’t need a stepping box to access the cockpit sitting above him. “I can think of one. But I’ll need a high-powered magnet and a way to access the engine’s outer casing. Do you have the tools to do so?”

 

Rhodona nods once at him, understanding now what Hux plans to do. “Yes, sir, we do.” She then turns and leaves to go get it, forgetting that she could technically delegate the fetch task to a subordinate. 

 

Having confirmed that he will get his magnet, Hux takes off his belt and tunic. In his experience, Hux knows that it’s impossible to open up a TIE’s belly and not become absolutely filthy. This precaution leaves him in his black tank top officers wear underneath their uniforms. 

 

Hux folds his tunic and sets it down beside his belt, along with his personal comm, on a tool-covered table to his left. He grabs the tools that are used to open up the panel surrounding an ion engine and puts the small tools in his jodhpurs’ pockets and the larger ones in his waistband. That taken care of, he walks over to the TIE so that he is standing below its tiny cockpit. The circular hatch to get into the spaceship is directly above him. Hux reaches up to grab at the two handles on the hatch and twists to the right. The hatch, as it should, repressurizes to the artificial atmo of the _Finalizer_ with a drawn-out hiss as the air molecules travel from the comparatively high pressure of the TIE to the external, slightly lower pressure. A gust of air blows out to hit Hux in the face, and he squints. 

 

When the air transfer is complete, Hux pulls down on the handles to slightly open the hatch. He then lets go, so that the artificial gravity can do the rest of the work and pull the hatch door down perpendicular to the hangar floor. 

 

A ladder is built into the hatch and the rungs constructed so that they continue into the interior of the cockpit. Hux can easily reach the first rung and so decides to grab the second one and then hoist himself up with his upper body. His feet would then land on the first rung. Still, the position will look particularly awkward, as his ass will be the only thing visible to outside onlookers, and so Hux gazes around the hangar to make sure his crewmen are occupied. 

 

Everyone is busy, and Hux grabs the second rung with two hands. He bends his knees and jumps, making a slight grunt at the use of his often unexercised upper body. He crunches his torso with much more ease and then shoves his legs on the first rung. Hux exhales once in that hunched position before climbing up the cockpit hatch. He reaches into the TIE and grabs a handhold installed for a pilot to heave themselves into the interior. Hux pulls his legs in and sits against the main structural support beam in the middle of the fighter. 

 

Since no one is watching him, Hux sinks against the pillar, pulls his legs into a crossed position and says to himself, “We should invest in squatter TIE’s.” He exhales loudly through his nose and tips his head back to rest against the beam. The dark silence of the TIE’s interior is usually vaguely unsettling, but as Hux has not slept more than three hours a night the past week, he thinks it soothing. To Hux, it reminds him of a world within another world, one that is created only for the pilot within this TIE’s belly. He can barely hear the hum of the _Finalizer’s_ hyperdrive engines. Hux’s eyes close. 

 

Only to snap open as some engineer drops the galaxy’s largest piece of machinery right on the floor of the hangar. Hux can already hear the poor engineer’s superior yelling at them. The sound takes Hux away from his drift into some attempt at rest. He reaches down to his pants and takes the flashlight out of his waistband, turns it on and sticks it in his mouth. Hux needs both hands to access the engine, and it would be a bit cramped if another person tried to wedge themselves in. 

 

Hux bends his knees and folds them so that his feet are facing the left and his knees the right, in the direction of the right ion engine. Hux then rolls off the beam and onto his right side, catching himself on his hand so that he is propped up. He begins to shuffle his way towards the right ion engine. The light beam from his flashlight creates a perfect circle on the curved wall of the cockpit. Hux notices that as he moves, it oscillates with his motion. 

 

This particular model of a TIE fighter can only hold one crewman, a pilot, due to its designation as a scout craft. The seat is screwed onto an oval shaped platform, so that there is room for supplies or other items to sit on the crescent-shaped depression that Hux is currently sitting on. Hux recognizes the need for the cockpit seat platform to extend to the walls of the TIE. Yet he cannot help but curse whoever designed this TIE model because unlike in larger TIE’s, the engine access panel is not exposed. Instead, Hux realizes he’ll have to remove a round panel from the seat platform, wedge himself under it and then remove the engine panel. 

 

Hux reaches up with his left hand and takes the flashlight out of his mouth to say, in a mutter to himself, “At least it’s not like the engine is important.” That being said, he puts the flashlight back in his mouth, reaches for a screwdriver and looks down at the panel. Hux would prefer using powered tools, but it’s so cramped in the cockpit that he wouldn’t be able to hold the drill at the correct angle. Hux sighs around the flashlight in his mouth and takes it out to say, again to himself, “There’s a reason they use droids for this.” 

 

Hux puts the flashlight down on the floor and uses his arms to push himself into a laying down position, legs still bent to prevent himself from hitting the wall of the fighter or from falling out of the cockpit hatch hole. He angles the flashlight to hit the exposed screw heads, thanking the bureaucracy that they at least had the incentive to make screw heads uniform among the First Order. Then, Hux grabs the screwdriver from his waistband and begins the long process of manually unscrewing the sixteen screws from the panel. 

 

Hux is three-quarters of the way done with unscrewing the panel, screws already in his pockets, when he hears from outside the TIE an unknown voice saying rather loudly, “General Hux, sir! You requested a high-powered magnet!” 

 

Hux stops his unscrewing and turns his head around to yell, “Give me ten!” 

 

The crewman knows exactly what Hux means by this, as he is not requesting ten magnets. Inferior officers are often expected to wait if their superior is in the middle of a project. Usually, it’s used only in the case of rather delicate and volatile work that cannot be stepped away from. Hux knows this work is not technically volatile—at least not yet—but the angle he is laying at is perfect for unscrewing. If he were to leave at this moment, Hux knows that it would take longer than ten minutes to find the angle again. The officer can wait for ten minutes; if Hux required longer, then he would simply come back after the time elapsed.

 

Hux finishes the last screws in approximately eight minutes. He slips the screws into his pocket, the screwdriver into his waistband and begins the same trek back to the cockpit hatch. He takes the nails out of his pockets and puts them to the side, so that they do not fall out when he retrieves the magnet. 

 

Hux then flips around so that his legs can wrap around the central pillar. Then, in only a display of absolute necessity, he drops his torso down into the hatch hole, so that his previously slicked down hair encounters gravity and hangs away from his head. His legs, wrapped around the central support beam, are the only thing preventing him from plopping down to the hangar floor like a sack of rocks. 

 

The crewman cannot see Hux at the angle he is standing at, as the hatch door is blocking all of Hux’s exposed torso. Thus, upside-down, Hux must declare, “Ten has elapsed!” 

 

The crewman, holding the magnet cradled against his body in his left arm, peeks around the cockpit hatch door only to startle as he comes face-to-face with his General. The man recovers quickly though and steps around the door to salute with his right hand and say, “Sir, here is the high-powered magnet you requested.” He doesn’t drop the salute at the end of his statement, which makes Hux think that Rhodona dragged some random officer into the engineering department. 

 

Hux, realizing now that the blood rushing to his face is doing more harm than good, says, “At ease. Give it to me then.” The officer drops his salute and reaches to grab the magnet from the cradle of his left arm. Then, he presents it to Hux with both hands, as if it is some offering to him and not simply a magnet. Hux grabs it with his right hand to sling it under his left arm, cradling it as the officer had done. “Thank you. Dismissed,” he says and crunches his body up and back into the TIE cockpit, grabbing a floor rung to aid in pulling himself in. 

 

Hux does not notice that the officer dragged into the engineering department is still standing below the open cockpit, looking up at where Hux disappeared with an expression one would find upon noticing that the laws of nature decided to reverse for the day. The man blinks once and breaks out of his stupor enough to walk back towards the exit, where hopefully the laws of nature will correct themselves into something he recognizes. 

 

Back in the cockpit, Hux removes the platform panel he unscrewed and shoves it onto the pilot seat. It’s not the best place for the panel to go, but Hux doesn’t have many options and he can’t just fling it outside. It would require another person to get it again, and Hux seems to have lost his chief engineer and dismissed the one who came to replace her. 

 

Since the panel is rounded, it’s able to sit in the seat much as a person would. Hux knows it’ll be difficult to maneuver it back into place, but it is not an urgent issue and Hux ignores that particular problem. 

 

With the crawlspace now exposed, Hux can shine a light into the darkness. To his advantage, he won’t have to slide his torso all the way into the crawlspace. At most, it looks like he only has to stick his head and shoulders underneath the pilot seat. 

 

It is at a moment like this that Hux is thankful for his lithe physique. He doubts anyone broader could fit in the space and still be able to move their arms to unscrew the engine panel. Hux grabs the flashlight and slides it into the crawlspace, angling it so that it will be out of his way and yet still shine on the four screws of the engine panel. Then, Hux squishes himself on the floor of the TIE and slides on his belly into the crawlspace. Many would think it claustrophobic and suffocating, but Hux has been in far smaller spaces. 

 

Hux quickly unscrews the panel free, as although he is comfortable in small spaces, he does not enjoy overheating within them, and slides the screws into his pocket, as he knows they are the same as the screws of the pilot-seat panel. He grabs the panel in his left hand and slides back out of the crawlspace on his belly, since he does not have room to flip over onto his back and pull himself out that way. Considering the engine panel is smaller than the pilot-seat panel, Hux can set it against the wall, and it will remain out of the way. 

 

With both panels now removed, Hux can finally access the right ion engine. He slides himself back into the crawlspace and reaches out to grab the engine from a convenient handle facing him. It slides out easily, for the casing was designed to be easily removed. TIE fighters are damaged all the time, and sometimes it is easier to take a very expensive ion engine out of a damaged one and replace it in a new fighter. The difficult part, as Hux and Rhodona were discussing, is actually replacing an engine itself, as it requires tools that can affect the engine on a sub-atomic level. 

 

Hux always forgets how small and lightweight a TIE’s ion engine is. He blames it on the fact that although a TIE engine is the first spacecraft an engineer learns about at the Academy, it is surely not the last. Hux admits that he is more captivated by the massive and powerful three ion-hyperdrive engines that power his ship. That same technology is within this cylinder that is barely the length of Hux’s forearm. 

 

Hux shimmies out of the crawlspace, dragging the ion engine in front of him. After fully exiting the crawlspace, he grabs the flashlight still stuck underneath the floor of the elevated platform and sticks it into his mouth again. He picks up the engine with both hands, cradles it against his chest and uses his feet to push himself back to rest against the central pillar. Sitting next to him is the high-powered magnet he requested, the magnet turned off so that Hux’s metal-laden pockets and pants wouldn’t fly towards it. Hux removes the items from his pockets and sets them to his left, setting the screwdriver and nails separate from the more random tools that he grabbed. 

 

With the metal gone from his body, Hux takes the engine in his hands and angles it above his head so that the flashlight in his mouth hits the surface dead on. Although Hux knows that a new TIE design wouldn’t imply a different ion engine design, he is wary not to check, as he didn’t enjoy realizing that he would have to unscrew not only one, but two panels. 

 

The light catches on the engine’s serial number. The only thing Hux needs to know is whether or not it begins with ‘8’. This engine’s number does begin with 8, so Hux knows that it’s the same as a non-specialized TIE. It will only have an outer casing. 

 

Hux bends his knees and spreads his legs so that the engine is cradled between his thighs. He takes the flashlight in his left hand and reaches over to grab the magnet in his right. He shines it onto the engine casing. Before he switches it on, he mentally implores the galaxy not to fuck him over. Resting the magnet against the non-magnetic casing, he switches it on and tries to pull the magnet away from the engine casing. 

 

Hux finds he cannot. 

 

Upon this realization, Hux utters a phrase which has come easily to every engineer in the galaxy at many a point in their lives. 

 

“Bloody. Fucking. _Shit_.” 

 

Before Hux can report his disturbing findings even further, he hears a voice carry into the body of the TIE. The voice is out of breath, asking repeatedly, “Does anyone know where General Hux is? Has anyone seen him?” 

 

Hux exhales sharply through his nose and clanks his head against the central support beam. It seems as though the ship is falling apart around him. He sets the engine aside, knowing that the resources they have onboard can’t open up the engine. Even if Hux were to leave, no one would be able to open up the engine and inadvertently kill the entire ship. 

 

Hux stands up, hunched over in the cockpit of the TIE fighter. He puts his right leg, then left, down the hatch hole to stand on the first rung of the ladder. With his hands he reaches down to grab the last ladder rung connected to the cockpit hatch. Hux drops his legs so that he is briefly hanging from the ladder rung, then drops himself fully so that he lands on the hangar floor below. The drop is by far not his most graceful, but Hux doesn’t crumple onto his ass and thus considers it a successful exit. Still, the hanging cockpit hatch is blocking most of his body. Hux steps around it, so that he is facing a room of increasingly panicked people. It seems as though more time than Hux had thought had passed, and the other engineers, engrossed in their work, did not remember where Hux had disappeared to. 

 

The woman seeking Hux finally spots him in the far corner of Hangar 8, and her pace becomes even more frantic. Hux is already running through disaster scenarios in his head. Surely he would have known if the hyperdrive engines cut out? Perhaps Mitaka accidently turned them off from the bridge. 

 

As the woman gets closer, Hux becomes even more concerned and even slightly exasperated once he notices the details of her uniform. That particular design is specific for First Order medics, and if a medic is asking for General Hux, there can only be one probable reason. 

 

Of all the issues with his ship, Hux finds that this particular problem is one that he cannot handle at the moment. It is one thing to go into the belly of a spacecraft and another to deal with his disaster-ridden mess of a lover. 

 

Only Kylo Ren would deign to wake up right when Hux was dealing with problems on the quantum level. Only Kylo Ren would be so unaccommodating that he would force this medic to leave her post to find Hux and then force him to leave his post. 

 

Hux could always say no. He has no obligation to come when Ren calls and a pretty good reason for not coming at all. He could stay at his post and ignore Ren’s summons. But he never does. 

 

He never had. 

 

So, as he has done so many times in his 34 years, Hux goes in the direction of Kylo Ren. 

 

On his way out, Hux snags his comm from off the table. When he glances down at it, he sees multiple messages from the medical wing, with the most recent one being particularly pleading. Hux mutters a curse to himself and walks faster. The medical officer intercepts him on his way out, with the engineers swerving to get out of their general’s way. 

 

The medic updates Hux on this new situation, saying, “Sir, he’s woken up, but is increasingly volatile. We know that in the past you’ve subdued him.”

 

Hux only has one question for her. “Did he summon me by name?”

 

The nurse shakes her head and says, “No, sir. It’s just that in the past—”

 

“Thank you. That’s all I need to know.” With that question answered, Hux knows that Ren is summoning him for personal reasons. He finds that he cannot tell if he is pleased or annoyed with that fact. “Go find someone to replace that ion engine in the scout TIE. The hatch on it is still open.” 

 

The medic stops and sputters at him, “Sir, I’m a medic!” Yet Hux does not respond to that statement, already focused on getting to Kylo Ren. He quickens his pace, looping around the charred mess of a TIE’s solar panels directly in front of him to continue onward towards the exit. 

 

Hux prides himself on knowing his ship’s layout and spent much of his time before his promotion to general studying the ship he knew he would inherit. Still, he is amazed that he manages to make it to medical bay so quickly, considering that it is located almost directly on the opposite side of the ship from Hangar 8. 

 

The entrance to the medical bay is a double-door set, so that a body on a stretcher can be carried through it. The double-doors also open automatically, so Hux can’t mentally prepare himself to once again enter another chaotic situation. Hux can already hear equipment crashing from a back room. With a sigh drawn from exasperation, Hux walks toward the madness. 

 

After a particularly loud crash, a medic jumps out of the room and almost into Hux. Hux steps back to let the poor man recover and then inquires, “You requested my help?”

 

The medic blinks once, as if surprised that Hux actually came to help him and launches into his explanation. Hux doesn’t exactly understand the medical babble, but he saw firsthand what happened to Ren on Starkiller.

 

Hux interrupts the man before he talks himself into passing out. “I am going to go in there and sort out this problem. Don’t come in, even if things get loud. Especially if things get loud.” 

 

The medic blanches at Hux’s tone, as Hux spoke as if he was walking into his own court martial. But he nods his head and steps aside to let Hux in. 

 

Hux, now having to face a new problem, knows the solution he has to take to fix it. Yet he finds himself mentally resisting, even as he reaches down to push open the door.

 

Hux steps into the room to the sound of silence, machinery hovering in the air, the sound of someone else’s breathing and the pungent scent of antiseptic. He drops the door behind him, and after it closes, Hux looks up at Kylo Ren, propped up against the bed’s headboard and under a blanket. He notices that Ren’s eyes are rather dilated and sighs softly to himself.

 

“Did they tranq you?” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Of course they did.”

 

Kylo Ren is no stranger to medical bay, but it is rare that he takes the offered pain medication. Something about “the pain making the Force stronger”. Or some bullshit like that.

 

Ren would not have taken the pain medication after his failures at Starkiller. He would have wanted to call upon the pain of his injury to fuel his rage. The rage would make him strong, he always said. Hux always replied that it made his ship’s walls a whole lot weaker.

 

Hux knew Ren was in danger. He just couldn’t afford to think beyond rescuing him when the entire base was collapsing. He couldn’t afford to think about it right now with the entire ship collapsing. 

 

Hux moves out of the doorway and goes to sit at the foot of Kylo Ren’s bed. There are no chairs for him to sit, and Hux is thankful for that excuse as his back protests at him for contorting around a TIE fighter cockpit. Kylo Ren remains silent and stares at Hux, as if in a trance. All of the machinery Ren was lifting is settled gently back onto the floor. The scar bisecting his face keeps drawing Hux’s attention. He has to force himself to look Ren in the eye. 

 

Ren finally opens his mouth to speak, “I could hear it all the way across the ship. Your mind was screaming at you to stop. To rest. Why didn’t you listen to it?”

 

Hux tries to rub his face and notices that his comm is still gripped in his hand. He sets it face down beside him on the bed. With his hand now free, he rubs at his brow, noticing that he is experiencing a rather severe tension headache. “You know I can’t just rest whenever I want, Ren. They’re tasks to be done, problems to be solved. As general of this ship, it is my responsibility to ensure that those problems are taken care of.”

 

Ren smirks at him, as if pleased that he knows something that Hux does not. “That’s the reason people _delegate_ , Hux. Surely you have people to fix broken TIE fighters?”

 

Hux finds he has little patience for any of Ren’s antics right now. He looks over to him and scowls. “I used to. They’re all dead.” 

 

Ren blinks and looks down, properly chastised. Hux feels a little guilty at the forlorn expression on Ren’s expressive face and sighs to himself. In an uncharacteristic move, he takes Ren’s right hand in his, sliding himself closer on the bed so that he is sitting by Ren’s thighs. He brings the large, calloused hand to his chest and holds it there against him, feeling its pressure. 

 

Ren had not moved. He is still looking down at the bed, eyes beginning to moisten. Hux knows that Ren gets overemotional and has mood-swings when drugged up. He needs to be more careful, more nurturing. Hux can be careful. Nurturing is harder. 

 

“I’m sorry, Ren. I don’t blame you for it.” 

 

“What’s wrong with the TIE fighters?” 

 

Hux furrows his brows at Ren’s non sequitur, but relaxes once he realizes what Ren is trying to do. If either of them ever need to relax, Ren will ask Hux about an engineering problem, be it theoretical or actual. Hux finds that he can solve problems best by talking it out, and Ren is calmed by Hux’s methodical explanations, even if he may not understand the more complicated mechanics. 

 

Sometimes Ren asks questions, so that he can understand what Hux already does. Sometimes he just listens. Either way, both decompress and can then move on feeling slightly less burdened by their responsibilities. 

 

Thus spurned on, Hux launches into his explanation about what he thinks went wrong with the TIE fighters that remained onboard the _Finalizer_. He speaks down to Ren’s hand, still cradled against his chest. Ren curls his fingers into his palm. Hux moves his other hand so that both are covering Ren’s. He presses it harder against his chest. 

 

When Hux is about to launch into an explanation on how ion engines work, Ren interrupts him. “Can you sit in my lap?” 

 

Hux looks up from where he was playing with Ren’s hand. He stops the action to say, “I’m right next to you, Ren. I don’t think I need to sit in your lap.” 

 

Ren gives Hux a look, unrestrained in its conveyance that Hux is being stubborn. “Hux, I don’t need the Force to know that your back is aching. Come lay down on me.” 

 

Hux’s back is aching, but he had been ignoring it just fine. Sighing loudly so that Ren would hear, Hux maneuvers himself semi-gracefully into Ren’s lap and shoves the blanket slightly off of Ren’s legs so that he would sit comfortably. He accidently jostles Ren’s bowcaster wound and apologizes softly when Ren flinches. Hux tilts his head back onto Ren’s uninjured shoulder, exhaling sharply. Ren’s arms rise up to hug him around his middle. It is at this point that Hux realizes his tension headache is gone. 

 

Hux will never admit it out loud, but he is _much_ more comfortable in Ren’s lap. 

 

Ren leans his head down to shove his nose into Hux’s disheveled hair. He inhales strongly and then laughs to himself. “You smell like a durasteel plant. Or campfire smoke.”

 

“Ren, I was just wedged in a TIE fighter. I am just thankful that its fluids didn’t get all over me.”

 

Ren laughs harder at that, saying, “ _Its fluids_!” Ren’s laughter becomes so pronounced that Hux’s back is hit by Ren’s stomach with every laugh. Hux scowls at Ren’s amusement and pointedly doesn’t huff out his own version of a laugh. 

 

Ren’s laughter calms down to small hiccups. Hux would call them cute, but they’re really not. “So, ha, when you were in the fighter, what kinds of metals were you working with?”

 

Hux already knows where Ren is going with this, but indulges him anyway. He begins petting Ren’s thigh. “There was durasteel, of course. That is the major one, as you know. Titanium. Some nickel and gold. Aluminum.” Hux pauses to let Ren laugh at the way he pronounces aluminum. And Ren does indeed laugh. “There are some trace elements as well that aren’t metals.”

 

Ren’s arms squeeze around his torso. He plants his cheek on the top of Hux’s head to ask, in a voice entirely to tease, “But was there any copper?”

 

Hux makes a show to think about his response, knowing that there is most definitely copper in a TIE fighter. It is required for its electrical components to work properly. Without copper, the ship wouldn’t even be able to start or turn on its interior lights. But Hux plays dumb and only says, “No, Ren, I don’t think there was any copper.”

 

Ren takes his cheek off of Hux’s head to lean down towards his left ear and whisper in a soft voice, “You’re wrong. It was in there.” 

 

Ren’s voice makes Hux shiver slightly and press back against his lover’s chest. Hux tilts his head into the Ren’s warm breath against his ear. His toes curl slightly in his boots.

 

Hux whispers back, almost coyly, “Will you tell me where?”

 

Ren breaks the moment by snorting loudly right in Hux’s ear. He raises his legs to squeeze Hux with all his appendages. “It’s you, coppertop!” he exclaims in a semi-loud voice. Hux hopes that any medics around are busy dealing with the casualties from Starkiller so they didn’t have to hear Ren’s exuberant shouting. 

 

Hux huffs at that particular nickname. Ren is not very creative with nicknames and seized on the fact, like so many others had, that Hux has red hair. 

 

“You know I hate that nickname, Ren.”

 

Ren shakes his head in Hux’s shoulder. His legs release their death grip on Hux. Ren’s voice is muffled when he says, “You say that, but you don’t mean it.” He lifts his head up and raises his hand to turn Hux’s head towards his own. Hux’s body follows so that he is facing Ren with his legs tucked underneath him and to the side, like he was when he was in the TIE fighter. Ren presses his forehead to Hux’s and leans in to breathe against Hux’s lips, “I can tell.” 

 

Hux’s eyes droop down. His own hand resumes stroking Ren’s thigh like he was earlier. His lips quirk slightly, and he softly breathes back, “And how can you tell, Ren?” Hux meets Ren’s eyes directly, staring into dilated pupils. 

 

Ren strokes his thumb across Hux’s temple. His eyes dart to the side, as if checking that they are properly alone so that he can share this information, this secret, to Hux. He whispers, even softer than he had before, “I can use the Force.” 

 

Hux startles both Ren and himself with his own laughter. His eyes crinkle as he continues laughing in small huffs from his nose, his lips curled into small, crooked smile. He brings his arms around Ren’s neck and presses himself close. Ren, bewildered by Hux’s laughter, only smiles and hugs his arms around Hux’s waist. 

 

When Hux is sufficiently calm, he relaxes his hold on Ren and clears his throat. “You should probably get some sleep, Ren. Those tranqs seem potent.” 

 

Ren nods his head at Hux’s statement. Already his eyes are drooping. Still, he looks at Hux with startling clarity to say, “Hux, it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“I know.” 

 

With that taken care of, Ren nods to himself and drops his head to look at the off-white color of his blanket. Hux maneuvers himself out of Ren’s grasp to stand. On the bed, Ren adjusts himself so that he is lying down on his right side facing Hux. The blanket is resting on his broad, scarred shoulders. His dark hair is lank on the pillow. His scar is so vivid on his face. It barely missed his eye. 

 

Ren looks up at him and asks, “Will you stay until I fall asleep?” 

 

Hux should not pity him, but he does. “I’ll stay.” 

 

Ren’s eyes close and his breathing settles into something restful. Hux stands above him, clothed in his undershirt, pants and boots, with his hair unsettled into something far outside of regulation. His ship is falling apart around him, and he does not look forward to solving the quantum mystery that is that TIE’s ion engine. Still, at this moment in medical bay, Hux feels some measure of peace that has been escaping him the past week. 

 

Ren’s breathing evens out, and Hux turns to leave. He snags his comm from the bed and is relieved to confirm that he has no new messages, even though he would have heard the ping if he did. Before he can walk out the door, though, Ren begins shifting in his bed. In a voice that can barely carry across the room, Hux hears Ren mutter, “Ate…ate…ate…” As quickly as Ren begins, he stops. His breathing evens out once more, and he descends into sleep. 

 

Ren may have been muttering utter nonsense, but it does remind Hux that he hasn’t eaten anything this cycle. Hux resolves that if no other emergencies are reported to him, he will go to the officer’s mess and eat something. Mitaka can hold the bridge for a little while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool so that was a doozy, but I promised science in end notes so here you go:
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> \- Ion thrusters actually do exist! They work by having a high-energy electron (with a negative charge) collide with a neutral atom (protons and electrons cancel themselves out on a sub-atomic level)
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> \- This process creates a positively charged ion and along with negative electrons, it becomes plasma, which has a neutral charge
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> \- So most ion propulsion is generated using xenon gas, a noble gas (meaning it is a more stable element compared to others on the periodic table)
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> \- But it actually creates a very low acceleration and not anywhere near how quickly a TIE can move
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> \- But considering that xenon can be compressed and stored in large amounts on a spacecraft, it means that even with a small acceleration, over time, a spacecraft can reach greater velocity
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> \- If you're curious, you should check out NASA's Dawn mission, as its spacecraft is propelled using ion propulsion :)
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> Next chapter will be up soon (I hope), but I'll be talking about it a lot on my tumblr, so if you're curious, do ask!


	2. Status Report, Everything's Fucked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you thought it couldn't get any worse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was an absolute pain to write because 1) I had like a fuckton of stuff to do this week and 2) I had to outline the damn story. You could probably tell from the first chapter's lack of actual plot that I was still working out all the details. 
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> Also I had to go back and fix the name of the _Finalizer_ from _The Finalizer_ (@me nice job dumbass) 
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> Still, I made it! We have actual plot! What a miracle 
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> 
> Thank you to all who read, commented and sent kudos. And a special thank you must go out to @claricechiarasorcha on tumblr for her kind encouragement and inclusion of me on her long fic recommendation list. When I saw that, I really felt the Kylux love, and it really helped this chapter come together :)
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> (y'all should read her fics too they're incredible) 
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> Also a note on chapter warnings: there's some dissociation, an anxiety attack, a slight mention of self-harm and other stuff like that in this chapter- I'll let y'all know in the chapter notes at the beginning if there are any other warnings continuing into the story 
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> As before, rambling on engineering concepts will occur in the end notes. Hope y'all enjoy the chapter~*~

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

Rhodona’s eye twitches when Hux tells her his hypothesis on the TIE’s malfunctioning engine. The two of them are sequestered away in one of the _Finalizer’s_ numerous conference rooms, large so that they can hold many officers who might need to hear a report or an update from command. Hux can smell burnt caf from the pitcher on the long, rectangular table, a request he had made to a passing officer. Hux had not requested over-roasted caf though. The smell is starting to get to him, strong after his shift on the bridge, where its smell is the closest air can come to smelling like absolutely nothing. Hux could drink it, but he thinks it will taste as badly as it smells. 

 

Rhodona clears her throat at him, and Hux turns his attention away from the caf towards her. His chief engineer is currently leaning against the table with her arms crossed in a similar position to Hux, though Hux’s arms are clasped in front of him. They both face a large viewport displaying the star-streaks visible from a ship in light-speed. As she opens her mouth to speak, Hux prepares himself to answer a multitude of questions, ranging from Starkiller Base to the _Finalizer_ to quantum mechanics and then back to the TIE fighter itself. 

 

“So, you classify Starkiller Base as a ‘neutron star’?”

 

“That is what it appears to be, currently.”

 

“Currently?”

 

“As in what it is after it imploded. Before it imploded, Starkiller was still technically a planet, only its core was composed of a star. Because it was pressurized in the core, the hydrogen and helium were well-contained.” Hux pauses to take a breath in and exhales softly. “Afterwards, not so much.” 

 

Rhodona scoffs in derision. “Whose bright idea was it to take the core out of a planet?” She then suddenly remembers that she is speaking to her superior, who consequently was also commander of Starkiller Base and so likely had a hand engineering the super-weapon. “Apologies, sir, I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

 

Hux only huffs a laugh under his breath. “Rest assured, Lieutenant Commander, I had no influence in the design of the project, only the execution. The core was long carved out when I arrived to take command.” Hux agrees with Rhodona that it was an idiotic decision to remove the core from the planet, as it would destabilize the planet’s magnetic fields. The core also plays a significant role in protecting its inhabitants from solar radiation. However, the First Order had little funding and even less material to work with, so they could not build another Death Star. They had no empire to extract materials from. 

 

Hux knows that their current predicament could hardly be predicted, but he still wishes that the team that designed Starkiller had considered they could accidentally create a fucking neutron star if it at all destabilized. And the base had gone a lot further than destabilization. 

 

Rhodona clears her throat, still awkward after her almost-insult of her superior. “So, a neutron star then. That means we have to consider pulsars and the electromagnetic radiation that comes with them.”

 

Hux nods his head. “Yes, especially those that pertain to magnetism. I had a hypothesis that a potential pulsar burst from Starkiller might have impacted the ion engines, which rely on their electrons so heavily. With the magnet and the TIE’s ion engine, I was able to confirm that theory.”

 

Rhodona can easily follow what Hux is saying. If she couldn’t, she wouldn’t be chief engineer. “The pulsar changed the quantum spin of the electrons?” 

 

“And gave them the potential at being magnetized, once I introduced an already existing magnet. Their quantum composition has been completely altered.” Hux pauses before he says, “So you were correct.” 

 

Rhodona turns her head to look Hux questionably. “Sir?”

 

“When you said the solution will be the only one not available to us. It appears you were completely correct.” Hux wants to offer any kind of solution, but what they have at their disposal is minimal. Affecting an engine on the quantum level to reverse the spin of only a portion of its electrons is challenging and requires so much energy that Hux can’t think of a way to fix the engines even if they were at port. 

 

Hux can’t fix this. He can’t do anything to force the electrons into their proper order, into their proper spin. The engines are simply destroyed. But before he can follow that troubling thought path, he has another terrible realization. Just as he thinks it, Rhodona voices it. 

 

“Sir, the _Finalizer’s_ hyperdrive engines and the TIE engines share similar components. They both rely on electrons in some way.” 

 

“Yes, Rhodona, they do.” Hux looks out at the light-speed streaks displayed outside the _Finalizer’s_ viewport. He never really noticed how illuminative the beams of light were, considering that they are all technically stars that are distorted by inter-dimensional space travel. It is rare that the Finalizer doesn’t travel in light-speed from system to system, considering the great lengths between any two systems. When she is out of light-speed, it’s in orbit around a planet or coming into port or responding to a battle where the smaller starships streak by her viewports in a clash of silent red and green light. 

 

The _Finalizer_ has never drifted through space, completely alone in its massive silence, surrounded only by the pinpricks of distant stars. It will be dark. It will be cold. It will be absolutely silent. 

 

The entire ship, with its surviving crew and its smaller fleet of TIE’S and other fighters, will be completely stranded. And Hux can’t predict when that will happen. 

 

“Should we shut them off, sir? I can think of many scenarios where their containment facilities would fail and the quantum energy would destroy the ship.”

 

Hux seizes onto the new problem, unable to address the fact that his ship is failing. “No, don’t do that just yet. The best solution moving forward is to get the _Finalizer_ in orbit around a planetoid of some kind, one hopefully known by the Order. That way, when we send our distress call, we’ll be in a concrete location for the rescue.” 

 

“And if they do explode?”

 

Hux gives Rhodona a grim smile. “Let us hope they do not.” 

 

Rhodona barks out a laugh. She pushes herself off the table and turns to face Hux, her hands clasped behind her back. Hux has to tilt his head to meet her eyes, where he sees a glint of stubbornness and determination. Hux can only hope his look the same and don’t reflect what he feels internally. 

 

“May I be dismissed, sir?” 

 

“Yes. Go back to the weapons department and try and fix the problems there. When we are stranded, we cannot afford to be poorly defended, especially if the Resistance finds us.” Almost as an afterthought, because Rhodona knows how to keep secrets, Hux says, “And do keep this knowledge to yourself.”

 

“Yes, sir, of course. I’ll have the report on the engine failures sent to you soon.”

 

Hux waves his hand at her, brushing away that suggestion. “No, I’ll write the report for the admirals. You need to fix our weapons. Hopefully, those will not fail us.”

 

“If I have any say in it, they’ll be the best they’ve ever been.” With that said, Rhodona sharply salutes and turns to walk out the sliding doors, back to the problems that face her department. 

 

After the doors slide shut, Hux looks back out the viewport. The star-streaking is hypnotic, and Hux’s eyes glaze over as he listens to the hum of the hyperdrive engines, still somehow working after a direct hit from a pulsar. If anything, the _Finalizer_ has always been strong, and if she has to die, let it be from one of the greatest forces known in the universe. Let it be from a fucking _man-made_ neutron star. 

 

Hux had thought his Starkiller Base was powerful. It had destroyed an entire planetary system, ensured the loss of the Republic Senate and cemented the Order its place in galactic history. The weapon had achieved more than both Death Stars and done more damage to an already war-weary Republic than the numerous raids the Order made on individual planets. 

 

And yet, Hux and his ship are brought to their knees by an absolute force of nature, something out of his control and ever so deadly. The implications of that are staggering to him, but he will fix this new problem thrown at him by a chaotic universe, as he has always done. 

 

Hux pushes himself off the table and walks out the door, leaving the scent of burnt caf behind with the silent stars streaking outside the viewport. As the doors slide open, he comms a message to the other two members of the _Finalizer’s_ unofficial command triumvirate. 

 

_Meeting @1800 in Conference Room 24. Topic is Priority One, Time Sensitive. Keep restricted to command’s knowledge only – Gen. Hux._

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

Captain Phasma responded promptly to the summons Hux sent out to both her and Kylo Ren, but Ren has yet to respond, which isn’t odd for a man who keeps strange hours and falls under the command of a Master’s whims. 

 

However, in this situation, Hux absolutely _requires_ Ren to attend this meeting, if only so that the Supreme Leader will have a representative in an executive decision as critical as this one. 

 

Hux comms Ren again, this time as an audio call, but Ren still does not answer. Hux knows that Ren was discharged from the medical wing earlier this cycle and that he had a meeting with the Supreme Leader soon after, but that was earlier. It has been hours since that meeting was supposed to end. And yet Hux has not seen nor heard Kylo Ren since. 

 

That is quite an ominous thought, considering Ren’s recent history onboard the _Finalizer_. Ren has always been particularly unstable, but by adding even more stress with the hunt for Luke Skywalker, his temper has been consistently volatile. While in orbit around Jakku, Ren was the worst Hux had ever seen him; he had lashed out vocally at Hux and even physically at some of Hux’s officers, who came forward to Hux with visible bruises on their necks and stuttered, fearful explanations as to why. 

 

Hux has been threatened many times in his life, even by Kylo Ren himself in the past, but to have his lover think he had the absolute _audacity_ to question his authority on the bridge during a precarious situation was unacceptable. It is one thing to offer a suggestion, as their semi-joint-command permits, but to question the methods of Hux’s father and the Stormtrooper program of his family name is nigh unforgivable. Hux has still not properly discussed this with Ren, due to his hospitalization and the problems with the _Finalizer_ , but the thought stews in Hux’s stomach and curdles any warm feelings he may hold for Ren. 

 

Combined with the knowledge that his ship is dying, Hux feels himself turning into a volatile mass of unused energy barely suppressed within his slight frame. 

 

Which is why when General Hux finally finds Kylo Ren, by aid of the tracker in his belt, slashing up one of the _Finalizer’s_ environmental monitoring rooms, he feels the emotions push past his body’s containment and explode outward like he too is a collapsing planet and Kylo Ren is the target for his contained rage. 

 

“Kylo Ren, you stop this right now!” 

 

Ren only roars in response, sounding demented through a new mask that he somehow obtained on Hux’s ship. His lightsaber crackles in the air, three prongs slicing through the air molecules to connect the main blade with one of the unlit consoles. Ren attempts to swing the blade out of the cavern it made of the console, but is knocked off-balance as he cuts through the side of the console. He stumbles into the middle of the room, heaving, his lightsaber clutched in his right hand as he snarls through the vocoder of his mask. Ren stares directly at Hux, and Hux can picture his face perfectly through the mask: eyes bright with unspent emotion, lip curled up to show pointed teeth, hair stuck to his face by sweat and possibly tears. 

 

Yet Hux has no sympathy for Ren at the moment. He can guarantee that both he and Ren are feeling quite similarly, but Hux is not tearing up the _Finalizer_ further. He is trying to fix the problems, not make new ones. 

 

And still, here’s another problem Hux must fix. Hux tries to speak again, trying but failing to keep his temper under control. “Ren—”

 

Only to be interrupted as Ren reaches down to grab his lightsaber in both hands and swings it above his head, twirling in a complicated maneuver to bring his lightsaber through another console, shattering the screen of the monitor. Ren screams out, almost incomprehensible through his mask, “He abandoned me!” Almost as if he’s enraged further by verbally admitting his reasons for the tantrum, Ren shifts on the ball of his foot to face the opposite wall and thrusts his hand out, punching a dent into the durasteel wall with the Force. His lightsaber faces the ground, out of the way for the moment but still a threat. 

 

Hux seizes onto Ren’s declaration, trying to direct Ren’s ire away from his ship and towards himself. He recognizes that this might be incredibly stupid, but it has worked in the past. Hux has to hope that Ren, even at his worst, won’t stoop so low as to actually hurt him. Hux hasn’t moved up in command without taking risks, and he finds that the same principle carries into his personal life. 

 

“Who abandoned you?”

 

Apparently that wasn’t the right thing to say because Ren takes his lightsaber in both hands once more and swings it to cut through the line of back screens, which had been previously left unscathed. 

 

As he faces the back wall, panting, Ren screams out, his shoulders shaking with the effort, “ _Everyone!_ ” 

 

Ren is getting dangerously close to some of the viewports, and Hux does not want to add _explosive decompression of Deck 8_ to his ever growing list of problems affecting the _Finalizer_. So, Hux steps into the room with an armed Kylo Ren and says, forcibly calm, “Have I abandoned you, Ren?”

 

Hux is successful in getting Ren’s attention, but not in the form he wants. Ren mechanically turns around, stomps forward towards Hux and grabs a hold of Hux’s overcoat, using it to yank Hux closer to him. Ren holds his lightsaber’s blade close to Hux’s neck, the cross-guards cutting into his overcoat. The burning scent of synthetic cloth is absolutely putrid, reminding Hux of the skidding tires of fast-landing fighters on a runway. The memory spurns Hux into action, and he looks up, hoping that Ren cannot see the fear he is suppressing, to meet the mask of his lover. 

 

Hux often forgets, between the affection and insecurities Ren displays to him, that Kylo Ren is a trained warrior, in his element only when he is killing. In front of him is a killer. He must remind himself of that or he will die. Simple as that. 

 

However, it seems as though Hux and Ren have met an impasse. Ren’s lightsaber continues to crackle by Hux’s neck, so close that Hux can feel the hairs on his neck being singed. That combined with the smell of his burning coat makes Hux hyper-aware of every breath Ren takes, heaved in and out through the vocoder. 

 

Ren’s lightsaber arm starts to shake. 

 

Again, Hux says, trying to speak without moving any part of his body towards the searing beam, “Kylo. Have I _ever_ abandoned you?” 

 

Ren’s hand holding his coat clenches even harder, the fabric crunching under the pressure. Hux can feel Ren wanting to pull him close—to embrace or kill him Hux does not know, but the indecision is starting to make Hux tremble. 

 

Ren finds a third option instead. He turns away from Hux, bringing the lightsaber away from his neck, deactivates the weapon and hurls it across the destroyed monitoring room with a choked-up scream. Hux thinks that Ren was trying to yell again, but couldn’t find the energy within himself to continue his rampage. The lightsaber hilt clatters against the floor and slides to hit a console table with a small thunk. 

 

After that scream, the room is silent. Hux scarcely dares to breathe. Ren isn’t moving, existing only as a statue among the destruction. Then, in a complete reversal of earlier events, Ren’s legs collapse underneath him, and he sinks down to the ground on his knees, as if asking the slashed-up consoles for forgiveness in their destruction. 

 

Ren’s body begins to shake in small, barely-controlled tremors. His arms cross around his torso to hug himself. Hux sees Ren’s gloved fingers trying to press into the meat of his biceps. Ren’s helmeted head bows down, exposing the back of his neck. 

 

At this sign, Hux approaches Ren, knowing that Ren’s destructive tendencies now face his own body and not Hux’s. Now, all Hux has to do is prevent Ren from hurting himself, an easier task now that any attempt to do so will not be met by aggression towards himself. 

 

Hux reaches down to put a gloved hand on Ren’s shoulder, and Ren flinches. 

 

Then, his body hunches on himself further, trying to make himself so much smaller than he can be. 

 

Weakly, through the vocoder, Ren says, “I thought you left.” Even though the vocoder warps Ren’s voice into an emotionless rumble, Hux can still tell what Ren is feeling every time he speaks through the damn thing. 

 

There is only one thing Hux can say to something as broken as Ren. “I never can.” 

 

This phrase, only three words, brings Ren’s volatile emotions back into something he can at least control. He whimpers, something particularly strange-sounding through the mask, and turns to grab Hux’s coat with both hands. Then, he shoves his face against Hux’s stomach, almost knocking the breath out of Hux with the force of it. Ren’s arms wind around Hux’s torso underneath his coat much as they had around Ren’s own body. They squeeze. Hard. 

 

Hux coughs against the force of the squeezing, but Ren doesn’t let go in the slightest. Hux can work with this though. He reaches down to grab the release mechanisms to release Ren’s helmet and says, “Here, let’s get this off, hmm?” 

 

Ren tilts his head away from Hux’s stomach to let Hux pull away the helmet. Before Hux can really look at him, though, Ren shoves his face back into its spot on Hux’s stomach. The only thing Hux can catch on Ren’s face is tear tracks on ruddy cheeks. 

 

Hux doesn’t quite know what to do with the helmet. He ends up throwing it away from them, cringing as it clatters against the floor. Ren doesn’t notice the jarring noise. 

 

With his hands now free, Hux reaches down with one hand to pet Ren’s tangled hair. He places the other hand on Ren’s neck, acting as an anchor point for Ren’s words. 

 

Not wanting to set Ren off again, Hux rephrases his question. “What happened in the meeting with the Supreme Leader?” 

 

Ren’s answer is addressed to Hux’s stomach, but Hux can hear it alright, even though it’s muffled. “He found someone else. Another Force-user.”

 

“Who?”

 

“The scavenger. She’s stronger. Supreme Leader knows it.” 

 

Hux doesn’t quite know what to do with this information, but Ren follows up with more, a monologue compared to what Ren usually says. 

 

“I did _everything_ he asked for, Hux. He told me what to do, and I listened. I always obeyed him. I even…” Ren cuts off at this point, but Hux knows what, or more specifically who, Ren is talking about. Hux knows that Ren’s opinions on his family are very differing, but still, he was his fucking father. Hux knows that he too would kill his father if ordered, but biological sentiment would always be an unfortunate detriment. 

 

But Ren keeps talking, pushing past the sentiment stuck in his throat. “He said it would be a test, and it was, Hux. It was a test. He was right.” With every word he speaks, Ren’s voice gets more and more choked. Still, he speaks. “I thought I did everything _right_. He told me there was an awakening, and I felt it.” Ren brings his face out of Hux’s stomach to prop his chin up on it. “I _felt_ it, Hux.” He inhales deeply, procrastinating admitting to his final statement. “And I failed him anyway.”

 

Ren’s eyes have always been particularly expressive, even more so with the scar slashed up between the two. Right now, they stare up at Hux and seek validation or even just acknowledgment from him. There are tears still flowing out of them, unnoticed by Ren as he is distracted by Hux’s attention. Hux moves his hand petting Ren’s hair to his cheek, where he swipes away a tear with his thumb. Ren’s bottom lip wobbles, and he bites into it to calm its motion. 

 

Ren is looking to Hux for some speech, some guidance that he can give to Ren so that he has something else to focus on besides his failures at Starkiller and his failures with the Supreme Leader. Hux has always been well-spoken and skilled at creating speeches in the moment, but he still pauses to gather his thoughts before he speaks to the man before him. 

 

“You might have failed, Ren.” At the very first sentence, Ren tries to look away scowling, but Hux doesn’t let him. Hux grabs Ren’s face in both hands and makes him look up, meeting him in the eyes. Trapped in Hux’s piercing stare, Ren does not blink and does not move. He is silent. 

 

Hux starts again, knowing that he now has Ren’s complete attention. “You failed, Ren. Something went wrong, and the plan didn’t work.” So many plans did not work, but Hux needs to focus on Ren, not on anything outside this smoking, burning room. “But that was only one plan. That was only one day.” Hux pauses for effect. Ren somehow gets even closer, hugging Hux tighter so that he could press the words Hux speaks into his own chest. “For people like us, those whose destinies are so entwined with the future of the galaxy, we don’t only have one day of greatness. We have many.” 

 

When Ren releases his hold on him slightly, Hux crouches down to face him. Now, Ren’s head is slightly above Hux’s own. Hux has to look up to meet his lover’s eyes. With his hands still on Ren’s face, Hux pulls him forward, unresisting, so that he may press their foreheads together. Ren’s watery eyes close at the contact, and so Hux closes his as well. 

 

“This is only your first step, Ren. You failed, yes, but a misstep is still a step. And you must catch yourself before you fall.” 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

After Ren has sufficiently calmed down, he pulls away from Hux to stand. Then, in a state of absolute tiredness, he walks over to pick up his helmet and slides it onto head. Ren’s hand reaches out to summon his lightsaber to him, and it flies back into his grasp. His hand tightens almost unnoticeably on the lightsaber before he clips it onto his wide belt. 

 

Hux rises from his crouched position on the floor. As Ren walks back to him, emotions as tucked away as his face, he shifts to put his hands behind his back. The singed coat shifts awkwardly on his shoulder. Hux reminds himself to turn it into the quartermaster for repairs.

 

Ren has the bad habit of looming over the people he talks to, especially in times of emotional distress. When he speaks, Ren’s voice is akin to a staccato. “What happened?”

 

Of course Ren felt Hux’s horrified realization. Hux’s thoughts have always been loud, according to Ren, but Hux can’t tell if that’s just an excuse so that Ren can perch himself in Hux’s mind whenever he wishes. “There’s been a…situation. It’s priority one and time sensitive. We need to meet Phasma in…” Hux pulls out his comm and checks the time stamped on the screen’s corner. “…six minutes to discuss any ideas on how to deal with the problem.” 

 

“Why do I need to go?”

 

“It’s a mechanical issue, Ren. I know you have experience with ships besides breaking them. You’re going.” Ren came to the Order with an assorted amount of skills not even relating to the Force. The first time Hux saw him on the ship, it was when Ren was elbow deep in a wall panel outside his personal chambers, muttering about faulty circuit breakers. When Hux went back later to see what Ren had done, the solution was so convoluted and entirely too complicated that Hux became almost obsessed with Ren’s engineering thought process. Among other things. 

 

Hux is not proud of the way his younger self threw himself at Ren, but he was still unrefined at the time and had yet to adjust to being an officer on the flagship of the First Order. He is allowed a bit of slack. 

 

“The meeting’s in Conference Room 24. We need to hurry, if we want to be on time.” Hux turns to walk out of the smoldering room. He reminds himself to send some mechanics in to fix it at a later time. 

 

Ren immediately follows him, stalking up to walk on Hux’s left. “Didn’t you schedule the meeting, Hux? Just change the time.”

 

“That would be quite unprofessional, not to mention rude to Captain Phasma. Now, we must hurry.”

 

Somehow, Hux and Ren make it to the conference room on time, though in the process of getting there, they had startled a number of officers and Stormtroopers on the ship. Those who did not have the foresight to jump out of their superiors’ way were literally pushed aside with the Force. Though Ren was not bodily slamming these men and women against the hallway walls, it is still jarring to be looking down at a datapad and walking down the hallway to be suddenly shoved to the side. Hux wants to tell Ren to stop throwing his crew around, but he admits that it clears up precious seconds for their hurried walk to Conference Room 24. 

 

When they finally make it, with literal seconds to spare, Phasma is already waiting for them inside. She had the prudence not to order any caf, considering that every pot of it today appears burnt and undrinkable. Hux is thankful that the smell will not have to permeate this meeting as it had his meeting with Rhodona.  


 

If Phasma noticed Hux’s burnt coat, she doesn’t say anything about it. She only waits to be addressed by her superior officer.

 

“Thank you for being prompt, Phasma. I am afraid that we have yet another problem to deal with.” 

 

Hux not only invited Phasma to this discussion because of her rank and position as Stormtrooper captain, but also because she needs to prove herself to her general. Hux is quite aware that it was Phasma who lowered the shields, which allowed the Resistance to target the thermal oscillator and destabilize Starkiller. Hux also knows that she was under duress and is more useful to the Order alive rather than dead, but he can’t simply ignore Phasma’s actions. She would not stand for it. 

 

“Of course, sir. What’s the problem?” Straight and to the point as she always is. This is why Hux keeps her as Stormtrooper captain. There is no one else alive who would fit into the position. 

 

Hux explains to Ren and Phasma the discovery he made with the TIE engine and the connection it has with the hyperdrive engines. As Hux speaks, the other two move around him to form a triangle of sorts, so that they are all facing one another in the discussion. 

 

“So, we need to determine which planet in which system we should orbit after the drop from light-speed,” Hux concludes. 

 

Ren is the first to speak. “Do you know when we’ll drop?” 

 

“No. Unfortunately, we do not have the capabilities to look at the hyperdrive engines on a quantum level. There’s no way to know of an electron’s individual quantum spin. Even if we could look, I can’t think of any way to take that information and predict the possible future.” 

 

“Why don’t we drop now? You said the ship is going to fail anyway. A forced drop from light-speed may cripple the ship even more.” 

 

Everything Ren is saying Hux has already considered. Hux can feel a headache approaching, and he rubs his temples with his fingers to stave it off. “We can’t drop now. We are, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. The ship is headed to rejoin the main fleet deep in the Outer Rim. There are few planets the Order has coordinates to in this quadrant of space.”

 

“And you are sure the engines will fail?”

 

Hux is slightly peeved at Ren’s insinuation that he does not know the _Finalizer_ as well as he thinks. Engineering has already reported problems about the engines to Hux earlier in the standard week. The TIE ion engine is a derivation of the ion-hyperspace engine. It should follow that the ion-hyperspace engine will fall in the pattern of the TIE’s. “Yes, Ren, all three ion-hyperspace engines will fail.”

 

Ren tenses up almost unnoticeably. Hux can’t help but think that Ren is surprised by something. “How many engines?” 

 

Hux is now beyond peeved at Ren’s unnecessary questions, but answers anyway. “Three. Primary, secondary, tertiary, though the names are irrelevant considering they all work in tandem to propel the ship into light-speed.” Ren ducks his head, as if lost in thought. 

 

Phasma interjects herself into the conversation then. Hux is surprised by her voice, forgetting that this wasn’t just a discussion between him and Ren. “If it is resources you are concerned about, those are well-stocked. The casualties at Starkiller may have left a void in the ranks, but it also means we have more supplies for less people. I don’t think food, water or other provisions will be a problem.”

 

At least one thing has gone right for Hux during this week. “That’s good to know, Phasma. We are most definitely going to be stranded for an indeterminate amount of time. Once we send a distress call to the main fleet, it will be another indeterminate amount of time before they can mobilize a rescue.” That is only considering that the admiralty will think the broken _Finalizer_ still space-worthy. Hux does not doubt that the admiralty will try and cut their losses, if only to distance themselves from the political disaster that was Starkiller. 

 

Ren cuts into the conversation again. “Have you considered any possible planets? For orbit.” 

 

Hux has considered many possible planets for orbit. They include almost every damn planet in the path of the _Finalizer_. “I have considered many, but we will know for sure once the _Finalizer_ drops. Before that, we will not know.” 

 

Phasma voices a thought that Hux had not yet considered. He mentally kicks himself for not considering it sooner, as he has no idea how to respond. “What should we tell the crew?”

 

Ren speaks so quickly that he almost cuts off Phasma. “No. We shouldn’t tell them anything. They’d only be another problem.” 

 

“Lord Ren, the crew has to know if we are to execute this plan properly. Navigation must be made aware of the possible planets. Engineering needs to be aware of the fallout after the drop. Communications must immediately send a distress call to the main fleet to minimize the time we are stranded.” 

 

“There are always spies in the ranks. They will tell the Resistance where we are and how defenseless we are. They will find us and destroy us.” 

 

They both look to Hux for his input. As actual commander of the _Finalizer_ , he has the final say in what happens. Hux can find positives and negatives in both Phasma and Ren’s proposals. Tell the crew and expedite rescue. Tell the crew and possibly condemn the injured _Finalizer_ to Resistance attack. But do not and the crew will have no idea of the fate which steadily approaches them. The ship will shudder around them, and everyone outside of this room excluding Rhodona will think that their death approaches. 

 

Hux hopes that this decision won’t turn around to bite him in the arse. “I agree with Ren. Right now, the most important thing for the ship is to keep her safe. After the ship fails, communication will be almost completely destroyed. Once she drops and the secret is out, it won’t matter anymore.” Hux knows that if while he was a junior officer on this ship and his general made a decision like this, he would have despised her. “Keeping her safe means keeping secrets, much as I hate to patronize the crew like this. The ship simply cannot take another hit from the Resistance.” 

 

Hux can feel Ren’s smugness flowing off of his broad frame. He suddenly feels within himself the urge to punch his lover right in the chest. Hux’s decision wasn’t based on fucking _favoritism_ of all things, but if Ren is content thinking that he is the “favorite” or whatever, then Hux won’t address it any further. 

 

Phasma, because she is a professional, only says, “I understand, sir.” After she is dismissed from the room and Hux is alone in the room with Ren, he turns to his masked lover. 

 

“You do know what will happen when the ship drops? It will not be pleasant.”

 

“I have felt it before. I understand.”

 

Hux scowls at him. “No, you do not. This is a _Resurgent_ -class Star Destroyer. That is a lot of mass being propelled in light-speed and a lot of mass to be unceremoniously shoved out of light-speed. When you feel the ship start to shudder uncontrollably, brace yourself. There will be a great crunching noise, and the ship will scream as if it’s being torn to shreds. You must stay braced, no matter what happens or what sirens go off, until the screaming stops.”

 

“Where will you be, when the screaming stops?”

 

“Hopefully, I will be on the bridge where I can assume command once everything goes to shit.” Hux considers the possibilities of bridge failure, a real possibility in a forced light-speed drop, and so commands Ren, “I do not want you on the bridge at all until the ship makes the drop. In case of bridge decompression, you cannot be lost. You are worth too much.” 

 

Ren snarls at him, returning to his aggression. “And what about you?” 

 

Hux had not considered this question from Ren, but he finds his answer comes easier than he had with Phasma’s query. “When Starkiller was dying, I was not in the command room. I was out retrieving you, and though I am thankful I did so, the loss of my presence was detrimental to the escape efforts from the planet. Right now, with the chain of command so broken, I have to be on the bridge when the drop happens. We cannot afford another panic.”

 

Ren will not accept this, but Hux doesn’t live conforming to what Ren wants. If Ren knows what’s good for him, he will stay off of Hux’s bridge or Hux will drag him out himself. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

It has been a tense couple of cycles since Hux met with Ren and Phasma and shared with them the future that plagues them. Around him, on the bridge, his few remaining command officers are milling about, monitoring whatever they need to monitor. To his left, in the depression next to the walkway, Hux can hear two junior officers whispering to each other in hushed voices. Hux should really reprimand them for that, but he finds his thoughts consumed by the drop that could happen at any second. 

 

It is suffice to say that Hux has not been sleeping at all, much less leaving the bridge. Ren has for once obeyed Hux and stayed off the bridge. He will be safe encased within the _Finalizer’s_ heavy hull. It is only at the bridge that she is at her weakest. 

 

Hux’s hands are behind his back as he stands at parade rest at the front of the bridge, facing the great bow of his Star Destroyer. In front of him, the _Finalizer_ appears to pierce the stars with her pointed bow and silently slice them out of her way. She is almost delicate in this action, a contrast to her angled edges and stacked design. 

 

Hux relishes this silence, this calm before the storm. 

 

And then, the calm is shattered. 

 

Hux feels it first as a shaking underneath his boots. Then, with a heaving boom, the ship shudders uncontrollably. Hux’s eyes widen as he rushes across the bridge walkway. Around him, as he stumbles across the beam, monitors are screeching and officers are shouting amongst each other. One officer, in an absolute panic, yells, “What the fuck is happening?!” 

 

Hux’s only response to that is to shout, in a voice reserved to carry across the roar of fighter engines, “Brace! _Brace_!” 

 

His officers brace for impact, and Hux can only hope his crew off the bridge do the same. Hux grabs a handhold with both hands and hunches over himself to protect his head and stomach from any falling debris. He has no protection from decompression, exposed as he is. Hux can only hope the viewport will hold. 

 

The shuddering continues for longer than Hux expected, but he can’t be sure of the time that passes. He raises his head out of the protection of his arms to look around, wide-eyed and gaping, at the shaking walls of his ship. His ears are assaulted by ever-increasing alarms and sirens. Red light floods the bridge and distorts its shadows into a terrifying visage. 

 

Then, Hux has the most curious thought. _The engines won’t fail. I was wrong_. He moves to stand up from his crouched position, and a voice screams in his head, louder than the shaking walls and blaring sirens. 

 

_Hux, no!_

 

There is a great crunching sound, as if the _Finalizer_ has just absorbed all the energy in all of the universe into her broken hull. Then, unable to hold it within her form, the ship screams. The star-streaks suddenly reform themselves into balls. Hux hears the viewport screen crack, and then he is flung across the bridge’s floor like a ragdoll. Hux can barely feel his body as it slams against the opposing wall. He cannot stand amongst the shaking and so lies there, curled up in a ball with his arms over his face, in the wake of the screaming and shaking of his ship. 

 

Hux has never been more terrified in his entire life. With every additional crack of the viewport, so loud above the sirens and screaming, he hunches further on himself. Hux thinks that he can hear something trying to speak into his mind, but he can’t focus on anything besides his own hyperventilating. He has never trained for this scenario. There were no simulations for a Star Destroyer. 

 

Then, as quickly as the ship started to shake, it stops. The floor ceases its vibrating underneath Hux’s prone body. The only shaking Hux now feels is the shaking of his own body. Sirens continue to scream, but to Hux, they sound like they are far away, like a fighter that you hear in the distance, but when you turn to the sky to look, it’s already gone. 

 

Hux rolls over onto his back and lifts his arms off of his head. Above him, the bridge is bathed in red light, as red as Ren’s lightsaber and just as deadly. Hux can hear the viewport still crackling and knows that if he does not evacuate the bridge immediately, they will be sucked out into the vacuum. 

 

Hux rolls off of his back to push himself up, but his arms are shaking too much to let him stand. He mutters to himself a phrase he had often said as a youth. “Up, you fucking piece of Outer Rim shit, _get up_.” 

 

Hux pushes himself up to stand, and his ears clear up so that he hears the absolute chaos of the bridge. Around him, the walls appear slanted, warped by the force of being shoved out of light-speed. Hux turns to the viewport and flinches at the multitude of cracks, all derived from one initial crack towards the frame. Around him, both in the depression and on the main walkway, his officers stand, looking at the cracking viewport as well, enchanted by their oncoming deaths. 

 

Hux yells to his officers, over the din of destruction, “Everyone out! Get out!” 

 

As if broken out of a trance, Hux’s officers scramble towards the exits. One officer is tugging along another who has a head injury and is freely bleeding down her face. A couple shove past Hux in their rush, forgetting in their instinctual panic that he is their commanding officer. 

 

When Hux is the last person left, he does a final visual scan of the entire bridge. It is almost unrecognizable in its destruction. There is blood slathered on multiple monitors and consoles. Where Hux had been previously standing, facing the bow of the ship, the cracks are spreading. 

 

Hux shakes himself out of his trembling and rushes to the exit. When he crosses the threshold, an officer flips open the safety cover for the lever to isolate the bridge from the rest of the ship. She pulls the lever down, and Hux’s last view before the safety doors crash down in front of him is a bridge bathed in a ghostly red light amidst the pitch of sirens. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

Without the hum of her hyperdrive engines, the _Finalizer_ is quiet, even though Hux sits right in her engine room. The room is so large that it requires its own atmospheric monitoring system, just so that there is not an unexpected rainstorm onboard. In front of where Hux sits with his legs dangling on the edge of a walkway, his arms resting on a safety beam, is one of the _Finalizer’s_ hyperdrive booster components. This is where the electrons are accelerated to almost the speed of light so that the ship can squeeze itself into the place between three-dimensional space. 

 

Hux has always thought it strange that they referred to a place as “light-speed” because nothing can go the speed of light. Besides light. Even if anything besides light could, it would take so much longer to travel from system to system. There is a reason galactic measurement is in “light-years” and not “light-less-than-a-second”. Or “light-less-than-two-weeks”. 

 

The _Finalizer_ was _so close_ to reaching the main fleet. She only required two more cycles, and then Hux could deal with the fallout from the admiralty in person rather than over hologram. Communications is already fixing that particular problem, though Hux thinks that even if the holo-comms worked perfectly, he would not talk to the admirals today. 

 

Somehow, there weren’t any deaths from the sudden drop out of light-speed. There were plenty of injuries, but all are treatable, and Hux thinks that medical is enjoying the extra attention anyway. Hux wonders if less people would be injured if he had told them the truth, but he sets the thought aside and forces himself not to think about that. 

 

The only part of the ship completely lost to them is the bridge, but the _Finalizer_ has a secondary bridge in case of situations like this. It is rather cramped though. 

 

Currently, the _Finalizer_ is limping her way to a planet only known to the Order as IM-8973. The ‘IM’ stands for ‘Inhospitable Molten’, which is of course part of the reason Hux decided to maroon his crew there. His other choices were ‘Magnetically Unstable’ or ‘Unknown to Order’. Considering that they are still in a mostly uncharted quadrant of space, Hux will take the inhospitable, molten rock over anything else available to him. 

 

Oh, how low Hux’s standards have fallen. 

 

Hux ventured all the way to the engine rooms for a reason, but he finds himself unwilling to write his report on the hyperdrive-engine failure just yet. He keeps getting distracted by his report on Starkiller Base, and then once he remembers Starkiller, he remembers all the casualties he has to read and all the death certificates he must send out to deceased officers’ families. 

 

What is he even supposed to say in those letters to the families? _Dear sir or madam, my apologies, but due to an engineering flaw from forty fucking years ago and the idiotic actions of command, your beloved son or daughter of the Order has perished. Here’s a hundred credits._

 

Now that he thinks about it, sending a letter like that would be rather entertaining. Hux would never do so, but he humors the idea a bit as he reaches down into his jacket to pull out a packet of dried fruit. He rips open the vacuum-sealed packet and eats the bits of fruit in small bites, savoring both the texture and taste. 

 

As Hux continues to savor his fruit, he feels something akin to fingers brushing down his cheek. He knows only of one person on his ship who can do something like that. 

 

“Hello, Ren.”

 

“Hux.”

 

Ren finally moves out from behind him to sit beside Hux in the same manner. Ren knocks his foot against Hux’s own. When Hux turns to look at him, Ren lowers the cowl covering his head. He is unmasked, and his eyes are calm.  


 

Hux wants to ask why Ren is being so normal all of a sudden, but before he can say anything, Ren cuts in with, “Hux, you need to sleep.”

 

“I went to medical, like everyone else on the bridge, and they said I was fine. I was only a bit bruised from getting thrown across the room.” Hux slides another piece of dried fruit into his mouth and lets it melt on his tongue. 

 

Ren scowls at him, and Hux thinks that this expression is a lot easier to deal with than when he was calm. “Hux, you know I’m not talking about that. It’s been four cycles. I’ve barely seen you. You were on the bridge almost constantly.” 

 

Hux really wants a particular piece of dried fruit, but it is at the very bottom of the bag, and he can’t maneuver his fingers around the other pieces covering it. Hux thinks he could pour it out into his hand, but then he would only have one hand left and that hand would have to hold the bag. The walkway is probably clean though. Hux starts to pour the dried fruit onto the walkway, but Ren grabs the bag before he can overturn it. 

 

“Hux—” 

 

But before Ren can get any further, Hux rips the bag out of Ren’s grasp and snarls, low and menacing, “Don’t you fucking touch my food.” 

 

Ren immediately backs off, his hands in the air to be as non-threatening as possible. This submissive movement from Ren, the most aggressive person Hux knows, snaps something back into place in Hux’s mind. And then, as if his recently past self is another person entirely, Hux thinks about what he just did.

 

“Oh, fuck,” he mutters. 

 

Ren lowers his arms to reach towards Hux, but pauses halfway, unknowing of whether or not to touch. “Hux?” 

 

“Fuck, oh fuck, oh shit, _shit_.” Hux can feel his breath getting faster. His arms are shaking, and when Hux looks down at them, they don’t feel like his own. Hux has the vaguest sensation that he is floating away, towards the top of the engine room like he is a storm cloud not meant to be in the engine room. 

 

As Hux is desperately trying to ground himself, he can hear Ren saying frantically, as if through a tunnel, “Hux, you need to breathe. Hux! It’s all fine, everything’s fine, calm down!” 

 

Hux clenches his eyes shut against the visual overload of the massive hyperdrive booster component in front of him, so large that the darkness within it tries to pull Hux into its embrace. But with his eyes now closed, the darkness is all around him and inescapable. Hux whimpers softly, trying desperately to ground himself in _something_. 

 

When Ren finally grabs his face to roughly turn it towards his own, Hux’s eyes fly open and he gasps in a breath. In front of him, Ren is still talking, and Hux focuses on the movement of Ren’s lips. Slowly, they form themselves into words that Hux can hear beyond the buzzing in his head. 

 

“…Hux…everything’s fine, Hux, it’s ok, Hux, I’m here, it’s fine.” 

 

Hux stares into Ren’s eyes and finally confesses to what he had been denying all this week, from Starkiller to the drop to now. “No. It’s all really not.” 

 

Ren’s face does some pretty impressive contortions as he tries to think of a way to refute Hux’s statement. But Hux knows he’s right. He’s known all along. “You’re wrong, Hux. Something’s gone right, too. I can feel it in the Force.” 

 

Oh, of course, the fucking _Force_. “Oh? And what does the Force tell you, little lord?”

 

It’s so very _easy_ to get under Ren’s skin. Only two small words, and he’s angry again. Good. Hux can’t take being patronized. “There’s a voice in my head—”

 

“Now there’s a comforting thought.”

 

Ren’s hands on his face tighten as he says, “Shut up, Hux! There’s a voice, and it’s not mine. It’s not yours. It’s not Snoke’s. It’s something new, and it’s trying to tell me something.” 

 

Hux plays along with Ren’s little game, if only to distract himself from everything else. “And what is it saying?”

 

Ren’s face gets more animated as he says, “It’s not telling me something, Hux, it’s showing me something. I just need to figure out what the visions mean.” 

 

Hux asks the question he has asked many times to Ren over the years. “How is this at all relevant to me?”

 

Ren huffs out an annoyed breath. “It’s important because it’s a test. From Snoke, but not through him. And I think it’s for both of us. I don’t understand most of what the voice shows me, but I think I can see you in the pictures.” Ren shakes Hux’s head as if to illustrate his point. “Don’t you see, Hux? We have another day approaching. Another day of greatness. Soon, just over the horizon.” 

 

Hux breaks away from Ren’s gaze to stare down at the drop between the walkway and the bottom of the booster. With the engine room as dark as it is, it appears endless. He thinks that maybe Ren needs some sleep, too, if he is hallucinating another voice in his already cramped head. 

 

Ren makes another frustrated grunt at him. “Stop doubting me! There has to be a reason for all of this shit, Hux. You say it, all the time, to me and to yourself. ‘One day, it will all be worth it’. I think this voice is telling me that our day is coming!” Ren nods Hux’s head for him. “And everything will be worth it!”

 

Hux knows the phrase very well, it being a remnant of earlier days when he was younger. He thought his day had come at Starkiller, standing on that platform and watching his Starkiller destroy a system through the might of First Order engineering. And then, it suddenly was not. 

 

When Hux’s day had come, it was not worth it. He was not worth it. The only thing testament to that day is a neutron star and a ruined Star Destroyer on route to orbit an inhospitable world in the dark expanse of space. 

 

Hux suddenly finds that he is exhausted. He looks back up at Ren, and whatever Ren sees in his face makes him stop his animated declarations of the Force and days of worthy. Ren releases his hold on Hux’s face slightly and reverently traces the bags underneath Hux’s eyes with his overlarge thumbs. Hux reaches up with his unused hand to grab Ren’s wrist and clings to it. Their eyes meet, and Hux struggles to focus on Ren’s pupils. 

 

“Kylo. I’m so _tired_.” 

 

Oddly, Ren’s bottom lip begins to quiver. He breathes in a shuddering breath, sounding so loud in the strange silence of the engine room, and says, quite softly, “I know, Hux. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool, so a lot of the concepts I used in this chapter are derived from neutron stars and wormhole mechanics:
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> \- Neutron stars form when a massive star goes supernova (I did not make Starkiller go supernova because the shock wave that comes with it would absolutely fucking _obliterate_ the _Finalizer_ ) 
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> \- Neutron stars are actually relatively tiny, usually having a radius of about 11.5 km, but are so dense with neutrons that they have a lot of mass. A lot of mass contained within a sphere with a tiny radius means that there's an incredibly strong magnetic field. When they emit pulsars, that's a lot of electromagnetic radiation to be fucking with other atoms 
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> \- Basically, a wormhole compresses space from point A to point B so that instead of shortening the time it takes to get somewhere (by increasing velocity), it shortens the _distance_ between the points, therefore decreasing the time it takes to get there 
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> \- The speed of light ( c = 3.0e8 m/s ) cannot be surpassed by anything besides light. We can accelerate particles incredibly close, but never the exact velocity. I actually don't know much besides that (I haven't taken my second engineering class which studies waves and such), but in my research, I found that theoretically, if you travel faster than the speed of light, time starts to get all fucked up (to put it in scientific terms) 
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> \- That's why I decided to make "light-speed" in this fic a place rather than an actual speed. It's basically a personal wormhole for a hyperdrive-capable ship to squeeze itself into. Which means there's the possibility of being thrown _out_ of light-speed. 
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> I hope to get the next chapter out by next Friday~*~


	3. Hux Faces His Real Enemy: The Bureaucracy™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Hux push at the M rating of this fic, but are held back by The Plot™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone once again! Chapter 3 was especially fun for me to write (which I find funny because I spent last weekend staring at an open word document saying "fuck" repeatedly to myself) 
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> Again, thank you to all who read, hit kudos and sent comments! It is a lovely feeling to get notifications, and it really helps me continue to write this indulgent mess. 
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> Science is in endnotes, as always! 
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> Warnings for this chapter include: a bit of gore, but not too terribly; claustrophobia and dissociation on a smaller scale 
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> I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!
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____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Hux opens his eyes, and he sees nothing. 

 

No, not nothing. There is something surrounding him, but what he feels is an absence of matter. An absence of… 

 

No. There’s something. Over there, in the distance, five spheres orbiting a star. 

 

Hux immediately recognizes this system. He had spent a decade working with it in his periphery as he rose in rank aboard the _Finalizer_. 

 

This is the Hosnian System. 

 

And yet, it is not. 

 

Hux witnessed its destruction. From the platform on Starkiller Base, he had ordered the weapon to fire and had seen the red beam of stellar energy erupt from the planet’s core. He had seen the trees bend back from the force of the weapon’s firing, bowing down to a greater power. It was destruction incarnate, and Hux had basked in its presence. 

 

The planets in the Hosnian System are orbiting too fast. In a blur, the innermost planet loops its star over and over again, almost making Hux dizzy to look at it. The outermost planet, a frost-chilled hunk of rock, orbits slower, but not by much. There is something wrong with time, here, wherever Hux floats among the five planets. It is breaking convention. 

 

The planets continue their swift orbit. Soon, one planet, the fourth in orbit, begins to flourish. Its molten surface condenses into continents, oceans. Hux can soon see lights pop up across the planetary surface. These lights quickly spread to the other four planets within the system. Still, they continue their quick orbits. Hux sees a massive solar flare arch out from the system’s star. Its tendrils caress each of the five planets and move on, into the vacuum to be lost from sight. 

 

Hux floats among this, separate from this universal progression. Every once in a while, Hux hears a beating, distant and yet ever so close to him. Hux thinks that it’s just over his shoulder, but when he turns to look, only the ever-expanding void looks back at him. Perhaps he only imagined it. 

 

Hux does not look again, even though the beating continues behind him. Instead, he is now captivated by the planetary orbits as they slow down into almost absolute stillness. Their rotations are invisible to Hux now. In their stagnancy, they appear lifeless, but Hux knows better. This is the New Republic’s headquarters. This is where they sit and command the galaxy, as if they have the divine right. 

 

They do not. They never did. 

 

Hux feels a tingling in his arm, and he brings it up to his face. It feels so light within the vacuum of space. Hux swings it across his body a couple times to test the resistance it encounters. There is none. 

 

The tingling is spreading down to his forearm, and Hux holds it in front of him so that his palm is visible. Underneath his nearly translucent skin is a bright red beam, travelling down the veins of Hux’s arms and into his palm. There it coalesces into a sphere, bulging outward from underneath Hux’s palm. Suddenly, Hux is afraid that this power contained within him will burst outward into the vacuum. Hux can picture his own blood floating in perfect spheres after his hand shatters. The dull red blood would begin to orbit Hux, like they too are planets and Hux is their star. 

 

But no. The sphere flattens in Hux’s palm and spreads its own tendrils across Hux’s fingers in orderly lines. The tendrils appear to creep up Hux’s fingers, like they are cautious in their power. Like they know the being that contains them could fail at any moment. Hux spreads his fingers to accommodate the beams of light. They continue to vibrate in Hux’s fingers, but Hux doesn’t allow the motion to move his hand. He keeps it steady and directed towards the Hosnian System. 

 

Hux hears something rustle behind him, sounding like the glide his overcoat makes against the tunic of his uniform. He doesn’t think he imagined that sound, for it was so personal it felt as though it was whispered in his ear. But that can’t be right. There is no sound in space. Nothing to carry it across the void. Hux turns his head to look at it, but again, he only sees an absence. 

 

Just his imagination. 

 

Hux faces the Hosnian System again, holding the beams of light in his fingers. They try and move forward to Hux’s fingertips, pushing at their containment like leashed dogs, but Hux does not let them. Not yet. 

 

Hux cannot say how long he floats there in space, with something rustling against his body and shivering around his ears. The breaths Hux takes are slow and measured. The vacuum smells of welded metal; around him, everything has just been burned. It is strange surviving in this place, as living means the tearing of lungs as gas expands and one’s veins bubbling like boiling water. You would be conscious for only fifteen seconds here, every one spent knowing that your death ticked ever closer. Yet Hux only thrives in this place. 

 

Hux waits for the perfect moment to fire the beams from his fingertips. They are getting restless at being contained, and Hux does not know if he can hold them within for much longer. The beam on his pointer finger is creeping up, braver and more reckless than its companions. Hux stops its movement at the very tip of his finger, and he can almost hear the beam snarl at being restrained. 

 

The moment comes, and Hux feels something physical switch in his mind. The beams, free from their imprisonment, shoot out from Hux’s fingers in a deafening roar of bright red light. Hux’s hand begins to shake against his will, and he reaches up with his other hand to grasp his wrist and hold it steady. Underneath the grip, Hux’s wrist feels like it’s burning from the inside. Hux clenches his teeth in a snarl as he watches the beams erupt from his hand towards the Hosnian System, straight-lined in their perfection. The light is burning to Hux’s eyes, unused to the sheer might of this energy after an eternity surrounded by nothing but a single star’s light. Still, Hux does not look away from the system. 

 

He wants to see what he could not from Starkiller.

 

The planets are too slow to avoid the beams of energy. Hux watches as the first beam, the one from his thumb, slams into the furthest planet of the system, the one coated with ice in the infinite past. Then, the reckless pointer finger beam hits the fourth planet. That one was Hosnian Prime. 

 

Soon, all five beams strike each planet, one after the other. Hux watches as their crusts crumple first, then their mantles and finally their planetary cores. The force of the shockwave should annihilate Hux, spread his atoms across the galaxy, but the shockwave shoots past him into the void, out to show the galaxy what Hux has just achieved. 

 

In front of him, Hux sees a remarkable transformation. As the beams of stellar energy continue to propagate on the surface of the five planets, the hydrogen contained within them shapes itself into a ring around the once-planets. The Hosnian System is becoming a pocket nova, colorful and vibrant as the elements from the destroyed planets circulate within its clouds. This nova be visible across the galaxy for generations. Hux knows that it will continue far past his own death, past the deaths of even his successors. 

 

But not here, in this time. 

 

Before Hux can properly savor the results of his Starkiller, time speeds up again. Hux watches in horror as the Hosnian System dies its second death. The nova fades from view as the universe expands and entropy takes hold. Soon, all that Hux can see is an all-encompassing darkness. When he looks down at his hands, he cannot see them. There is nothing around him but an expansive blackness. Hux brings his hands up to try and touch his face, but he can’t feel the bridge of his nose or the curve of his mouth. It’s like he is trying to touch air; he knows it’s there, but he can’t touch it. Hux can’t even feel the breath he takes. He can’t even tell if he is breathing at all. 

 

It’s as though he has become nothing. 

 

Before he can stop it, Hux starts to hyperventilate, but he can’t tell if he’s just imagining that either. The universe is so dark and quiet that Hux thinks it doesn’t properly exist at all. Hux thinks he might have just turned around, but with no point of reference, he can’t possibly tell where in space he is. Only his mind remains with him. With every moment in this infinite darkness, Hux grows ever more terrified. There is a perverse sense of isolation, and Hux can’t even bring himself to cry out for anyone to help him. He knows no one would hear him. There is no sound in space. 

 

A rustle of something against his face brings Hux back from his descent into hopelessness. Hux inhales sharply and blinks in the darkness, trying to focus on the thing just in front of him. But without the light from any star, he sees nothing. 

 

Hux chokes out, pushing through the vacuum, “What is this?”

 

The thing rustles against his face again, almost as if it’s trying to comfort him. Hux can’t think of anything that would do that except for Ren, and he knows Ren is not in this dream. Hux would not be trapped in space if Ren was in his mind. 

 

Hux repeats himself, almost screaming it. The thing jumps away from Hux’s face, apparently offended by Hux’s refusal of its comforting stroking. 

 

And finally, Hux hears its voice, somehow existing inside his head and appearing outside in the void too. It sounds very old, as if it has spent its life breathing in a vacuum and forcing its lungs to accept the nonexistent air. It makes Hux shiver. 

 

_This is one day._

 

Then, Hux feels a shockwave hit him hard in the chest, knocking the absent breath out of his chest. Hux turns around to witness a dark mass coalesce itself into the smallest sphere of nothingness possible. It is smaller than Hux can even conceptualize, and his head aches when he looks at it and tries to distinguish it from the surrounding darkness. 

 

The mass explodes outward in a dazzling array of light. Hux squints his eyes closed against it, tries to shield his face with his hands, but it is no use. The skin of his hands is instantly flayed. Muscles are stripped from their bones and the delicate bones of his hand shiver into dust. His eyelids are no match for energy of this magnitude, and they are burned away, exposing Hux’s eyes once more to the blinding light before they too are burned. Hux tries to scream in his newfound darkness, but can’t as his throat shreds against the onslaught of particle acceleration from this massive explosion, more massive than his Starkiller. He can only silently gape as the shockwave silently burns through his body. 

 

As Hux incinerates, the rustling continues around him, its maker content to watch as the universe destroys its companion. This is the only sound heard in this vacuum, this bright and terrible place, this great cosmic birth that Hux has never wished to know. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Hux wakes up suddenly, feeling both overheated and claustrophobic. He looks around him, noticing that he is in his bedroom aboard the _Finalizer_. The viewport to his left is darkened considerably, which makes Hux think he woke up in the middle of the “night” cycle. On the bedside table is a datapad Hux had left there about four cycles ago, when he was last in this room. When Hux looks to his right, to Ren’s side of the bed, it is empty. Empty of body and empty of pillows, for they all rest underneath Hux’s head. 

 

Hux can’t remember how he got here last cycle, as his mind feels uncomfortably clouded, like someone has just pumped hot air into his skull. He most definitely can’t remember piling no less than four blankets on top of his person. Hux uncovers his arms from the blanket mass and pushes the heavy load off of himself. He sits up in bed, puts his feet on the cold, durasteel floor and hunches over himself. Hux rests his forearms on his legs and notices that sometime before he slept, he took off his tunic and gloves but not his undershirt or pants or even his boots. Hux squints at their unpolished surface for a few seconds before dropping his head lower and sighing. His dog tags clink together with the motion, and Hux reaches up to settle them into silence. 

 

With one final sigh, Hux heaves himself up and out of bed. He immediately goes over to take off his boots with the boot jack and leaves them standing in the corner of the room. Then, he pulls off his undershirt and pants, balls them up and tosses them down the laundry receptacle. Hux remains clothed in his undershorts and dog tags, which are warm against his chest from the body heat trapped by the four blankets. 

 

Hux walks over to the bedside table. As he is reaching down to retrieve his datapad, the exit door panel opens with a hiss, and Kylo Ren stumbles in, panting through his mask as if he has just run the entire length of the _Finalizer_. 

 

Hux looks up from the bedside table to stare at Ren through the eye slit of his mask. Ren continues to pant, hunched over himself as he leans against the frame of the door panel. For some odd reason, he has his lightsaber clutched in his fist, thankfully deactivated. Hux does not want to think of the reasons why Ren was running about the ship with his lightsaber in hand. He pushes the thought aside. 

 

“You’re awake.” 

 

Hux sighs again. Ren, stating the obvious. “Yes, which I am thankful for, considering I could have been smothered last night.” 

 

Ren pushes himself off the door with a huff. The door blessedly slides closed behind him as he continues into the room. Ren is taking off clothing with every step he takes, letting it trail behind him as he goes into the fresher. He tosses his lightsaber carelessly on the bedside table, right on top of Hux’s datapad, blocking it from view.

 

Hux turns away from his datapad and follows Ren into the fresher. Inside, Ren slips his mask off and sets it in Hux’s hands, then turns to the mirror over the sink and yanks it open. 

 

Holding Ren’s mask, Hux asks, quite bewildered, “Don’t you have to be somewhere on ship? What time is it anyway?” 

 

Ren has a toothbrush in his mouth when he replies, “’Bout 0200. In the middle of your own sleep cycle, technically. So no.” Ren removes the toothbrush from his mouth and spits into the sink. “You do not have to go to the bridge right now.” He replaces it back in the mirrored cabinet and closes the door. 

 

Hux only becomes more bewildered. After Ren finishes washing out his mouth and the sink, Hux follows him out of the fresher, where Ren works to take off even more layers of clothing. Hux has always thought that Ren wore too many layers, both in and out of the bedroom. 

 

“How long have I been asleep?”

 

Ren tilts his head to the side, as if in deep thought. His voice is nonchalant when he says, “About sixteen hours or so.” He unclips his wide belt and drops it on the floor. 

 

Hux drops Ren’s helmet in surprise, and it clatters against the floor noisily. Hux sputters out, “ _Sixteen_ —Ren, are you serious? I can’t afford to sleep that long!”

 

“Hux—”

 

“Not only do we have a broken hyperdrive, but we are also running on auxiliary engine power, which is not exactly meant for long term use—”

 

“ _Hux_ —”

 

“—and we _still_ have to get into orbit around IM-8973 or the admiralty would not even _hesitate_ to cut us fucking loose—What, Ren?” 

 

During Hux’s entire speech, Ren had kept repeating his name, over and over again until Hux simply could not ignore it anymore. Hux turns his attention to the immature man in front of him and irritably demands, “What?”

 

Ren takes a deep breath, as if he is the one winded by Hux’s speech. “Hux. We are fine. The engines are working properly; I checked in with Rhodona myself. We are not working at our best, but it’s the best we’ve got. Rhodona says most weapons are fully functional, except turbolasers and most of the TIE’s. And Hux? Look at this.” Ren walks over to the darkened viewport of Hux’s bedroom and says, “Windows fifty percent”. Then, Hux sees a sight unlike any other. 

 

In front of Hux, appearing almost touchable if Hux reached outside the confines of the viewport, is IM-8973, the inhospitable hellhole Hux chose for the _Finalizer_ to orbit. The golden planet takes up much of the viewpoint. Hux can see bright rivers of hot lava carving canyons through the dark, unstable crust of the developing planet. Out beyond it is the vast expanse of space, with distant stars suspended like so many perfect lights. They do not flicker, as stars only flicker if one is on a planet with an atmosphere. 

 

Hux walks up to the viewport slowly, his eyes widening at the sight when he stops to look outside at the molten planet. He traces his finger on the viewport across one of the lava canals. If he were to touch it, his finger would burn instantly, but for some odd reason, Hux wants to touch it quite terribly. When he speaks, his voice is hushed. “How did we get here?” He cannot tell if that question was rhetorical or not. 

 

Ren apparently does not have that same dilemma. He looks out at the planet with Hux and squints at it, as if the lava is too bright for him. “I brought us here. We’re in a geosynchronous orbit a little above the planet’s equator. We have been for the past five hours.” 

 

Hux pulls himself away from the viewpoint to gape at Ren a bit stupidly. He doesn’t think Ren or his crew are incompetent or anything; it’s just that he assumed that he would be the one to bring the _Finalizer_ into orbit. “You did?” Hux asks incredulously.

 

Ren scowls at him, but the effect is ruined since he is half-dressed in an assortment of black drapery. “What, you thought I couldn’t do it?” He continues to undress, but does so in a more rigid manner, almost ripping the clothes off his body. 

 

“No, it’s not that, it’s just…” Hux trails off because the last time he and Ren had really interacted one-on-one, Ren had destroyed another monitoring room, threatened Hux with his lightsaber and then proceeded to cry into Hux’s stomach. The whirlwind of emotions that Ren went through in that moment does not translate into navigating the ship into a stable orbit. 

 

Ren’s scowl transforms itself into a look that can only be described as confused. He pauses with his hands about to push down his leggings, his last article of clothing. Ren straightens up to stare at the other man. A thin chain glitters around his neck. “Hux, that happened five cycles ago. We’ve talked since then.” Ren’s eyebrows pinch together in concern. “Do you not remember?”

 

Ren tries to reach for him, but Hux moves away from the viewpoint in irritation, annoyed by Ren’s casual use of mind-reading. “Do stay out of my mind, Ren,” he bites out. Hux reaches out to grab Ren’s lightsaber and moves it off his datapad. He grabs the datapad and turns it on. The messages he has received are extensive, but curiously, there are less than Hux expected. 

 

But Ren is not deterred. He moves behind Hux and hovers over his shoulder. “Hux, do you seriously not remember going to the engine room?” 

 

Hux’s fingers fly across the datapad as he schedules meetings for the next cycle. Apparently, the issue with communications has not been resolved yet, so Hux won’t be able to talk to the admiralty for perhaps a cycle more. That’s fine to Hux. 

 

Hux responds to Ren almost absent-mindedly, already working again. “Why would I go to the engine room? I already know what’s wrong with them.”

 

Ren wraps his hands around Hux’s arms and forces him to turn around to face him. Hux looks up from the light of his datapad to sneer at Ren. “What do you want, Ren? I never went to the engine rooms. I don’t know what delusions go on inside your head, but that memory must be one of them.” Hux realizes that he’s being a bit mean, but he can’t shake Ren off of him. And he really needs to. If he’s been off-duty for sixteen hours, he can’t afford to be affectionate. 

 

Ren isn’t provoked and only takes the datapad from Hux’s hands. Hux cries out a protest and reaches for it, but Ren floats it out of his hands towards the ceiling, where it plasters itself with the Force. Hux looks up at it, but it’s not coming down. He turns his ire back to Ren. Hux can already feel his face turning red and his stomach heating uncomfortably. 

 

“Ren, I swear to _fuck_ —”

 

Ren interrupts him by grabbing his arms and squeezing them. Hux is shocked into silence by the move, even though his anger explodes within his body once more. Ren’s eyes bore into his, and Hux knows exactly what Ren wants. 

 

Hux blows a puff of hair against Ren’s face, disturbing his hair which hangs lank against him. “Fine. Show me whatever delusion exists inside that mind of yours.”

 

Ren rolls his eyes, but obligingly moves one of his hands off of Hux’s arms to hover by his head in a clawed position. Apparently, according to Ren, sharing current emotions is much easier than reading or showing memories with the Force. This is why Ren has to hold his hand up, supposedly. Hux still thinks he does it to appear otherworldly and intimidating. 

 

Ren’s eyes close, and so Hux closes his as well. Then, Hux is pulled into Ren’s mind. The sensation can only be described as feeling negative G’s, like when you’re at the top of a loop and your body’s innards float within their confinement. Hux finds it nauseating, but only because he has to keep his eyes closed and can’t focus on a reference point. He wills himself not to vomit like an inexperienced cadet. 

 

Within the darkness, Hux sees a memory. It’s of himself, from behind, sitting with his legs dangling off a walkway in the hyperdrive-engine room. He’s eating something in quick bites, which perplexes Hux because he doesn’t eat like that anymore. He doesn’t hide anymore. 

 

As the rest of the memory plays out, Hux becomes more and more perplexed until he sees himself snarl at Ren in unjustified aggression. That is when Hux realizes that perhaps he should not have gone four cycles without proper sleep, if _this_ is what he becomes. That is a person spinning out of control and diving head-first into the ground. 

 

In the present, Hux opens his eyes and slaps Ren’s hand away from his head. He backs up and hits the bed, stumbling before inelegantly sitting down. Hux stares at the corner of the fresher door panel and pants, willing his stomach to settle. The anger within it has fled somewhere else, and only discomfort remains. Hux’s fists clench and his fingernails dig sharply into his palms. 

 

Ren doesn’t have the same problem with Force-induced nausea, but still gently sits down next to Hux anyway. He rests his forearms on his legs and hunches over himself, much as Hux had done after he had woken up. Ren’s head turns to look at Hux, waiting for him to make the first move. 

 

Finally, after Hux gets his nausea under control, he speaks, but what comes out is not what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

 

Ren scoffs to himself. “You don’t have to apologize for emotion, Hux.”

 

“Still, I should _not_ have snarled at you like that.” Hux had no right to react that way to Ren trying to stop himself from pouring food on the ground. Ren was only trying to help, in his own sort of way. Hux digs his nails further into his palm. The pain from that distracts him from reanalyzing over and over again how he behaved in front of Ren. 

 

But Ren doesn’t validate Hux’s statement. Instead, he takes Hux’s fisted hand in one of his own and unfurls it from its grip in Hux’s palm. Then, Ren reaches over to Hux’s other hand and pulls it over across his body to rest in Ren’s lap. He slides both of his hands into Hux’s own and interlocks their fingers together. Hux digs his fingernails into Ren’s hand, like he had his own, but Ren has never minded him doing this. He still won’t look Ren in the eyes. He doesn’t think he can, just yet. 

 

Ren’s thumbs begin to stroke soothingly over Hux’s hands. “You were right to snarl at me. I shouldn’t have touched your food.” 

 

“I knew you weren’t going to take it, I just…” 

 

“Hux. You’re talking to the man who threatened to kill you when you tried to talk him down. I think I can handle being snarled at.” 

 

Yes, Ren can handle being snarled at, but Hux remember times when he drew blood at the barest _thought_ that someone was going to take food from him. That was so long ago, and Hux thought he had moved past that. He thought he had shoved that particular problem away, once he entered the Academy and finally became an officer. But apparently not. 

 

Ren sighs loudly in exasperation, and he lets go of Hux’s hands. Then, he pushes Hux to lay down on the bed. Hux is just about to open his mouth to yell at him when Ren follows him down by plopping his entire body mass straight on top of Hux. Hux grunts inelegantly as Ren crushes him. Ren’s face nestles in the crook of Hux’s neck, and he starts to mouth at it. 

 

Hux manages to choke out, “Ren. You are _crushing_ me.” His hands push against Ren’s well-defined stomach, but it’s like pushing against a wall. Hux kicks out one of his feet, which are still resting on the durasteel floor and contorting Hux’s body into an awkward position. 

 

Finally, Ren rolls over off of Hux to lay on his side of the bed. Hux gasps in a breath and brings his legs up to stretch out on the bed. His head is awkwardly elevated, and that’s when he remembers that Ren has no pillows on his side. Hux presses his head harder into the pillows, childish in his desire that Ren have none. 

 

Ren’s voice is deadpan when he says, to the ceiling, “Hux, give me a pillow.”

 

Hux shouldn’t be angry that Ren diverted the conversation away from sensitive topics, but he is annoyed by the path Ren took. No one asks to be laid upon. “No.” 

 

Ren throws his head back further and scrunches his eyes closed in extreme frustration. He groans loudly, but soon stops, relaxes his head and lays there with his eyes closed, seemingly at peace. 

 

Just as Hux thinks Ren will go to sleep, Ren reaches over with a hand, grabs Hux’s left arm and rolls Hux over onto his chest. The movement is so fast that the only thing Hux can do is lay on top of Ren in disbelief of how he got there. 

 

Ren’s eyes open then. He stares up at Hux and barks out a laugh at the expression on Hux’s face. With a hand on his head, Ren pushes Hux down to rest on his chest. His other arm wraps itself around Hux’s torso. Their legs tangle together. 

 

Hux would complain about all the manhandling, but he is comfortable here, absorbing Ren’s body heat into his own chilled frame. For some reason, Hux thinks about thermodynamics, about sources and sinks. Hux brings his hand to rest against Ren’s chest and splays it out over the expanse. His eyes close as he listens to Ren’s heartbeat, but before he can fall asleep, Ren speaks again. 

 

“You never thanked me for running the ship for you.” 

 

Hux scoffs once against Ren’s chest. “Yes, Ren, thank you for fulfilling your position as co-commander.” He reaches up with his hand not on Ren’s chest and sharply tugs at Ren’s ear. 

 

Ren yanks his head out of the grasp. He has never liked it when Hux messed with his ears. “You could have said something,” he mutters, quite dejectedly. 

 

Hux is so amused by that sentence that he lifts his head from Ren’s chest, dislodging Ren’s hand, to stare down at his lover. Ren’s face is turned to the side in a pout. “What, did you want me to pet you and call you a good boy?” 

 

Ren’s face flushes rather unattractively. Hux snickers at the sight. “But you would love that, of course.” He scooches his body up Ren’s and moves his dark hair away from his ear with one hand. Hux leans down to kiss it once and then whispers into it, teasingly, “If that’s what you want to hear. Then fine.” Hux pets Ren’s side with his other hand, stroking over smooth skin over and over again. He kisses Ren’s ear one more time before whispering, “ _Good boy_ , Kylo Ren.” Hux pats Ren’s upper thigh twice. “I am very pleased with you.”

 

The reaction it gets from Ren is almost instantaneous. He whimpers low in his throat and tilts his head back, exposing more of his neck to Hux. Hux immediately latches onto it, biting gently as he makes his way across Ren’s neck towards his collarbones. When he reaches the chain around his neck, Hux sucks on it, enjoying the metallic taste of it. Ren’s arm around him tightens as he pushes his body up to press against Hux. 

 

“Hux,” Ren whines. “Hux, please, _please_ …”

 

Hux looks up at Ren, chain still clutched between his teeth, to see Ren panting up at the ceiling. His lips are parted invitingly, and so Hux drops the chain from his mouth and moves up to kiss Ren deeply, for the first time since Starkiller fell. It is only a kiss, but to Hux it feels like Ren’s power is seeping into his own frame to strengthen it for Hux’s trials to come. Hux bites down on Ren’s bottom lip, hard enough to bring pain, but soft enough not to break skin, a difference Hux knows well. 

 

While Ren continues his throaty whimpers, Hux pushes his thigh in between Ren’s own. As soon as Ren presses himself against it, the datapad, forgotten about in their distractions, drops from its place on the ceiling to shatter on the durasteel floor. The sound it makes is not lost among Ren’s heady groan, and Hux pulls himself from Ren’s lips to stare at where the datapad shattered. He can’t see it from Ren’s side of the bed, but he is affronted by its interruption just the same. 

 

Ren immediately starts sloppily kissing at the side of Hux’s face. He sighs, “It doesn’t matter, Hux, we’ll deal with it in the morning.” Ren moves to Hux’s ear and nibbles at the lobe. His hips continue to rub against Hux’s thigh, bringing Hux’s thoughts away from the datapad to what Ren has just said. 

 

Yes. In the morning. Hux will deal with everything when morning comes. For now, as the chrono reaches 0300, he is determined to stay in this place with Ren, where no one can reach him and where the only responsibility he has is to give Ren pleasure. 

 

Hux turns his head back to face Ren’s and kisses him, slipping his tongue in to lick at Ren’s mouth. This is a responsibility he knows he will do well. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Hux wakes the second time feeling chilled, but very relaxed all the same. As he looks around him, he sees that the source of the chill is the mass of blankets shoved to the foot of the bed. Hux looks to his side and sees that the chrono on the wall reads 0600, the normal time Hux would wake up. Hux is glad that his body remembered what his mind could not, as he had forgotten to set an alarm after he and Ren had finished. 

 

Ren. Hux looks to the other side to see Ren sprawled out on his stomach. His hands are shoved beneath a pillow that he apparently stole back from Hux the night before. Ren’s dark hair obscures his face from view. Hux wonders how Ren can breathe, much less sleep, like that. 

 

Hux pushes himself up to sit with his arms splayed out on his bent legs. This is when he realizes that he and Ren did not deign to get dressed after last night’s activities. Hux thinks that, somehow, he’s gotten even skinnier. Ren has too, but he’s so bulky that no one can tell the difference, especially with the layers he wears. Hux traces his eyes down Ren’s back, which is speckled with moles and rather appealing, but when he gets to what he can see of Ren’s inner thighs, he winces to himself. 

 

Hux has always loved Ren’s thighs. Thick, powerful, so unlike his own skinny pair. However, last night, Hux apparently deviated from worshipping Ren’s thighs to instead outright mauling them. As Hux leans in to take a closer look, Ren stirs with a low moan. 

 

Ren lifts his head from the pillow and tosses his hair out of his face. He looks behind himself to see Hux, who is currently staring at Ren’s thighs in slight horror. 

 

“Hux, I think you almost killed me last night.”

 

Hux turns away from the mess of Ren’s thighs to say, “I don’t remember any complaining.” In reality, it was the opposite. They are always goading each other in bed, trying to one-up each other in whatever way they can. It makes for pleasant, but exhausting sex. 

 

Ren is laughing softly as he pushes himself up to sit. He shifts his legs so that he is sitting with them tucked to the side. Once again, Ren tosses his hair to get it out of his face instead of moving it with his hand like a normal person. Hanging from his neck are a pair of dog tags on a thin metal chain. This pair doesn’t belong to Ren; instead, they are Hux’s old pair when he was a Colonel. After Hux was promoted to General, he no longer needed the old pair and so gave them to Ren to wear. Ren almost cried when Hux gave them to him, three years ago. 

 

With his neck exposed, the carnage is even more visible. Across Ren’s throat is bruising, in mottled reds and purples. It looks as though Hux restrained himself a bit more here because there are no teeth marks; there is only discoloration. 

 

Ren tilts his head back further, knowing that he has Hux’s eyes on his neck. It’s an arrogant move by Ren, but Hux doesn’t take the bait. Instead, Hux stands up from the bed, avoiding the pile of the shattered datapad, and stretches his arms overhead. His shoulders crack with the movement, and Hux sighs deeply. Then, he looks to the bedside table for his comm, but only Ren’s lightsaber rests there. 

 

Strange. Hux usually takes his comm out of his uniform tunic and puts it on the bedside table before he sleeps. But then, Hux remembers the circumstances of arriving in his bedroom and asks, in a confused voice, “Ren, where is my comm?” 

 

Hux can hear Ren shifting around on the bed. His voice is low and scratchy when he answers back, “Um, I have it.” Ren clears his throat noisily. 

 

Hux walks over to where he flung his undershorts the night before. As he is slipping them on, he asks Ren, “Could you get it for me, please?”

 

Ren gets out of bed much too fast for his body to handle. With a groan, he sways on his feet, but pushes through the pain in his thighs to stumble over to a pile of black robes. Ren rummages through them, and after some time, he produces Hux’s comm. Its screen is dark when he throws it to Hux. 

 

Hux catches it in both hands and immediately switches it on. The very first message blinking at him is bolded. Hux reads the statement. Immediately, he feels something drop from his chest down into his stomach. The feeling is so profound that even Ren feels traces of it, and he turns to look at Hux with his head cocked to the side. 

 

“Hux? What’s wrong?”

 

‘What isn’t wrong’ would be the better question, but for now, the answer to Ren’s query is displayed in bold on Hux’s comm screen: **COMM RESTORED, ADMIRALS @0700**. 

 

0700\. Hux turns to look at the chrono on the wall. It gives Hux an ominous answer: 0640. 

 

Shit. Hux turns away from the wall and looks down at himself, barely clothed, and at Ren, who isn’t even clothed at all. Fucking shit. Hux’s voice is dazed when he says, “I need to meet the admirals. In twenty minutes.” 

 

Ren looks at the chrono and winces. In a quiet voice, he says, “Nineteen, actually.” He points at the chrono. “It just changed to forty-one.” 

 

Hux finally bursts into action, with Ren immediately stepping out of his way. His comm is immediately tossed onto the bedside table. Hux starts mentally calculating. He has nineteen minutes. He doesn’t have time for a shower or even a sanisteam, but that’s fine. The admirals will only see him, not smell him. As Hux is rushing about his room to get dressed, he continues the calculations in his head. Six minutes to get dressed, ten minutes to get to the admirals; that leaves three minutes for unforeseen consequences. 

 

Like stepping with booted feet on the shattered datapad. That reminds Hux that he has to somehow obtain a new one so that he can actually _present_ the reports he has written to the admirals. 

 

That reminds Hux of yet _another_ thing. He never wrote the reports on the hyperdrive-engine malfunction or on Starkiller’s destruction, the whole reason he had to contact the admiralty for rescue in the first place. Now, Hux is really cursing himself for not letting Rhodona write either report. 

 

He’ll just have to wing it. Hux has made do with less. 

 

At least Hux can solve the problem of the datapad. He grabs his comm off the bedside table and says into it, “Hux to Mitaka.” After a burst of static, Hux hears Mitaka start to answer, but before he can get a word out, Hux interrupts him with, “Bring a datapad to the hologram room. It needs to be now.” 

 

Mitaka’s voice is thin when he says, “Sir, I have the bridge…” 

 

“Send somebody else then!” Hux almost yells into the comm. He gets a shaking affirmative back, but Hux knows he will get his datapad if it’s the only good thing that will happen to him today. 

 

If anyone gets more efficient when yelled at, it’s Mitaka. 

 

Hux now has his entire uniform on and only needs his coat and hat. If he is meeting with the admirals, he cannot afford to be ill-uniformed. They already want to criticize him; Hux doesn’t want to give them anything else to work with. 

 

Ren, being actually helpful, brings Hux’s coat and hat to him. He had slipped his leggings back on as Hux raced about the room. As Hux is throwing the coat over his shoulders, he realizes that he never sent it in for repairs. The gash from Ren’s lightsaber still remains on the shoulder of the overcoat. 

 

Hux ignores that. The admirals won’t be able to see something as mundane as a torn overcoat. He swipes his hat from Ren’s grasp and combs his fingers through his hair into some semblance of order. Then, Hux puts his hat on his head, making sure it covers up most of his unruly hair. 

 

While checking his appearance in the reflective wall surface, Hux calls out, “Ren, time?”

 

Ren answers, “You have eleven minutes.” 

 

Perfect. Hux slides an errant piece of hair under his cap and immediately turns to walk out the door. Before the doors can slide shut behind him, Hux shouts out, “Don’t destroy my ship!” 

 

As the doors slide closed, Hux can barely hear Ren’s amused answer. “Be nice to the admirals!” Then, the doors hiss shut and Hux rushes in a controlled manner to the hologram room.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

See this? _This_ is why Hux hates the Admiralty so much. 

 

Hux has been standing here at parade rest, datapad clutched in a hand behind him, since 0655. After he ripped the datapad out of a quivering first lieutenant’s hands, Hux immediately rushed into the hologram room, hoping that the admirals had not decided to start early. They had not, which Hux was thankful for, until 0710 passed and he realized that instead of being early or even on time, the admirals were going to be late. 

 

Typical. 

 

Hux feels rather stupid standing in this darkened room. There is really nothing for him to do; he could quickly jot down some notes about the hyperdrive-engine failure or about Starkiller, but Hux knows that constantly referencing a screen is worse than speaking from his memory. Hux will just have to send the report in later. 

 

As time passes, Hux finds himself first counting forwards and then backwards to ten in Imperial Standard, then in Slang Imperial, then in every language he has encountered while living in both the Unknown and Outer Rim territories. Hux’s voice slurs into ever-changing accents, all with some melodic element to them. 

 

While Hux is trying to pronounce Huttese, a very guttural language, the hologram tech in the room begins to hum. This is when Hux knows that, at approximately 0727 ship standard time, the admirals have decided to grace Hux with their presence. 

 

Unlike what Hux is expecting, the admirals don’t shimmer into display one at a time. Instead, the hologram opens to display an entire table, with all five admirals sitting on one side facing their projector. Hux can only hope that what they see is not disappointing to them as he sharply salutes them. 

 

One of the admirals, one Hux has never meet but knows as Admiral Friggard, is the first to speak. “Apologies, General Hux, for our tardiness. Our meeting with the First Order’s main monetary contributors ran a bit longer than expected, due to unforeseen additions to the agenda. At ease."

 

Admiral Friggard is not making a very good first impression on Hux. They all know about the “unforeseen additions” that Hux inadvertently contributed to. The traitor Stormtrooper. The loss of not one, but two prisoners. The loss of the entire Starkiller Base. 

 

Perhaps they want Hux to be quivering in his boots or begging them for forgiveness on his knees, but Hux won’t do that. At this moment, all Hux can feel is a vague irritation. 

 

Hux lowers his hand and replaces it behind his back. “Of course, Admiral. I understand.” Hux would not have risen as quickly as he did if he had not learned how to kiss arse. He thinks he’s rather good at it. “Thank you for responding to my declaration of emergency so promptly. I fear this situation may require a rescue.” 

 

Admiral Katis, one of the most reckless people Hux has ever met, swipes his hand across his face, effectively cutting Hux off. “Of course, Hux, but we need to know: what happened with Starkiller?” 

 

Hux clears his throat, buying himself time so that he won’t sound ill-prepared. “Of course, Admiral. Starkiller had many design flaws concurrent with both Death Stars. For example, the thermal oscillator, constructed in place of a strong magnetic field, was a particular weak point. If one was able to access its conduit and destroy it, then the planet’s core would completely destabilize.” 

 

Another admiral chimes in then, one Hux knows better than the rest. This is Admiral Asteris, the youngest of the admirals and therefore the most tolerable. “Wasn’t there a shield preventing anything from reaching the surface? How did the Resistance X-Wings manage to shimmy through that?”

 

Hux cannot even answer that question. Starkiller’s shielding protected it from any ship entering outside of light-speed. But it’s impossible to jump out of hyper-space while within a planet’s magnetic field. The effects of leaving hyper-space combined with the effects of a magnetic field would atomize the ship, send it to who knows where. 

 

Hux knows exactly _who_ disabled the shielding, but he can’t begin to reason _how_. 

 

Admiral Yvetta, thankfully, jumps in to answer the question. Hux often forgets that she has actual piloting experience. “Asteris, however it happened, something disabled the Starkiller’s shielding.” She turns back to Hux and the hologram shimmers once. “We have intelligence that the thermal oscillator was destabilized internally. Can you confirm that, Hux?” 

 

Hux, unfortunately, can confirm. “Yes, a collection of Resistance members somehow made it to the surface, disabled the shielding and detonated charges in the room housing the thermal oscillator conduit. After that, an X-Wing fighter was able to reach the conduit through a revealed access tunnel and destroy it.” 

 

“Which destroyed the base?”

 

Hux straightens and tilts his chin up. “Yes. Which destroyed the base.” 

 

The final admiral, who has an arm on the table and his head propped on his fist, sniffs at that statement. Hux turns to stare him down with an expression as polite as he can summon at the moment. “Yes, Admiral Addarus?” 

 

Hux has never like Addarus. Addarus has never liked Hux. Hux usually finds that their relationship works quite well when not speaking to one another, but when they are forced to…

 

“And you managed to break your ship, along with your base.” 

 

Hux clenches his teeth together. He takes a deep breath before exhaling quietly through his nose. When he speaks, his voice is deceptively soft. “Unfortunately, Starkiller Base degenerated into a neutron star. My chief engineer and I believe that this was due to removing the planet’s inner core and replacing it with a star’s composition, a move which weakened the planet’s magnetic field significantly.” Hux cannot resist adding, as he stares Addarus down, “This move was determined long before my time as General, _sir_. It was one decided by the admiralty itself, if I do recall.” 

 

Addarus’ face flushes a deep red. “Why, you feral _bastard_ —”

 

“Now, let’s not point fingers,” Katis interrupts. “Hux, you said it was a neutron star?” 

 

Hux pushes down his anger, deep into his stomach. “Yes, sir. Sans supernova.”

 

Katis turns to Yvetta with a questioning expression. Yvetta then fills in the Admiralty on what Hux already knows about the effects of neutron stars on ion engines. 

 

Katis whistles under his breath. “Well. Aren’t you right fucked, Hux?”

 

That is quite an accurate assessment, if an informal one. “It appears so, Admiral. That is why I sent out the emergency message.” 

 

Friggard chimes back in then. “What is your proposal for rescue, then?” 

 

Hux details his plans to them, referencing his datapad often. He mentions the _Finalizer’s_ orbit around IM-8973 and gives the galactic coordinates to the planet’s home system. Hux then details how many personnel and ships are aboard. “Unfortunately, given that TIE engines are ion-driven as well, our weapons potential is very low. Therefore, I think it imperative that rescue occur soon. Every second we wait here is an invitation for the Resistance to destroy us.” 

 

Addarus is the one to coldly respond to Hux’s plan. He scoffs, “And you decide what is or isn’t imperative for us to address.”

 

Hux knows that this man is only trying to goad him, trying to make him look bad in front of the other admirals, but Hux responds anyway. “No, sir, I do not believe that I am in charge of what the Admiralty should or should not find imperative. What I _am_ in charge of is the safety of my ship, and when that safety is being threatened, then it is _my_ responsibility to fix it. Sir.” 

 

Asteris is trying to sink in his seat and hide from view. This is likely the first time he has seen or heard Hux and Addarus attempt to verbally flay each other. If Hux was him, he would be hiding too. 

 

Yvetta interrupts the stare-down between Hux and Addarus with, “Watch your tone, Hux. We haven’t agreed to your proposal just yet.” 

 

Hux tears his eyes away from Addarus’. He sniffs once and says, “Apologies, Admiral. Will you require more time to consider my proposal?”

 

Yvetta looks around at her fellow admirals. Most of them nod at her, but Addarus remains looking at Hux as though he is something dangerous. Hux wants to curl his lip at him, show him his teeth.

 

“Most likely, Hux. But we have one more question for you.”

 

Hux wants to sigh in relief, but only nods his head. “Of course.” 

 

Oddly, it is not Yvetta who speaks, but Asteris, the most recently promoted Admiral. He stares at Hux as if he is trying to read into his soul. “Hux, have you had any contact with the Supreme Leader?”

 

What a strange question. But now that Hux thinks about it, no. He has not received any contact from Supreme Leader Snoke, even before the ship dropped from hyper-space. Snoke has only once spoken to Ren, and according to Ren, that had gone rather poorly. 

 

Hux’s voice is pondering when he says, “No, Admiral Asteris, I have not had any contact with the Supreme Leader. Not since he ordered me to obtain Kylo Ren. Did he try to reach me while the ship communications were down?”

 

Katis shakes his head at Hux, looking at him with a strange expression on his face. “No, no messages, Hux. We were just curious; still, you might want to check back with Communications to see if any messages were lost once the ship dropped.” 

 

Addarus’ expression has suddenly changed. Instead of looking at Hux with disdain clouding his face, there is now a faint quirk to his lips. His voice is light, unaffected by any negative emotion, when he says, “We’ll get back to you about your proposal soon, Hux.” He huffs a laugh to himself. “Until then, keep your ship from crashing into the planet.” 

 

Yvetta gives Hux a warning look, and so Hux only responds with, “Of course, sir.” When no one else contributes to the conversation, Hux asks, “May I be dismissed, Admirals?” 

 

Katis is still giving Hux a strange look when he says, “Dismissed, Hux. Thank you for your time.” Katis then swipes his hand, cutting off their holoprojector. The hologram shimmers away into darkness, leaving Hux standing alone in the expansive room. 

 

It is strange existing in silence as oppressive as this. Hux thinks that he has been here before, sometime in the past. He can recognize the darkness and silence for being alien, for being different than any he has experienced before, but he can’t remember _why_ he recognizes it. 

 

But Hux only turns away from the room and goes down the walkway towards the exit. His coat flutters behind him, rustling against his tunic in the motion. Strangely, Hux finds himself comforted by this sound as he heads out the sliding doors and back to his post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness but we are getting plot-heavy now! Still, I made room for some science in the beginning 
> 
>  
> 
> \- Surviving in a vacuum is possible, for a time, if you are sufficiently protected. Outer space is a cozy -455 degrees Fahrenheit (that's like 3 K, very close to absolute zero) and so is quite frigid. But in a controlled vacuum, like one created on Earth in an airtight chamber, vacuums are lethal because of their extremely low air pressure 
> 
>  
> 
> \- Extremely low air pressure means that when you breathe in, that air will expand in your lungs and tear them. Water will also bubble in your veins and inhibit blood flow, meaning circulation stops after about a minute
> 
>  
> 
> \- But you'll be unconscious before then! Hypoxia (lack of oxygen to the brain) will knock you unconscious after about fifteen seconds. Without oxygen to your brain, you will start to feel light-headed and will lose much of your rationalizing skills. This is why the first thing that happens in a commercial cabin depressurization is the oxygen masks dropping down; it's why pilots are first instructed to put their oxygen masks on before trying to troubleshoot the problem- we don't want the pilots passing out! 
> 
>  
> 
> \- At the end of Hux's dream sequence-vision thing, he witnesses something called the Big Crunch. This is a proposal for the end of the universe, where galactic expansion reverses and everything condenses back into a singularity to then explode outward once more in another Big Bang. It's an interesting explanation about how our universe was formed, but it doesn't explain the universe before that ad infinitum, does it not? 
> 
>  
> 
> I really, _really_ hope to get the fourth chapter out by next Friday, but I don't know if I'll have wifi then! But I'll make sure to keep y'all posted, regardless.


	4. Fugitivus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Ren receive their message, after a multitude of hints and visions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! The chapter is finally here! Whoop whoop! 
> 
>  
> 
> First off, thank you to everyone for your patience! I hope it's well-rewarded by this absolute monster of a chapter (12,000 words holy hell!!); I literally wrote all of this on my phone in the car, so kudos to my thumbs! 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is chock full of Force shenanigans, First Order military politics and strategy, Hux and Kylo backstory, some actual real world military technology and the liftoff of a beautiful ship :D 
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>  
> 
> I don't think there are any warnings for this chapter except for excessive length (haha) so I guess all that's left to say is that I hope you enjoy this chapter!

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

"They're numbers."

 

This is the first thing Ren has said to Hux in three days, due to the fact that Ren had sequestered himself away in his meditation room with that ghastly mask of his grandfather's. When Hux had tried and let himself in, to give Ren food or water or even just human contact, he had received the mental equivalent of a door sliding shut in his face. 

 

Hux had left Ren alone, after that. 

 

But Hux is not about to sit down and twiddle his thumbs. Though the _Finalizer_ may be in orbit, she still has a multitude of problems to be dealt with. Rhodona has already reported that the remaining weapons have been accounted for, thanks to Ren's leadership. The TIE's are all nonfunctional, but Hux had expected that. What Hux hadn't expected was for Ren's shuttle to work. The _Upsilon_ -class shuttle does not possess an ion engine; instead, it uses dark matter. Hux will have analyze the engines later. 

 

For now, as he stands around a table on the secondary bridge of his ship, Hux looks up at Ren through the holographic display of the _Finalizer_. The parts of the ship that were damaged in the drop are highlighted in red. 

 

There is quite a lot of red. 

 

Hux hears Mitaka shakily inhale beside him and sighs. To Ren he says, "Can you clarify, Lord Ren?" It is not odd that Ren sputters nonsense, but after three days of solitude, Hux deserves something better than that. 

 

Ren's mask continues to stare at Hux until Ren deeply inhales, his shoulders rising with the motion. "The visions. They're numbers." His fists clench. Hux can hear the leather creaking in protest. 

 

Hux has no idea what visions Ren is referring to. Still, as with all of Ren's thoughts, they have to be heard. Hux clears his throat and addresses Mitaka, whose eyes have not left Ren's mask, "Keep addressing the problems with the ship." 

 

After Mitaka's affirmative, which was directed to Ren rather than to Hux, Hux turns to Ren with a raised eyebrow. Ren takes the hint and turns around to go off the secondary bridge. Hux follows behind him for a short time before Ren sharply turns right and grabs Hux's hand. Before Hux can rip it away from him, Ren takes off Hux's glove and slams his thumb onto the scanner. With a beep, the door slides open and Ren shoves Hux in, the door sliding shut behind them. 

 

Hux stands there in the dark, outraged, until Ren says, "Lights fifty percent." The lights come on, and they are standing so close together that Hux's nose is almost touching Ren's mask. Ren leans his head forward the remaining distance to bump Hux's nose with his mask. "Hux," he rumbles with affection.

 

Hux sighs again. He doesn't have time for Ren right now. "Did you lie about those 'visions' to get me off the bridge?" 

 

Ren leans his head back, affronted. He silently stares at Hux through his mask, but Hux can still detect the offense on Ren's expression. 

 

Hux reaches up to pet Ren's mask in an apologetic motion with his ungloved hand. "I'm not talking to your mask. I'm talking to you or I'm leaving." He curves his hand on the rough edges of the mask. The metal is warm to the touch.

 

As Hux is pulling his hand away, Ren unlatches the mechanisms on his helmet and pulls it off his head. He drops it onto the floor with a thunk and shakes his hair out. Ren then raises his head and looks at Hux with a feverish expression. His breath is absolutely foul as he exhales onto Hux's face. 

 

Hux scrunches his nose. "When was the last time you bathed?" He reaches up to grab at a greasy tendril of hair hanging lank against Ren's face. The hair is flattened on Ren's scalp, where the helmet pressed it down. It isn't very flattering.

 

Ren jerks his head away from Hux's touch. "That doesn't matter." He pauses and somehow gets even closer, so that Hux can see each individual eyelash. "I've figured out what the visions mean," he whispers, as if he's sharing a great secret with Hux. 

 

Hux isn't following, at all. Ren has never spoken about visions before. "I don't know what you're referring to. Has Leader Snoke contacted you again?" 

 

Ren nods his head almost maniacally. "In a way, yes, but also no." His thumb is stroking over Hux's glove almost methodically in his hand as he speaks. "The visions; they're not the future or a place. They're numbers."

 

Hux is exasperated. He crosses his arms in front of him, hitting Ren's chest in the process. "What are these visions, Ren?"

 

Ren backs away and scrunches his face rather unintelligently, but his eyebrows quickly shoot up. "Oh, that's right. You don't remember." He grabs Hux's waist with his hand not holding the glove and taps his fingers rhythmically. Hux can barely feel it though the padding of his uniform. "I told you in the engine room. After you snarled at me." Ren tosses his hair back again and looks over Hux's head to the wall behind him.

 

Hux clenches his teeth. He can feel his jaw groaning as he glares up at Ren. He doesn't have time for this. "Ren," Hux says in a bite. 

 

Ren doesn't even look away from the ceiling when he hums back. His fingers are still tapping on Hux's side. Hux repeats himself, louder this time. Ren reacts to the sound by blinking twice and looking down at Hux, almost like he forgot Hux was here with him in this tiny maintenance closet.

 

"Oh. The visions. They're numbers."

 

"I _know_ that, Ren. _How_ are they numbers?"

 

Ren nods his head. "The numbers are in moments, you see. In an engine. In a time. There was a group of people, all facing each other. Stuff like that." His voice rushes with every word he speaks, and Hux can barely understand the words as Ren's deep voice slides together. "There were others too, but those stuck out to me." Ren drops the glove and grabs Hux's face with his free hand. The one on Hux's waist clinches into the fabric. "It was because they're numbers, Hux." Ren nods his head and nods Hux's with him. 

 

Even with this forced assent, Hux can barely understand Ren. Hux yanks his head out of Ren's grasp, so that Ren's hand floats in midair in between them. To get Ren anywhere in this discussion, Hux will have to direct him to the answer he seeks. "What were the numbers?" Once he figures out the numbers, Hux can move on to the next part of the problem. Ren is being quite the barrier, unfortunately. 

 

Finally, Ren indulges Hux. With his free hand, he traces a figure onto Hux's forehead. In a voice trying to be profound, Ren whispers, "Eight." He draws another figure onto Hux, disturbing the hair from its proper place. "Three." He removes his hand from Hux's forehead and looks at Hux, his eyes shining with pride. The hand on Hux's side strokes up and down the fabric of his tunic. 

 

Hux isn't impressed. "Is that it?" 

 

Ren's face falls into a scowl, and he snatches his hand from Hux's waist as though it burned. "'Is that it?' Hux, that's everything! That's three days of meditation!" 

 

So Ren had not left the Force chamber at all. Hux wonders how Ren managed to quarantine himself like that. He hopes he didn't resort to pissing in the corner of the room. 

 

Hux is still curious though. The numbers mean nothing to him, of course, but they could mean something to Ren. "Yes, three days of meditation. Very admirable, Ren, but I need to know if you saw anything else. Anything besides those numbers." 

 

Ren looks to the side again, his brows furrowed and his hands clenching repeatedly into themselves. Then, he snaps his head up to stare at Hux with wide eyes. " _You_. You were there. In the council room, in their words. In _everyone's_ words." His voice is hushed, like speaking about Hux's presence is something to be savored. 

 

Hux uncrosses his arms at that, still feeling rather displeased. "Don't you think that's wishful thinking? I haven't been with you as often as I was before Starkiller; maybe you're projecting." It wouldn't be the first time.

 

Ren shakes his head at that, but not in offense. "No, that's not it." Ren grabs Hux's hand and slides his thumb over the top, over and over again. "It wasn't just you in the pictures. You were ...there, too, as a sound." With his other hand, Ren slides his hand over Hux's shoulder. "It sounded like this, like your coat going over your tunic. It rustled in the distance, where I couldn't see it." Both hands tighten on Hux. "But it was there." 

 

Hux hopes that these visions aren't just Ren's hallucinations, created so that he will have a purpose as they are marooned away from the Order and Snoke. 

 

Hux reaches up to gently pry Ren's hands away from his body. He brings them to rest, curled up, against his chest and looks down at them. "These numbers...these visions..." Hux looks up, to see Ren staring intently at their hands. "Is this a message from Snoke?" The admiralty had mentioned this in Hux's meeting with them. Perhaps this is what they were referring to.

 

The response from Ren is overpowering. Hux can feel Ren's joy and pride surging from the Force into his own head. Ren's face may be struggling to maintain its composure, but his eyes don't lie. They tell Hux that Ren has been waiting for this mission, waiting for his Master to acknowledge him once more. Ren has purpose now, lost since Starkiller. Hux finds himself strengthening at the sight. 

 

"It's what my Master wants, Hux. In my meeting with him, he said I had failed him. He said I was to wait, to not come to him, until there was a sign that he would need me once more. This is the sign. For me." He brings up one of Hux's hands, the ungloved one, to kiss it. "And for you." 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

With a grunt, Ren slices through the last of the practice dummies and stumbles to the side, off-balance in his movement. As he rights himself, Ren growls lowly at the floor. 

 

Hux sits on a bench to the side, his tunic and gloves off and a bowl of noodles in one hand and chopsticks in the other. As he swirls the noodles around, savoring their aroma, Ren yells, "Why is this so _hard_?" 

 

Hux shrugs at that. "You were injured at Starkiller," he says to his bowl of noodles. Hux lifts a pinch to his mouth and slurps it rather loudly. He can feel Ren's irritation at the sound from all the way across the room. 

 

"That can't be it. I felt fine when we fucked." Ren swings his lightsaber in front of himself, switching from left to right randomly. The three-pronged saber crackles dangerously in front of him. 

 

Hux scoffs into his bowl. "It's not like you did much." He glances at Ren with a sly smirk. "You did just lay there." 

 

Ren scowls at Hux, but the effect is lost considering Ren's hair is in probably the messiest bun Hux has ever seen. Tendrils of hair frame his red and heaving face. Even with the lightsaber spinning beside him, Hux can't help but not feel intimidated. 

 

After that aggressive display, Ren prepares to go through the pattern once more. As he falls into the motions of this particular lightsaber style, Hux admires not the footwork, but rather the one doing the footwork. Clothed in only a tank top and leggings, Ren is a sight to behold, even as he stumbles through maneuver after maneuver. 

 

After one particular stumble that almost resorts in Ren dropping his lit saber, Ren bellows, in a voice that echoes through the room, " _Fuck_!" 

 

After the echo dies down and Ren is left in the center of the room huffing, Hux says, addressed to his bowl of noodles, "Come sit with me, Ren." He spins the noodles around once more with the chopsticks. They still steam up to heat Hux's face in warm gusts of air. 

 

Ren doesn't answer verbally, but still walks over to Hux with his lightsaber in his hand. Before he sits down on the bench, he turns the weapon off with a hiss. When Ren hits the bench hard, it shudders under his weight. The lightsaber hilt drops down beside him with a dull thunk, in between him and Hux.

 

Now Hux looks up at Ren, who is sitting with his legs spread and his elbows resting on his knees. Ren's head is bowed as he pants deeply, his sweat-drenched back rising and falling with each breath. 

 

Hux brings his legs onto the bench to cross them underneath himself and turns to face Ren. He nudges Ren with a foot. "Do you want any noodles?" 

 

Ren inhales deeply and sighs in his exhale. "No, Hux, I don't want any noodles," Ren says to the floor. "I ate when I woke up." 

 

Hux slurps another batch of noodles and Ren's shoulders tighten at the sound. "How long did you sleep?" he asks with his mouth full. Hux scoffs a laugh into his bowl and swallows the noodles. "By what I saw in that maintenance closet, you needed a couple hours." 

 

Ren finally lifts his head to glare, once again ineffectively, at Hux. "Don't you have to be on the bridge?" he asks in a snide tone. 

 

"Technically, I'm on my lunch break." 

 

"You never take a lunch break. You always just devour your food on the bridge. Why change your pattern now?" 

 

Hux looks back at him, still cradling the bowl in his hand. His face is as flat as it can be. "You showed me what I was like in the engine room. I can't be that person, so I'm delegating. Like I should have." Hux tilts his head back with a scoff. "I can't afford a breakdown like that again. Especially since the admirals could holocomm at any moment." 

 

"Oh, yeah," Ren mutters, suddenly guilty. He scooches back to lean against the wall, his legs still spread. With one hand, he pushes his hair back from his face and looks at Hux. "How'd that meeting go?" Ren asks in a tone that implies that the meeting did not go very well. 

 

Hux can confirm that it did not go very well. "It was like any other meeting with your superior officers," Hux muses as he lifts a batch of noodles into the air. "You tell them how you fucked up this time and then they tell you that you did, indeed, spectacularly fuck up." Hux twists his wrist to make the noodles spin and flick broth everywhere. "Then, you click your heels and say 'thank you, sir' and the admiralty tells you to kindly fuck off back to your position and not fuck up again." Hux drops the noodles back into the bowl with a wet plop. "So no," Hux says to Ren. "The meeting did not go very well." 

 

Ren only stares at Hux with his bottom lip bit between his teeth. Perhaps Hux is being a bit dramatic, but he is allowed to be, considering all that he has done to save what was left of the Starkiller project and the thanks that he has received for it.

 

Then, Hux remembers something that happened in the meeting. Something positive, which is a rarity. "But in good news, Ren, I've graduated from a 'rabid bitch' to a 'feral bastard'. I'm rather proud of myself." 

 

That gets a laugh from Ren. He knows exactly whom Hux is talking about. "Do you even know why Addarus still hates you so much?" 

 

Hux squints his eyes in confusion. "Have I seriously never told you?" He must have told Ren sometime before in their combined pasts. 

 

"I only know that you and his son fought. On the Star Destroyer you were both on." Ren huffs a laugh. "If that was the case for us, I would hate you tenfold." 

 

Hux rolls his eyes. Ren doesn't know the complete picture with just his rudimentary knowledge. If Hux held a grudge against any person in the Order who had fought him, he would have hated the entire Star Destroyer he fled on. 

 

This a long story, and Hux does not want his noodles to get cold. With a long slurp from the bowl, Hux swallows all the remaining noodles and broth, until nothing remains but the residue. Hux uses his pointer finger to wipe if off the bowl and licks it delicately. 

 

With that done, Hux sets the bowl to the side and turns to Ren, who looks as though he's trying not to combust. His face has somehow become even redder, even though he has been sitting down for some time now. 

 

Hux clears his throat against the salty, rough residue from the noodles. "You are aware that Addarus was promoted for his work in planet-based assault?" 

 

Ren shakes his head. "I don't really know anything about that. My training was elsewhere." 

 

That's true. Ren has only been permanently stationed onboard the _Finalizer_ for about five years. Not counting a brief ferry when Hux was but a lieutenant and Ren a gangly, awkward adolescent. 

 

Hux continues, giving more detail than he would have at first. "Before Starkiller, planet-based assaults were the norm. And even before we had any planets, ships would jump off from Star Destroyer hangars. Once the Order had enough planets, though, we switched to planet-to-planet assaults." 

 

"Why would you do that?" 

 

"To preserve the Destroyers. To keep them structurally maintained for missions at further distances from any Order planet. It was also a lot more efficient to keep the ships stationary when possible." Hux pauses to hope that Ren isn't completely ignorant. "You do know the Order began in the Unknown Regions?" 

 

Ren gives Hux an insulted look.

 

Hux continues. "We took control of planets there and slowly hopped from planet to planet, establishing complete control as we went, until we had a network reaching almost beyond the buffer zone." Hux tilts his head in thought. "That took about, what, fifteen years? I was twenty-three when the Starkiller Project was established." Hux can't say when the Order began settling planets, but the project never became truly successful until Hux was about fourteen.

 

Ren is following along rather nicely, nodding his head at the important parts. Hux doesn't think Ren notices that he has picked up his lightsaber and is twirling the hilt in his hand. 

 

As technical co-commander of the _Finalizer_ , Ren does possess intuition. "Addarus didn't like the switch." 

 

Hux shakes his head with a laugh. "That's quite the understatement. He absolutely fucking hated it." To demonstrate what he is about to say, Hux flips over his noodle bowl and grabs a chopstick. He points at the bowl. "So. This is a planet the Order wishes to conquer. What do you need?" 

 

Ren lifts his legs to sit cross-legged, like Hux. "Ships. People to fly those ships." 

 

Hux nods his head at that. "Yes, but for that you need credits, to build those ships. You need resources, like food or weapons, to feed and arm your soldiers. You need people to be soldiers; in this case, we needed Stormtroopers." Hux looks up at Ren. "That's what my father was for." 

 

"He employed the Stormtrooper program. The one you continue to use." 

 

Hux has not always been in charge of the Stormtrooper program, but that fact can be saved for later in the discussion. "Yes, I do use the same formula, as it has worked in the past, but that's not relevant." He taps the bowl again. "So now you have the credits. You have the resources and the soldiers. You're just about ready to release the ships and the Stormtroopers." Hux pauses and looks up at Ren, eyes bright. "Except there's one problem."

 

"What?" The lightsaber is still in Ren's grasp. Ren's eyes are focused on Hux rather than the bowl meant to be a planet.

 

Hux quirks his lips almost unnoticeably. "The planets fight back." 

 

Ren's tone is confused. "Don't they see that they'll lose? That their weapons are no match for yours?" 

 

These are all questions Hux had asked his officers in the Academy, his voice mighty with the supposed intelligence of his queries. How quickly Hux was shot down. 

 

"One of the first things I learned at the Academy, Ren, is that people, regardless of their abysmal conditions or circumstances, will always fight those who try to change it. We had come to provide order, but they could not see it. They were blinded by what the Republic called freedom, even as they starved in their streets. They could not see a Republic that flourished in their deprivation." They could not see that, even as they dropped bloody in the streets. 

 

Ren leans closer to the bowl. He puts a hand over it, obscuring it from view. "There were too many casualties in those assaults." 

 

"Yes. It was too expensive to break through the Republic's deceit by going planet to planet. That is when Starkiller was envisioned; its purpose was to end the Republic's hold on both the Outer and Inner Rim territories." Hux lifts Ren's hand off the bowl and sets it down on the bench. He takes the lightsaber from Ren's hand and sets it down so that the saber output is facing the bowl. "Now, the Order did take inspiration from the Death Star, but we tried to correct its mistakes. You noticed we had a shield mechanism?" 

 

"It didn't exactly work, though." 

 

Hux knows it should have worked perfectly, considering he was part of the design team himself. He tries to mask his offense, so that he can continue to distract Ren from his own frustrations. "It did fail, but I have yet to discern why. Sometimes, a machine fails, and you will never know why. Perhaps that is the case." Hopefully not, but Hux will accept it as a random chaotic act if need be.

 

"Even if the failure is random, which in my case it was not, the admirals will still try and put it on you. Don't you see that?"

 

"I recognize that, Ren." Oh, yes, Hux is aware of his potentially perilous situation. "But I also know the admiralty has already created a committee to analyze why Starkiller failed. I also know that the committee will give the exact same reason for the collapse as I did: the removal of the planet's inner core and the use of a thermal oscillator that once destroyed would destabilize the entire planet." Hux takes a deep breath, winded after his speech. "When I assumed command of Starkiller, the removal of the inner core was already complete." If anyone needs to fear for their position in the Order, it's the admiralty. 

 

Ren segues into another topic. "In your speech, when you read it to me, you said its purpose was to bring 'an end to the Senate', not to break through their lies." 

 

Hux raises an eyebrow. "Isn't that what we did? I may not have access to statistics, but I can bet that even as our ship is marooned here, planets are surrendering to the Order as we speak, one after the other." 

 

"But Starkiller was destroyed. They have no reason to be afraid of their own destruction."

 

Hux leans in closer and puts a hand over the bowl. "But don't they? Their protector is gone. The buffer zone will fail, and the Order will extend into the Outer Rim even more and beyond." Hux smiles toothily at Ren, who only stares back as if in a trance. "The Resistance can't do anything else. Their credits from the Republic are gone. Their resources, sent by the Republic, are gone. Fewer people will volunteer for a guerrilla war against an Imperial power." Hux bites at his lip. "In war, that combination is a death sentence." 

 

"What does this have to do with Addarus?" Ren asks in an impatient tone.

 

Hux had completely forgotten about Addarus. It has been awhile since he has discussed strategy, even recreationally, due to the need for his engineering skills onboard. "Addarus gained political prominence through planet-hopping. Even after Snoke appeared to us, with the Force but more importantly credits, the Order has relied on monetary support from ex-Imperials in both the Inner and Outer Rim. Success in your particular field means you're noticed. When you're noticed, you're promoted." Hux sets the chopstick down next to its pair and hunches over himself, his elbows resting on his knees. "As you rise in rank, your merit is worth less compared to your political connections." Hux smirks. "Addarus made connections. I broke them apart." 

 

"How?"

 

Hux leans off his knees and ticks each item off on his fingers. "I assumed command of Starkiller, hereby making his command of planet-hopping null and void. I received the command of the Stormtrooper program, right after his son's death." Hux knows he's missing a third reason, but he can't think of it. 

 

Before Hux can voice it, Ren interrupts. "His son died strangely." Ren then narrows his eyes in intense concentration, obviously attempting to read Hux's thoughts with the Force. For once, Hux is not bothered. He has remembered what Ren is trying to seek. 

 

Hux raises one eyebrow at Ren. "He did, you know. It was right outside this ship, too." 

 

Ren opens his eyes fully. "He suspects you." 

 

Hux shrugs one shoulder and says, right to Ren's face, "They said it was an explosive decompression. It was due to a too narrow bolt in a too wide panel hole, a difference of microscopic proportions. An engineer onboard must have mistaken the bolt size, maybe eyed the width rather than manually checked it." Hux tilts his mouth into a small smirk. "Or perhaps someone didn't organize the bolts properly. Perhaps two boxes got switched when the hangar was empty, in the middle of the night cycle, when no one was around." Hux leans back on his hands. "But that's just a rumor, of course." 

 

Ren leans closer to Hux, his eyes wide. "You killed him." 

 

"Technically, the explosive decompression did. And to get even more technical, the bolt is the killer. Or maybe the technician fixing the bastard's shuttle is the killer." Hux smiles. "But yes, I did." 

 

"Why?" Ren reverently asks. 

 

There is only ever one reason. "To rise in rank. To make and break connections. To get the trooper program back." Hux lowers his voice to a whisper. "It ensured my promotion to Major, you know." 

 

Ren's voice becomes hushed, admiring. "This is how you became General. By tearing down another and rising above in his place." 

 

Hux won't deny that it worked quite well. Like any machine, the Order is made of many parts that can be removed and changed, if only one sees the whole. Hux grabs Ren's hand and pulls him towards him as he leans back against the bench's central column. Ren moves with him, avoiding the bowl and chopsticks on the bench, to straddle his lap. As Ren fidgets to get comfortable, one of Hux's hand undoes Ren's bun to let his hair cascade downwards. Hux grabs at Ren's hip gently. 

 

"He has many reasons to destroy you." Ren pauses, and Hux twirls his hair around his finger. The blackness is so stark against Hux's pale finger. "Don't you think, in this moment of uncertainty, he will try?"

 

Hux scoffs. "He can't. Addarus has no power over me anymore, even as an admiral." He should have never held power in the Order, but he did. Now, thanks to Starkiller, he does not. There is no need for a planet-based assault if every planet will surrender, regardless if Starkiller exists or not.

 

"I still have a strange feeling, Hux," Ren says with his head down, his face furrowed in deep thought. 

 

Hux lifts his other hand to cup Ren's cheek and bring Ren's face to him. Ren's eyes flit about on Hux's face. "I know that my position is unsteady right now. I know that Addarus will try and ruin me. But the admirals have no power over me, even though they are my superiors." Hux swipes a thumb over Ren's lips. Ren flicks his eyes away from Hux again. "They have no power because they have never held Snoke's favor, like you and I have, and will not act out against him. They have received no visits." Hux taps his pointer finger on Ren's temple. "No visions. No guidance." These visions Ren speaks of are just another form of communication; this is the next part of Ren's training, and it includes Hux as well. 

 

Ren's eyes center on Hux's. "This is why we'll succeed," Ren says, almost as if it were a question. His large hands wrap around Hux's neck and rest there, his thumbs rubbing over the bump of his throat. His head lowers to rest against Hux's forehead hotly. 

 

Hux leans up to breathe against Ren's lips. "This is why we will rise," he whispers before kissing him.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

If Hux ever has the privilege to design a next-generation Star Destroyer, he will move the location of the secondary bridge so that it is not wedged below one of the numerous Stormtrooper training facilities onboard. The _Finalizer_ may be marooned, but Phasma has not shirked her duty in keeping the Stormtroopers busy in drills and simulations. Hux admires her for this, but he does not enjoy the repetitive pounding of feet directly above him. Sometimes he imagines dirt falling from the ceiling with every pass of a Stormtrooper formation, to collect on the shoulders of his bridge crew. 

 

Hux brushes his shoulder off, not finding any dirt, but still conscious of the uniform regardless. In front of him, the viewport shows the molten surface of IM-8973 as the secondary bridge faces the side of the ship rather than the front. The reasons behind its location are for maximum protection from outside attack, as its use is intended to be when the exposed primary bridge is destroyed. 

 

Hux can't help but feel stifled, even with a viewport directly in front of him. In accordance with the secondary bridge's design, its single viewport is also quite small. As Hux stands in front of it, staring out at the winding rivers of lava on the planet they orbit, he thinks about what Ren had told him earlier, in that maintenance closet. 

 

Eight. Three. A strange combination of numbers, as they have little to do with each other. One is even, the other odd. One is prime, the other is not. Three has connotations of stability and strength. Eight...Hux does not know. Maybe the number eight is meaningful in the Force. 

 

Ren has continued to meditate on these numbers and tells Hux that he can feel the next number, right on the edge of his perception. He says that Snoke is testing him with this one, making it more difficult after he deciphered the first two numbers so quickly. This is what Ren said to Hux before returning to his Force chamber to consult his grandfather. 

 

Maybe there is a pattern that has not yet revealed itself. Eight and three are meaningless on their own, but if paired with this third number, then their purpose will present itself to Hux and Ren. 

 

Hux has never had any sensitivity to the Force. He tolerates Ren's worship of it, and after seeing it in action the first time, Hux knows that it is true. No one may know what enables a Force sensitive person to manipulate the universe around them, but they have proven that they can. Hux can't deny what he sees and what he feels. To follow the will of the Force is completely different, however. Ren had followed it in his pursuit of Luke Skywalker, and it had only destabilized Ren more. 

 

With this new task at hand, Hux hopes that Ren's energies will be directed in a productive way rather than towards his crew or ship. Or himself, if Hux thinks about it. 

 

A beeping from his comm pulls Hux out of his musings. Hux pulls the comm out and attempts to read the message, but the entire screen only emits a dull red light. 

 

Hux tilts the screen into his tunic, so that the light is blocked. This is most likely not a drill. A red light to a commanding officer denotes a serious message from the admiralty, usually an urgent emergency. Hux needs to get back to his quarters and listen to the message, so that he can summon his senior officers and debrief them. 

 

The message is most likely the evacuation plans for the _Finalizer_ once another Star Destroyer arrives. It is likely she will have to be towed back to port, broken as she is, and her assets will have to be transferred to the rescue Star Destroyer, a highly complicated process that involves the coordination of all onboard departments. 

 

Hux looks up from his comm. The viewport still displays a world on fire, its surface burnt by the intense heat of its formation. He will leave this planet soon, to continue its slow and arduous growth into a planet suitable for colonizing. Hux will never see that moment, but it will come. 

 

"Ourela, you have the bridge."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

Hux slides his comm back into his pocket and turns away from the viewport. He walks hurriedly, but controlled, out the bridge, weaving around the hologram table as he does so. His walk to his quarters is uninterrupted by any officer requesting his signature or opinion on some matter or another, and Hux can only be grateful for that. 

 

Hux arrives at his quarters and keys his code into the keypad. The door slides open, and Hux hurries into the room. 

 

For some odd reason, the lights are on. Hux looks around in confusion, thinking that the red alert meant that there would be a person in his quarters to meet, but there is no one in the receiving room he stands in. Hux ducks into his bedroom, looks around and sees the source of the light. 

 

"Ren, why are you in here?" 

 

Ren's eyes are closed as he sits cross-legged on Hux's bed. He holds Hux's overcoat to his face, as if he's trying to press the fabric into his mind. "I'm meditating," he says muffled into the coat.

 

Hux rolls his eyes. Ren is co-commander; he can technically hear this communication. "Fine, but do it quietly. The admiralty has contacted me on red alert, and I need to listen to this." 

 

Ren doesn't respond, already deep into his meditation once more. His ungloved fingers dig into the fabric of Hux's coat. 

 

Hux walks around his bed to the bedside table and completely takes out the drawer. He sets the compartment, full of random hair ties and lube, onto his bed. Now, the wall behind the drawer is exposed. Nestled in a hole is a red comm connected to the wall by a red wire. This is old technology, as it relies on the radar capabilities of the ship, but it can survive a beating. Even one as severe as a forced drop from hyperspace. 

 

Hux sticks his hand into the narrow space of the drawer and pulls out the comm. He sits on his bed, in front of Ren, and pulls the comm towards him, releasing more of the red wire to drape over his lap. Ren is still deep in the meditation as Hux switches the comm on and holds it up to his ear. 

 

Hux's eyes widen. This is not what he was expecting, and he is not at all prepared to receive this message. With the comm still held to his ear, Hux reaches behind him to slap at some part of Ren. 

 

Ren grunts. "Hux, what do you want?" he asks irritably. 

 

Hux's voice is hurried, his tone slipping into an old pattern. "Get me paper and pencil. Now." 

 

Ren grabs Hux's hand and huffs a breath onto his palm. Apparently, Hux had been slapping his face. "What are you talking about?" 

 

"This message will repeat. I need those materials." Hux turns to look at Ren, who is still just sitting on Hux's bed blankly. " _Now_ , Ren, I need to translate this!" 

 

Ren nods his head and pushes Hux's coat off his body. He stumbles over to the cabinet on the wall and indiscriminately grabs a piece of paper and pencil, rare items for Hux to have in his possession. Hux has always preferred paper when he translates, and when he became General, it became a habit. 

 

Ren doesn't have the foresight to grab a data pad to write on, so Hux presses the comm into his ear with his shoulder and turns to face the bedside table. Ren slides the items onto the table and Hux grabs the pencil. To Ren he says, "I need quiet."

 

Ren nods, already obeying Hux's command. Hux turns back to the comm message, which is just about to repeat. 

 

The comm beeps loudly in a single tone, signifying that the message is going to repeat. With a deep breath, Hux prepares himself to do a task he has not done in years. 

 

The beeps are quicker than Hux remembers, but he keeps up with the hurried sounds. Hux writes thinly into the paper, so that he can save time as the message continues to speed along. The familiar scratching of the lead on paper takes Hux into a headspace he hasn't been in for a while. This reminds him of combat simulations, and Hux can feel his heart beating faster, his breathing increasing. 

 

Finally, the message concludes with a long beep, and Hux sets the comm down. When he looks down at the paper, what he has written seems unintelligible. 

 

Ren peers down at Hux's paper. "Your handwriting is terrible." He looks closer. "Even with spaces between the words, that message makes no sense." 

 

Hux squints his eyes in confusion. "No, that's right. That's what I definitely heard." Perhaps Hux is not as proficient as he used to be. "Let me listen again," he says as he lifts the comm to his ear. 

 

After the long beep, Hux listens to the message, tapping his pencil at every correct letter he translated from the code. Every letter is correct. Hux puts down the comm when it beeps again. 

 

Hux stares down at the paper with the random letters. "I don't understand. This is a direct message; it shouldn't be garbled like this." Even with his knowledge of secondary codes, this message means nothing to Hux.

 

Ren picks up the comm. "Let me try." He holds it to his ear and waits. 

 

"Are you even certified in Imperial code?" Hux asks skeptically. 

 

"I have experience," Ren says shortly. His brows furrow as he listens. Like Hux, he looks at the paper and checks the letters. Hux thinks that this skill is part of what Ren had before Snoke, before the Order.

 

The long beep sounds again and Ren sets down the comm. "It was too fast for me to get everything, but your beginning is right." Ren gives the comm back to Hux. 

 

Hux takes the comm and frowns at it. He looks back at the paper and frowns at that too. If the Order is using a new code system, Hux has never heard of it. All official communications are in Imperial code. He translated the slashes and dashes in accordance with that code. 

 

Hux's eyes widen as he thinks of what he had been assuming. Official communications. Is this really an official statement? Maybe someone else is trying to contact Hux, give him a message, in a way only he and few others in high command can understand. Perhaps this is the message from Snoke the Admiralty was referring to. Perhaps the Admiralty is only passing on a message.

 

Hux flips the paper over and holds the comm between his ear and shoulder once more. He picks up the pencil and says to Ren, "I'm going to try another code. One only I can understand." Hux glances up at Ren. "This might be the message we've been waiting for." 

 

Ren nods. Hux holds up a hand for quiet and listens for the long beep. Then, he writes the message on the paper once more, this time following a code known only to those who grew up as exiles onboard their Star Destroyers. Those who were exposed to so many different languages that they all blurred together into one. 

 

It is easy to slip back into this language, even after years of never speaking in it. Hux writes the translated words as quickly as he had with Imperial Standard. When the long beep sounds, Hux sets the comm on the bed and looks at the paper, where he has written this obscure translation. 

 

What he reads surprises Hux. Then, his heart falls into his stomach. He has not expected this. 

 

Ren turns the paper towards him and scans it. "What does this even mean?" He looks closer at one rather strange mark. "Is this even a word?"

 

Hux pulls the paper away from Ren and holds it in front of him. The shapes he has written are more staccato than the curving Imperial Standard, an odd characteristic considering the spoken language itself is quite lyrical. "This is right. But I don't want it to be." Hux traces a finger underneath each word as he tells Ren what the message says. 

 

"Its organization is similar to Imperial Standard, so its punctuations are about the same. This first part says 'Do not trust those who are the wind under your wings. They will whip the sky and let you fall.' The second part, starting here, says 'Return to the place where you first flew, to shelter from the roaring wind.'" Hux moves to the last part of the message. "This symbol is the coordinates of the planet. This symbol denotes urgency, as if it didn't convey that in the first place." 

 

Ren stares blankly at the paper. "What the fuck does that even mean?" He traces one of the symbols, the one meaning wind. It is one of the first symbols Hux learned, even if it described propellant rather than aerodynamics. As children, they hadn't understood the vacuum of space, hadn't understood the lack of atmosphere off planet. To those who were born on planet and could remember the wind, that is what carried them away into the Unknown Regions. 

 

"It's a code, Ren. A code within a code within another code." Hux scoffs in disbelief. "Whoever this is, whoever got a hold of the emergency comm system, is telling me to flee, in a language only I and select others can understand."

 

"Flee from what?" 

 

"From 'the wind under my wings'. From those who support me, allegedly, though that number is few." 

 

As Hux continues to think about who or what the wind refers to, Ren asks another question, one Hux had been trying to avoid. "Where is 'the place you first flew'? Is that a metaphor for something?" 

 

Hux shakes his head, accepting the fact that he will have to tell Ren about this part of his past. Hux has never shared it before, not with Ren or anyone else onboard. "When I exited the Academy, I was meant to enter command immediately, with my primary order being the maintaining of the Stormtrooper program." Hux clenches his fists, crinkling the paper in his hands. "But before I could graduate, my father died. Some say it was murder, some say it was natural. I personally don't care either way. Regardless, I didn't get the program. You know who did." Hux stands up to pace, putting the paper on the bedside table before falling into his steps. Ren turns to face him, his eyes following Hux's movements intensely. "So, at the age of nineteen, I was stationed on a planet on the literal edge of the Outer Rim as a flight engineer." Hux pauses and scoffs. "Can you imagine that? I was top of my class, and I was stuck servicing ships held together by sheer hope!" Hux leans against the wall, next to the door to the fresher. He crosses his arms. "I left when I was twenty-three. That's when I arrived on the _Finalizer_." 

 

"I thought you were always on the _Finalizer_. You were when I first met you," Ren says in a confused tone. 

 

"Yes, and I was twenty-three when you first met me." Hux pauses, trying to remember. "I asked you your age before we fucked. You were nineteen." 

 

"I didn't really ask questions, Hux. I just did what you said." 

 

Hux glowers at Ren from the wall. "We're getting off-topic. We need to focus on how we move on from here." 

 

"It's obvious. We go to the coordinates." 

 

Hux snorts and says, in a fake jovial tone, "Yes, Ren, let's just dick off to the Outer Rim. It can be our very own honeymoon." Hux returns to his familiar frown. "Be serious." 

 

"I am being serious. What do the coordinates say?" 

 

Hux pushes himself off the wall with a sigh and grabs the paper before walking over to Ren. He points to the a symbol, a particularly strange looking one. "This right here, these coordinates, they're in Slang, something we never used for the base. These are coordinates not many Order members can understand, especially those that are older. The first number denotes quadrant; this one says eight. The second number denotes sub-quadrant; that's--what?" Hux says to Ren suddenly grabbing his arm in a squeezing hold. 

 

Ren is staring at him, his eyes boring holes into Hux's head. His breathing has suddenly increased. "The next number. Is it three?" 

 

Hux looks down at the paper and reads the next coordinate. He gasps audibly. "Yes." He looks up at Ren, in disbelief. "It is a three." 

 

"What are the rest?" Ren asks in a whisper.

 

"Another three. Then a four, then a one. Is that the complete set?" Hux asks in a hushed tone. 

 

Ren, disappointedly, shakes his head. "No, the next number is definitely not three. But the first two; they're right." Ren barks a joyful laugh. "These numbers I have felt...they're coordinates!"

 

"Coordinates to what?"

 

"To my Master. That's where the visions have been taking me, closer and closer to the Supreme Leader."

 

"How do you know that?"

 

"Because of these visions! They aren't through my Master, but they feel similar. They _speak_ to me in the same way, as extensions of touch and sound, but not sight." Ren starts pacing around Hux's room, stepping over his mask and gloves as he does so. "This is a test, Hux. What were my Master's last orders to you?"

 

Hux can recall them perfectly along with the curdling fear growing in his stomach. "'Come to me with Kylo Ren'." Hux sets the paper back on the bedside table. He can picture the moment perfectly, the hologram chamber crumbling around him as his Starkiller implodes and his lover lays defeated in the snow. Hux has the same feeling right now, the feeling that the world under his feet is about to drop from underneath him. "But what about the message? It's trying to warn me about something." 

 

"It's telling you to go, like I am. Like my Master is ordering you to." 

 

Hux bows his head in thought. To receive an emergency message from the red alert system only superior officers can access is rare enough, rarer even considering the message in in Slang. Whoever sent this message does not want any older officers hearing it; specifically, they do not want the admiralty to know that Hux is leaving, given that the person was using their channel. Why?

 

Hux inhales in sudden realization. Then, his eyes narrow.

 

So this is how they react to the end of the Republic, the birth of a new First Order, one that planets surrender to without a fight.

 

That son of a bitch fucking did it. 

 

"The admirals will betray me." 

 

"What?"

 

Hux turns to his closet and yanks it open. He slides his uniform hangers aside with a metallic screech to access a back panel. He hits it twice with a closed fist, and the panel silently pops open. 

 

"Hux, what are you talking about?"

 

"We need to go. Now." Hux grabs a box and slides it out. The material is encrusted with dirt, and it floats down to settle on the pristine floor of Hux's quarters. Hux holds the dull handle in one hand, the metal squealing at its sudden movement after so many years. 

 

Hux is interrupted with a hand on his shoulder. Ren. "Hux, stop. Tell me what's happening."

 

Hux swallows the anger climbing up his throat. He doesn't turn to face Ren and instead faces the wall of his closet. "It seems as though the admirals are rebelling against Snoke. They are coming for me soon, and I need to get the hell off this ship before they do." 

 

Ren strokes his lightsaber hanging on his side. "I'd like to see them try," he growls menacingly.

 

"Much as I appreciate the support, Ren, you were the one who wanted to leave. Now, thanks to my wanted status, we'll have to do it quickly and quietly." Hux tosses the suitcase on his bed, dirtying it with a dense coating of dry dirt. "You need to pack and meet me outside the _Upsilon_ hangar in thirty minutes." Hux huffs a laugh. "We're going to have to steal from my own ship." 

 

Ren nods and presses a kiss to Hux's temple, his hands squeezing possessively at Hux's hips before he grabs his mask and gloves, pulls his cowl above his head and hurries out the door into the hallway. The door slides shut behind him, and Hux is only left with a dirty, old suitcase. 

 

This suitcase is what Hux brought to the _Finalizer_ after he was transferred. He has yet to ever open it and confesses that he has never had the desire to do so. Hux pops the metal buckles with a dulled click and the suitcase top pops up slightly, obviously unable to contain whatever Hux stuffed in here. With a deep breath for courage, Hux opens the top and immediately sees a full bottle of cheap whisky. 

 

"That's classic,” Hux says with a small grin. He grabs the neck of the bottle and moves it to the bed. He'll definitely pack that; he'll need it. 

 

Below the whisky is a hurried packing of miscellaneous tools and clothes. Hux spots two knives in crude sheathes, one significantly smaller than its pair and takes them out. The smaller of the two is more worn-down; in Hux's hand, it feels unnaturally small, but this knife saw many fights. Its stained handle shows the truth. The larger is no less deadly, but was used mostly for threats. The smaller one was saved for more dire situations. Hux sets both knives to be packed along with his alcohol; he needs to have some weapons besides a blaster, even ones as rudimentary as these. 

 

Hux sorts through the clothing next, all unnecessary considering Hux has his own civvies he can wear, if he needs to be incognito. However, when Hux shakes out a rather grimy looking jumpsuit, something metallic falls out to clink against the bottom of the suitcase. 

 

"Oh." Hux throws the clothing in his hand to the side, where it slides off the bed and onto the floor in a heap. Then, almost hesitantly, he reaches into the suitcase to grab the item he had dropped. The small balls press into his fingertips as he delicately lifts the dog tags to rest in his other palm. 

 

The dog tag facing Hux reads, in a worn down lettering: HUX, LIEUTENANT. His blood type and history of innoculations follow. Beside the name 'Hux' something has been aggressively scratched out, almost as if in a rage. Hux had forgotten that his first name was on this pair of dog tags; ever since, he has had it removed. 

 

The other dog tag, its supposed matching pair, is even more rundown. Hux doesn't flip over the chain to read the words of this other tag, doesn't think he even can, but traces the letters with his fingers reverently, with so little pressure that he can barely feel each dull imprint of a letter. 

 

This is a name Hux doesn't need to look at. He will always know it, even if he locks it away for more than a decade, even as far away from that base as he is.

 

"I told you I would never come back," Hux says to the dog tags held gently in his palm. He bites his lip to contain the sudden pressure building behind his eyes. Hux closes his palm against the dog tags, pushing them to stab into his skin, and inhales a shaking breath. He focuses on the pain, pushing down the emotions bubbling up his throat. After a few seconds, Hux opens his eyes and exhales quietly. He blinks a couple times and puts on the other dog tags, to rest underneath his tunic and click against his existing pair. 

 

Hux fills the now empty suitcase with whatever he may need while on route or on base. He puts the translated message in first, to keep it safe from discovery. Hux throws in his civvies, colored in a nondescript tan and black along with a pair of short boots. Hux grabs his customized blaster, along with its holster, and puts it into the suitcase as well. Then, Hux goes back to his closet and slides open a panel he carved out of the side to retrieve a box of nonperishable food, which he sets into the suitcase in between his clothing. Hux throws in numerous other items at random, including lube almost instinctively, and finishes by setting the two knives and the whiskey on top of everything. Hux closes the top with effort and clicks it shut.

 

As he stands there, alone in this quarters, Hux has the sudden thought of how he will keep up with the _Finalizer_ , once the admirals come. The coded message confirms that they are coming, and if they already are, then Hux has to hope that they'll rescue the crew. Still, Hux needs to keep his crew posted, even as he flees from them. 

 

First, Hux retrieves his data pad and reschedules bridge shift duties, delegating the next couple of cycles to some of his senior crew. It will still be suspicious as to where he is, but if he were not to appear on the bridge on time, this secret escape would be for naught. Hopefully, his captains and corporals will only think he's catching up on reports in his quarters and not suspect otherwise. 

 

After Hux sets the data pad down, he contemplates who he should be in communications with. Hux thinks of Rhodona immediately. She is very intelligent, high in command and has already proven herself capable of keeping secrets. 

 

But as immediately as Hux thinks of her name he thinks of reasons why he can't. Hux has mentioned Rhodona, by her title of chief engineer, to the admiralty before. The same is true for any member of his senior crew. Even if Hux had never mentioned them by name, the admirals will know of their connection with their general. They will be questioned. Hux doesn't think any member of his senior crew would survive that for him, regardless of their loyalty towards him. 

 

What Hux needs to do is employ someone who is so unnoticeable that they could be comming Hux in the middle of the hallway, in front of the admirals, and they would just walk on by, not even deigning to acknowledge the officer talking to a fugitive. Someone the admirals will look at and see right through to the walls. 

 

Hux knows exactly who to employ. He opens his comm and says, his finger holding the officer's frequency, "Mitaka, meet me in my quarters immediately." 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

Hux manages to make it to Hangar 6, where the _Upsilon_ is grounded, to meet Ren without anyone asking about the strange bulk in his coat. To transport the suitcase, Hux had to wedge it between his arm and side and drape his greatcoat over his shoulders. His hat is on his head, if only because Hux didn't want to leave it behind. 

 

"What took you so long?" Ren hisses. He's clad in his mask once more, the cowl pulled over his head. Over his shoulder is a sack of what Hux hopes is something lighter than what Ren is wearing now. Hux's old base is almost furiously hot, even with light clothes. 

 

"I had to take care of something." Hux turns to the door and raises his hand to the keypad. He pauses, his hand hovering over the keys, and turns to Ren. "If we see anyone, you need to convince them that no one is here and no ship is taking off." 

 

"I understand." 

 

"Good. Let's go." Hux keys in the code and the doors slide open silently to reveal a blackened room. There are numerous TIE's grounded on the floor of the hangar, their black wings reflecting the light from outside distractingly. Hux pulls Ren into the room and the door slides shut behind them, plunging them into near darkness. 

 

Hux tries to take a step forward, but Ren holds him back. "Wait. Your eyes need to adjust." 

 

Hux nods his head before remembering that Ren can't see him. Ren gets the message regardless, as he grabs Hux's shoulder and squeezes. 

 

They stand there a couple minutes more, the only sounds being their breathing. Hux thinks it sounds overly loud in the silence of the hangar and tries to muffle it. Ren does not and exhales heavily through his mask. 

 

When Hux can see the edges of each individual ship, he steps forward. Ren follows like a shadow behind him, gliding across the floor almost silently. The TIE fighters stand ominously around them. 

 

Somehow, they reach the grounded _Upsilon_ shuttle. Its wings lay flush against the cockpit and tower above Hux and Ren like great mountains. Unfortunately, the entrance hatch is up and there is no other way in besides those stairs. 

 

Ren throws down his sack. He walks up to the ship and traces his hands over the panel. "Every ship has a sweet spot," Ren croons as he traces his hands around a certain panel, his thumb catching on the panel divisions. Ren centers on a panel close to the lowering mechanism. "You just have to find it." Ren then hits the panel with a closed fist, causing an echo to reverberate against the wings of the numerous TIE's grounded here. The ramp does not drop, even after that momentous sound. 

 

Hux pinches his nose. "Ren, you _idiot_ ," he says quietly, to make up for the reverberating bang Ren just created. 

 

"That usually works!" 

 

Hux's voice drops to a poisonous hiss. "You can't just _punch_ our shuttle; it's not a fucking smuggler ship!"

 

"I didn't _punch_ the ship."

 

Hux is just about to open his mouth to tell Ren to stop being an inane child when a beam of light shines onto the two of them and a voice says, "Stop! Turn around with your hands up and state your name and rank!" 

 

Hux swallows the expletive that almost erupts from his throat. With one hand, he lowers the suitcase to the floor, so that it is set gently on the floor of the hangar. Then, Hux raises his arms and turns to face a surprised Petty Officer Thannison, who is holding a flashlight pointed straight at Hux. Thannison directs the light beam towards the ground as soon as he recognizes his general. 

 

Thannison hasn't apparently seen Ren, who had ducked away to lurk near the left wing. "What are you doing here, sir?" he asks in a confused tone. 

 

"I was only inspecting the _Upsilon_ , Thannison. It was reported to me that the dark matter engine was the only one working properly. I wished to see it for myself," Hux says, to distract Thannison from seeing Ren in the darkness beyond them. 

 

"Oh," Thannison says as he looks behind Hux at the _Upsilon_. "Well, you didn't have to hit it, sir. The outside release panel is a button right next to the right wing." 

 

Hux knows this and would have prevented this meeting if Ren hadn't been so rash. For now, as he feels Ren approach behind him, he tells Thannison, "I will consider that the next time I inspect this ship." 

 

Thannison isn't looking at him though; he's looking right behind him, where Ren has emerged from the shadows to loom over Hux. Hux does not flinch, even as Thannison whimpers lowly. 

 

Ren raises his hand. "You will open the hangar and let us exit. You will close the hangar and return to your quarters. You will forget all that has happened here tonight."

 

Thannison only stares up at Ren, now both confused and terrified. Ren growls and repeats the phrase, his hand tensing in its clawed position. 

 

On the second, more forceful time Ren uses the mind trick, Thannison repeats the phrase in a monotone and walks towards the flight control center in this hangar, his flashlight pointed right in front of him. Hux turns to Ren, surprised. "I had completely forgotten about the hangar shields,” Hux says incredulously. 

 

"Maybe that's why I punched the ship. To bring him to us."

 

Hux rolls his eyes as he walks around Ren and presses the release button. With a hiss, the ramp drops down and lights up, revealing what will take them into the transport shuttle. Hux grabs his suitcase, Ren his sack. "If that's what you say, Ren," Hux says as he walks up the ramp, Ren close behind. 

 

The _Upsilon_ -class shuttle is the newest design to be used in the First Order. Its primary designation is a transport ship, usually flanked by a couple of TIE's for protection. In the Order, they are known for being the transports for the Knights of Ren. This _Upsilon_ is assigned to Kylo Ren; still, it requires clearance from the _Finalizer_ to take off. Hux cannot obtain that clearance and still stay incognito. 

 

Ren and Hux enter the passenger compartment of the shuttle. Hux presses the button to raise the ramp with a hiss. After this, they walk directly to the cockpit of the shuttle, past the passenger compartment containing individual quarters. Hux and Ren drop their luggage, including Hux's overcoat and hat, in one of the many jump seats and continue on towards the cockpit door, which Hux opens and closes with a click. The cockpit is a two-person system, meant to be piloted by one person with a copilot handling communications. Often, the actual person piloting goes back and forth, so that each pilot gains experience. As such, both seats have a yoke. 

 

"I'll pilot," Ren says before he takes off his helmet. "I know how to pilot my own shuttle." Ren drops the helmet in a mesh bag to the side and sits in the pilot's seat. He pulls the seatbelt over his shoulders and clicks himself in. 

 

Hux slides into the copilot's seat and clicks himself in too. He has never piloted an _Upsilon_ , considering how new it is, but its controls look familiar to him. "Alright. Let's make the pre-flight quick." Hux turns to the wall to grab the flight manual, standard in all Order ships. 

 

"No. The ship passed its pre-flight earlier; it hasn't been touched since."

 

Hux turns to Ren, who is fiddling with the take-off controls in front of him, with an incredulous look. "You can't just take off in a ship this complicated," Hux hisses. "Do you know how many systems we need to check?"

 

Ren reaches for the throttle and grabs the four levers with one hand. "Yeah. One." Ren pushes the levers forward and with a roar, the four dark matter engines ignite and push the ship up to hover above the TIE's below them. Immediately, the wings extend to catch any aerodynamic lift. 

 

The cockpit suddenly comes alive with multiple alarms, all clambering in Hux's head to be noticed first. The first is the ground proximity alert, which Hux switches off. He knows they’re close to the ground. The second is cabin pressurization, which Hux clicks to maximum capabilities. The third is the horizontal propellants, which are receiving no power and are blaring out in a multi toned screech. Hux has to reach across Ren, who has both hands on the yoke and is struggling to keep the ship level, to access the propeller systems switch. Hux snaps the rotary switch into the upright position, so that both the vertical and horizontal propellants receive equal power. After Hux does this, the _Upsilon_ lurches forward toward the hangar doors, which have now been opened thanks to Thannison. 

 

Hux is still dealing with every alarm that is screaming in the cockpit when Ren says, in a yell over the din, "See? We're flying!" 

 

Hux doesn't deign to respond to that. He only glares at Ren shortly before turning back to his side of the controls. He needs to turn off the radar pinger, so that no one will track them beyond the _Finalizer_. Unfortunately, where the pinger should be, there are only the mechanisms for hydraulic fluid transfer. 

 

The ship is just about to cross the threshold into the vacuum when Hux asks, "Where's the pinger for this ship?" 

 

Ren has his eyes firmly on the viewpoint as he navigates the _Upsilon_ above so many grounded TIE's. "The what?"

 

"Its radar signature! Where's the switch to turn it off?" Hux looks to the ceiling, trying to find something recognizable. 

 

Ren glances back at Hux with an irate expression. "I don't know, Hux, I just know how to fly this thing." 

 

"Well, I need to switch it off or the entire universe will know where we're going!" Hux looks away from the ceiling to the sides of the cockpit, where even more levers are stuck in various up and down positions. "Just keep flying. I'll handle this."

 

Ren nods. His eyes narrow as he directs the ship between the hangar exit walls. The _Upsilon_ , with its wings extended, is the longest ship carried onboard Star Destroyers. If Ren is not careful, its wingspan could clip the edges of the hangar exit.

 

Hux holds his breath as Ren crosses the threshold. In front of them is the black expanse of space, littered only with small dots of stars. The molten planet is behind them. 

 

The _Upsilon_ crosses the boundary into the vacuum and the hangar doors silently slide shut. Alarms continue to blare, but they are unimportant at the moment. Hux turns back to find the pinger as Ren accelerates the ship. 

 

Finally, as the _Upsilon_ crosses the sub-space boundary, Hux finds the pinger, nestled between an atmo altimeter and a fire suppression system. Hux flicks it off. Nothing physically happens after Hux turns off the ship's radar signature, but Hux knows that he just ensured that the ship will not be followed. 

 

Hux turns around in his seat to look back at the _Finalizer_ , to get an outside view of her damages or even just her physical appearance, but all he can see is the cockpit door. Before Hux can stand and open the door, to see his ship one last time, Ren says, "Hyperdrive's online." He puts a hand on Hux's shoulder, gently, like Hux is fragile. "We need to go, Hux." 

 

Hux nods and turns around, back to the expanse of space. He checks that he and Ren are strapped in and turns off all the unnecessary alarms blaring in the cockpit. Hux inputs the coordinates to his old base into the autopilot, the numbers coming to him like he had left from there just yesterday. Then, Hux grabs the right side of the large hyperdrive throttle. "Hyperdrive on standby." 

 

Ren grabs the left side of the throttle. His hand presses against Hux's. Ren extends his fingers to brush once over Hux's hand before he counts down, "Hyperdrive in three, two, one..." They push the throttle together, and the ship begins to shake. The stars outside the viewport distort and wobble. Then, with a heave, the ship slides into hyperspace. Hux and Ren are pushed back with the force of it, the force of sliding in between dimensions. 

 

As the ship settles into hyperspace, the force pressing into Hux and Ren alleviates. Soon, it isn't there at all, and they can sit comfortably in their seats. The cockpit is silent now as Hux stares out the viewport and savors the sight of light speed. He hasn't seen it for so long. The sight reminds him of his _Finalizer_ , of how she was before Starkiller. Of how she was when Hux first arrived, over a decade ago, sleek and perfect. Hux had looked up at her and marveled at her stacked design, her commanding presence; now, he is exiled from her, to once again flee to an unknown destination on the edge of the Unknown Regions. This is not Hux's first exile, but he understands it more now than he did before. He was so young the first time that the only thing he felt was confusion. Now, he feels what he felt as he drifted from planet to planet, port to port, on board that decaying Star Destroyer: a paralyzing nothingness. 

 

"Hux?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Why does this engine work and not the TIE's?" 

 

Hux tilts his head in thought. The star streaks captivate him, enticing him with their distance even as he travels between them. He thinks he could exit the ship right now and float among them, drifting in this place within dimensions among those who inhabit it. Hux thinks it wouldn't be like an ordinary vacuum; he could live in it and thrive. 

 

But Hux can't exit this ship. Hux can't leave. He has a mission to complete, for himself and for Ren. So the only thing Hux does, as the stars speed past them, is turn back to Ren and tell him why a dark matter engine continues to work, even as the universe tries to beat it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, they are on their way! Kudos to Ren for finally decoding what the numbers meant :D 
> 
>  
> 
> The research I did for this fic was pretty sparse, as I mostly relied on what I could come up with at 9:00 PM on some highway in Oklahoma. Still, here's some of the stuff I used: 
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>  
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> \- First Order military strategy and its rank organization has some real-world roots! I don't want to spoil them, but they're definitely in there (thank you APUSH, AP World and AP Euro!) 
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> \- When Hux is talking about the death of Addarus' son, he says the explosive decompression was caused by a bolt that was just a hair too thin. This means that once his shuttle pressurized in the vacuum, the bolt and subsequently the panel were hit with a bunch of stress that the improperly sized bolt wouldn't be able to handle. This would eventually (or quickly!) lead to the depressurization of the shuttle (and as we know, people are not meant to survive in a vacuum!).
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> \- The "Red Comm" Hux is listening to also has real world connotations! I based it on the Moscow-Washington hotline, also known as the "Red Telephone", which was first established during the Cold War and is still in use today; its primary use was to be in case of imminent nuclear war, so I thought that this system was dire enough to be in use between senior officers in the First Order 
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>  
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> \- What Hux is listening to is my own Star Wars version of morse code's "dots and dashes" with Imperial code's "slashes and dashes". It enables messages to be sent quickly and, if unwanted listeners are not proficient in it, secretly. Morse is often used in connection with navigation, both in naval travel and aviation. 
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> \- Hux and Ren do improperly take off in their _Upsilon_ shuttle. Pre-flights are necessary for all airplanes, and they require outside inspection of the airplane and certain switches/ etc. to be set in the cockpit. It can take a long ass time, which is why Ren decides to skip it, much to Hux's dismay. 
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> Ok so there is definitely more that I used, but I wanted to keep it short and sweet considering the length of this chapter! 
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> So chapter 5 should be up on Friday, as I have the outline complete and will be able to start it Monday. 
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> Again, thank you all so much for keeping up with this fic! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D


	5. Ryoida Approach, KOR Upsilon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux visits three different desert planets, all that mean something different to him. Ren has suspicions about a past that Hux has never spoken about until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Long time, no see haha :D I'm really glad I got this chapter out on time, as it really kicked my ass. I mean it this time, too! I probably deleted and rewrote half of the scenes in here when I realized my direction was totally off. 
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> Again, thank you to all who read, left kudos and commented on the last chapter! Each one gives me the motivation I need to continue this story that only keeps on growing ~*~ 
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> A note on chapter numbers though: this chapter was meant to be longer, as this part was going to be the first half of one chapter. However, I decided to break it up after the monster of a chapter that I posted on Monday. The second half will be posted next Friday :)
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> I don't think there are any warnings for this chapter, so all I can see is: I hope you enjoy this chapter!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There is somehow sand in Hux's boots, even though they extend tightly up his calves. Each step he takes is accompanied by the crunch of grit as he clambers over sand dune after sand dune. In the distance, he can see a house built low into the ground, surrounded by tall, narrow structures that remind Hux of towering radio antennas he saw on spaceports in the Outer Rim. Above, the heat of two stars beats down on Hux's body. Hux lifts his overcoat over his head a bit more and squints at the house, hoping it’s not a mirage. 

 

_It is not._

 

Hux startles and looks to his left, where he just heard something speak to him. What he instead sees is an ever expanding desert with a shimmering horizon. Hux shakes his head, flinging sweat from his skin, and continues on toward the house, a place that he seeks. His boots sink with every step, letting more sand flow into the boot like an overturned hourglass. 

 

Hux's arms are screaming in exertion when he finally reaches the tan house in the middle of this desert world. Through the sunken in doors, Hux can see an inviting darkness. He knows it would be so cold, so soothing against his skin that has been scalded even through the thick protection of his uniform. But before Hux can stumble to the entryway, he hears a familiar rustling, just to the left of him. 

 

Hux pants as he lethargically turns his head to the left, to see what is causing the rustling he has heard so many times before. 

 

Before? Hux squints at the space next to him, but there is only sand. Footprints are scattered around the site outside the house, one set small and the other one large. The small set winds around the large, as if the wearer had been chasing the larger person as they walked to and from the structures scattered around the house. The horizon shimmers in a hypnotizing dance. 

 

Hux tightens his hands on his overcoat and heaves it upward. It slides on his body in a mimic of the rustling that continues in front of him, heard but not seen. Hux licks his cracked lips and says, in a voice choked with thirst, "Show yourself." 

 

_I cannot._

 

Hux growls lowly under his breath, frustrated. Whatever is here with him, the only thing here with him, is being unnecessarily stubborn. Hux thinks that Ren is in his dreams again, but when he is, Hux can always see him. This isn’t Ren. "Then why are you here?" he growls. 

 

The rustling pauses. The only sound Hux can now hear is the breath that pushes through his lips to heat them even further. His breathing is overly loud in this desert, this place that Hux is standing in with the twin stars scalding him. Before Hux can voice his question once more, he sees movement out of the corner of his eye and flicks his head forward to see someone, with their head ducked down, exit the round structure in front of him. 

 

Hux takes a step back, sinking into the sand once more, to avoid this person, who Hux can now see is a human woman. She has a weathered face, evidence of the life that she has lived here. The gray clothing she wears is threadbare, unadorned and rough except for a decorated belt that circles her middle. She passes directly in front of Hux and does not see him. Her focus is drawn to something beyond, something in the horizon as she continues her walk. Her feet do not sink in the sand like Hux's do. 

 

The rustling begins again. As Hux watches the woman walk off in the searing heat of this desert, the rustling moves so that it's slightly in front of him. Something soft and flexible caresses Hux arm, wrapping around it before it flicks off. Hux flinches and shouts at the sudden touch, flinging his coat off in the process to crumple up in the sand. Hux pants harder as his eyes dart around his surroundings, looking for what just touched him. He cannot see anything, but then, in a voice that echoes outwards and within, says:

 

_Follow._

 

The only person Hux can follow is far away and is blending into the shimmering horizon with every step she takes. Hux takes off after her, sinking and stumbling through the sand as he hurries toward this woman he is supposed to follow. Each step Hux takes requires him to jerk his foot out of the sand in a semi-jaunty high step. Hux's arms are spread out in the air to act as balance, so Hux does not misstep and fall into the sand. His overcoat remains crumbled in the sand by the house. The blackness of the coat contrasts sharply with the sand that composes this environment. 

 

Hux catches up to the woman quickly, as she has paused to check one of the tall structures surrounding the house. She tilts her head up to look at the top of the structure and squints at the binary starlight. So does Hux, with a hand raised to his forehead to shelter his face from the suns. He can't tell what this woman is looking at and looks away, back to the rustling he hears behind him. A trickle of sweat slides down his neck to collect in his high collar. The damp fabric scratches at his throat. 

 

"Who is she?" Hux says to the rustling, in lieu of anyone else to talk to. It seems as though the woman has no idea Hux is standing next to her, so close that Hux can see the immense detailing in her belt. 

 

The rustling stops. Silence envelops this place, save for the constant sound of Hux's panting. A voice reverberates through the cloying air and in Hux’s mind.  


 

 _She is the beginning_.

 

In the distance from where he just walked, Hux hears a high-pitched laughing and the sound of hurried footsteps running towards them. The different sound startles Hux, who is unused to hearing anything but his own vocalizations and the faint rustling that accompanies him. Hux turns away from the woman to see a young human boy stumbling in the sand. His arms and legs are wrapped in the same fabric of the woman's, this time in tan. Hux cannot say how he knows this, but this woman is a mother, the boy her son. As the boy gets closer, Hux can see more of his features. He has sandy hair that hangs close to his eyes which squint in the sunlight. His teeth grow crookedly, and some are missing from their spots. Something is familiar about this boy, but Hux can't pinpoint what. He feels as though he's been here before, on this planet seared by its two suns. 

 

Before the boy can reach his mother, he stumbles to a stop and looks right at Hux with a cocked head, his mouth pinched closed. He squints even further into a familiar expression, one Hux has seen on Ren many times before. But before Hux can comment, can even raise a hand in greeting, the boy's mother says something, silent to Hux but heard by the boy. The boy turns back to Hux to smile broadly at him, showing Hux his gap-tooth smile once more, before running back to his mother, kicking up sand to land on Hux's boots as he scrambles. 

 

Hux hears the rustling beside him once more, like it had never left, and he turns to it. "Is he a beginning?" he asks, with a hand extended to the son, who stares up at the sky with his mother.

 

Whatever is beside Hux does not respond. Instead, the surrounding desert shimmers in front of Hux, as if the horizon has suddenly encroached on the land Hux stands on. The two people in front of Hux, clothed in tans and grays that blend in with the desert sand, shimmer as well. The boy looks around erratically, as if sensing that the worlds is vanishing around him. Hux opens his mouth to say something to this boy, to warn him about something the boy does not know, but before Hux can say anything, the boy turns back to his mother, and the world shimmers away into a different time. 

 

Around Hux, the desert looks the same, but the tall structures are missing. Hux turns around to look for the sunken house, but it too is missing. When Hux tilts his head to the sky, he only sees one sun, one that is rising in the east to illuminate the desert around him. 

 

Hux spins around himself, stumbling through the sand once more. Like before, over in the distance, Hux sees a dark shape emerge from the dunes. Unlike before, Hux does not have his coat to shelter himself from the sunlight. It seems to have vanished with the house and the tall structures. With a deep breath for encouragement, Hux walks to the dark shape, high stepping out of the sand that attempts to pull his body within the dune. 

 

Hux cannot say how long he has been walking towards this dark shape in the distance. He thinks it’s been hours, but it can’t be. The shape has not gotten any larger; it’s as though it’s stagnant in this place, conformed to its only purpose: giving color, albeit a dark one, to this barren, monotone landscape. Hux is panting in the heat again. Sweat trickles into the stiff collar of his uniform once more. Hux can feel his nose burning and deliriously thinks that if Ren were here without his mask, his nose would be bright red. This thought motivates Hux as he awkwardly lifts his foot out of each dune, where sand has once again infiltrated the boots, to trek towards the dark shape in the horizon. Hux does not know why he must go there, but he does regardless. There is something there, waiting to be discovered, like in the sunken house. 

 

When Hux is about halfway from the dark shape in the sand, he can see that it is actually a crashed Star Destroyer sunken halfway into the sand. In front of him are the hyperdrive engine compartments, visible even from this great distance. Hux pauses with his hands on his hips and his head tipped back to pant in the hot desert heat. Soon, over the sound of his panting, Hux can hear the rustling once more. 

 

Hux exhales loudly. "What are you?" He closes his eyes and laughs breathlessly to the blue sky above him. Like Ren, Hux must direct this presence, if he is to get the answers he seeks. "Don't tell me. You're a beginning, too?" 

 

_Perhaps._

 

Hux continues to snicker to himself, somewhat deliriously. He thinks it's due to the heat or the fact that he can't tell if this is a dream or reality. Whatever this is, it needs to stop. "I know this planet." Hux lowers his head and opens his eyes, gritty from the sand in the environment. He throws his arm out to gesture haphazardly at the marooned Star Destroyer in front of him. "This is Jakku." 

 

_A planet, but not a beginning._

 

"Oh, shut up, I know it's the scavenger. I have no fucking clue who the sand people were before, but I doubt that you will tell me." 

 

The presence beside Hux does not respond. The rustling stops, leaving Hux to his breathing once more. In front of him, the Star Destroyer sits in its marooning that occurred all those years ago. 

 

Hux brushes his hair back with a hand, as it has flopped onto his forehead due to the extreme heat. Then, in the same high step, Hux continues on toward the Star Destroyer. The sun continues to rise and cast its light against the desert landscape, marred only by the crashed ship. The sand dunes suddenly escalate, forcing Hux to crawl up them on all fours. His hands and feet slide down into the sand with every step, but Hux is not deterred, even as the sand rushes into the sleeves of his tunic to bite into Hux’s arms. Hux focuses on this slight pain to distract from the pain in his extremities. The sun continues to rise in Hux’s periphery, and he turns his head away from the light, squinting. 

 

Finally, Hux reaches the top of the sand dune. He stands up, albeit shakily, to spin around himself slowly, looking out into the horizon to see some kind of settlement, something like the house he had just left. However, the only structures he sees are more crashed vessels. Even from this distance, Hux can identify what ships crashed here. Towards the rising sun, there is an X-wing, its bright color faded after its life in the desert. On the opposing side, towards the west, there is an Imperial light cruiser, providing a stark black contrast to the surrounding landscape. All around Hux is evidence of a great battle, the last stand of an empire. This is where, twenty-nine years ago, the Battle of Jakku was held. Hux wishes he was older during this battle; perhaps, if so, the battle would have went a different direction. He has always had a gift in ship combat. Much of his life as a junior officer was spent among them. 

 

Hux continues his musings until he sees movement in the distance, next to what he thinks is a downed AT-AT. He had forgotten AT-AT’s were used in Jakku; most of his study had been focused on the ships: their designs, their maneuverability, their weapons. Ground attack has never been Hux’s specialty. There was a reason he became a General over a weapon that attacked from the air, from space. Hux narrows his eyes at the fallen AT-AT, trying to see who he thinks is the scavenger going to and fro. He thinks he can see a smaller structure, perhaps a hovercraft of some kind, beside the AT-AT, but Hux can’t tell at this distance. Whatever the scavenger is doing, it takes time and multiple trips. 

 

As Hux stares down at the scavenger from atop the sand dune, the rustling begins again beside him, this time to his right. Hux sighs loudly, hoping that whatever presence will leave him alone, but he is not given that. Instead, the rustling gets even louder, as if it was amplified as Hux’s voice was during his speech on Starkiller. 

 

“You are showing me beginnings,” Hux says, in a perfectly cordial tone. “Why?” 

 

_This is a day, one day that marks a beginning. Here is where everything changes._

 

“Are you referring to this moment? Because what I see is a scavenger leaving her pilfered house to plunder from an Imperial graveyard.” 

 

_One day that will all be worth it._

 

Hux narrows his eyes at the phrase. Whatever is speaking to him, Ren or his conscience or something else, does not understand the phrase as Hux does. It was never meant to be a message of new beginnings. Instead, to Hux, it is something to be held onto when all is lost, when the last of what can be taken is taken. It is a reminder that revenge and justice will always be in the future, if one only looks to that day and survives. 

 

_You know this phrase well._

 

Hux ignores that statement and turns away from the presence next to him to face the downed AT-AT. Even at this great distance, Hux can see that she has slung a leg over her hovercraft. She starts the machine, and silently, she begins to speed across the desert to where this Star Destroyer has crashed. Hux turns away from her and back to the Star Destroyer behind him. Even as decrepit as she is, Hux can find grace in her design, power in her decaying hold. Numerous ropes hang from her hull, and Hux scowls at them. They mar the image of what a Star Destroyer is, far beyond what the sand and elements have done to her already. 

 

But the presence continues to push at Hux. You have a beginning, as well. A phrase, once whispered to you in the heat of night. 

 

Hux walks to the Star Destroyer and grabs one of the ropes. Even through his gloves, the frayed surface of the rope pricks at Hux’s palms. Hux runs his hands over the surface and pulls once. The rope is sturdy; so is the Destroyer. Nothing will give. 

 

“Those words were only said to me to placate me. They mean nothing to me now.” Hux looks back, to where he hears the rustling. In the distance, the girl is getting closer to the edge of the sand dune. Her speeder kicks up sand as it speeds across the landscape. These dust clouds mar the rolling, sandy landscape. “Surely you have seen what has happened,” Hux mutters, mostly to himself. 

 

_A beginning._

 

Hux scoffs, but does not respond to the presence. Instead, he walks away from the Destroyer to the edge of the sand dune. Below him, the scavenger has stopped her machine and is climbing off of it. She turns to the side of her speeder and yanks out a long staff from the netting on the side of the machine. Then, she throws its strap over her shoulder and turns to the dune, staring up the sloped surface with a hand over her goggle-covered eyes. 

 

On the top of the dune, Hux peers down at her, squinting. The scavenger then adopts a similar pose Hux used and climbs up the dune. Hux is peeved at the fact that she does it much more successfully that he had, but he blames it on her experience and his lack of proper attire. Already, as the sun rises, Hux feels the ever-increasing need to shed his tunic. 

 

The scavenger scrambles up the sand dune quickly. As she clears the top, Hux steps away from her, but she does not see him. Instead, her head is turned to the crashed Destroyer directly in front of her. She quickly approaches the edge of the hyperdrive engine. Curiously, instead of immediately climbing up the rope as Hux thinks, she runs a hand on the dulled black engine. It is as though she is almost petting it. Then, as quickly as she does this, she turns to a rope dangling next to her. The scavenger jumps onto it, and like before, the rope does not give. The girl climbs up it, to disappear into the bowels of the Star Destroyer. 

 

Hux watches her pull herself onto a walkway, one that he has himself sat on in a different ship. One that, he hopes, does not have the same fate as this Destroyer, one that decomposes ever so slowly in this graveyard on a forgotten world. 

 

As Hux falls into this troubling thought, the rustling begins again, this time right next to his ear, as if this presence is trying to whisper something into his ear. Hux leans his head back and hears, in the complete silence of this world: 

 

_One day, it will all be worth it._

 

Hux does not smile at the phrase, like he had once did all those years ago. He does not close his eyes and savor a future that will happen soon, when one day comes. Instead, he stares up at where the scavenger disappeared into the great innards of this Destroyer. The sun in the sky has risen substantially, and the heat licks at Hux’s skin. In the distance, he thinks he can hear the roar of an engine, punching through the searing landscape from the west to rouse him from a shallow sleep. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Hux wakes to Ren mouthing at his neck and sliding one of his hands on his stomach. Every once in a while, Ren’s hand squeezes into Hux’s flesh, but quickly lets go to resume his stroking motion. A lock of Ren’s hair tickles at Hux’s collarbone. Hux brushes it away with an uncoordinated sweeping motion and tucks his hand to his chest once more. It’s childish, but Hux doesn’t want to open his eyes just yet, doesn’t want to confirm the fact that he’s not in his quarters on the _Finalizer_ and is instead in the cramped quarters of Ren’s _Upsilon_ shuttle. 

 

Ren continues his ministrations as Hux, unsuccessfully, tries to avoid this next problem that faces both him and Ren. Hux tries to focus on the attention Ren gives him instead. He tilts his neck into Ren’s rather wet kissing and the drag of his teeth. Unfortunately, a nagging hunger then bites in Hux’s stomach, pulling him out of his efforts and back to the _Upsilon_ and his problems. Hux opens his eyes with a deep sigh, one that Ren takes for pleasure if his increased kissing is to be explained. His hand on Hux’s stomach presses into the flesh, pulling Hux closer to curve into Ren’s body. The pressure on his stomach pushes the hunger to the forefront of his mind, and Hux cannot look beyond it to whatever Ren is doing to his ear at the moment. 

 

“Let me up.” 

 

Ren, predictably, does not let Hux up and instead brushes his nose through Hux’s hair, disturbing it with a faint rustle. His hips press forward, countering his hand which pushes Hux back into him. Hux wants to lean back into Ren’s hold on him and thinks that this would be a perfect distraction from every problem that plagues him right now. However, his stomach continues to clench into itself, further beyond what Ren is already clutching. 

 

Hux repeats himself, this time louder and more confidently. With a final kiss to his neck, Ren pulls away from Hux to stand and walk out the door, shaking his hair as he does so. At the loss of his presence, Hux almost calls him back to bed to continue his attentions. Instead, regretfully, Hux rolls over onto his back to stare at the ceiling of Ren’s quarters aboard the _Upsilon_. It’s lower than Hux’s was on the _Finalizer_ , but the surface is composed of the same crisscrossing panels. Hux taps his fingers on his collarbone in a random pattern, listening to the dull thump his fingers make against the bone. He knows he is procrastinating, but Hux does not want to get up. He does not want to face the fact that at this moment, the admirals could be already onboard his ship and searching for her general. 

 

In the midst of dull drumming, Ren returns through the entryway. In his hands he carries his sack, which Hux had hoped was full of weather-appropriate clothing. With a graceful motion, Ren tucks his leg under himself to sit on the edge of the bed, his other foot pressing into the black floor of the ship. The leggings he wears blend in with the black blanket scrunched at the foot of the bed. Ren sets the sack down gently in front of him and opens it. Hux sits up to see what Ren will reveal as his hand reaches into the sack. When his hand emerges, it holds a green apple, one of the only touches of color in this room. Hux eyes it suspiciously. 

 

“How did you know?”

 

“You were projecting food at me, when I was kissing you.”

 

Hux wants to be embarrassed, but only reaches for the apple Ren holds. He takes it from him and immediately brings it to his mouth, where he takes a crunchy, wet bite out of the fruit. Hux closes his eyes and sighs at the sweet flavor. After he swallows it, savoring the texture as he does so, Hux opens his eyes to look at Ren, who is rummaging in his sack once more for something else. 

 

“What are you looking for?” Hux tries to glance over into the sack, but Ren’s head is blocking his view. The only thing he can see is Ren’s hand moving within it. 

 

“I had another apple, but I think it rolled to the bottom.” 

 

Hux takes another bite out of his apple. He can feel the juices slide down his face like sweat. “Just dump it all out,” Hux says with his mouth full. 

 

Ren looks to Hux with an affronted expression. “I can’t just ‘dump it all out’.” Then, in a mutter to himself, he says, “There’s important stuff in here.” 

 

Hux’s curiosity is piqued. “Like what?” He tries to look into the sack once more, but again Ren’s head is blocking his view. Ren, strangely, also pulls the bag away from Hux, as if he doesn’t want Hux to see what is within it. 

 

Ren rummages in silence for a bit that is only punctuated by Hux’s crunching until Hux, as he is halfway through his apple, says, in a monotone, “You brought the helmet.” At the declaration, Ren looks up with an offended expression. 

 

“I need it for my meditations.” Then, in a grandiose tone, Ren says, “It was he who led me to these coordinates.” 

 

Hux wants to scoff, but resists so that Ren won’t storm out and take his company away. “I didn’t know Vader was sending you these coordinates,” he addresses to his half-eaten apple. 

 

Ren shakes his head in a somber motion. His hair sways slightly with the motion. “No, it wasn’t my grandfather.” Ren’s voice becomes self-pitiful. “I have never heard my grandfather. I still have much to learn about the Dark Side before that.” 

 

Hux has never quite understood the differences between the Light Side and the Dark Side. When he asked Ren about it, some time ago, Ren had said the Light Side was cowardice and callousness. The Light, according to Ren, called for a Force user to cast aside their emotions to fully embrace the Force. In contrast, the Dark Side preached emotions: anger, fear, love and others like it. Ren had said the Light fed on repression; the Dark on expression. Considering Ren’s personality, Hux can see why he is so attuned with the Dark Side and struggles so much with the Light. It isn’t about a lack of control; instead, it is an innate refusal to be caged. 

 

The Force has never been Hux’s forte, so he does not respond to Ren’s rather morose statement. Instead, he tosses his apple core onto the bed and gets up. Though Hux is unaware of his status, he has to assume that he needs to be inconspicuous when he lands at the base. So, before Hux enters the fresher, he takes his civilian clothes out of his suitcase. The dog tags, which he had taken off before undressing for sleep, are wrapped within the tan fabric. His general’s uniform is left folded in the corner of the room, blending in with the black surroundings. After Hux enters the fresher, to no word from Ren, the door slides shut behind him, leaving him alone. 

 

Hux turns to the mirror and looks at himself. Although he puts a lot of care into his appearance, Hux doesn’t usually take the time to just look at his features. The bags under his eyes have been a key feature to Hux for as long as he has had a mirror, and so he looks beyond that, at the stubble growing on his face. Hux runs a face over it; the bristles prick at his palm. A beard would be a good impromptu disguise, as long as Hux is not the only redhead in the entire First Order. A wanted status is not rare here in the Outer Rim, but Hux has never had to hide from the Order, especially in plain sight. Hux’s hand tighten on the clothes in his grasp. 

 

This will have to do, for now. 

 

The clothes in Hux’s hand were specifically chosen to be inconspicuous, and Hux is grateful for that fact. They are a rather nondescript shade of tan, with the pants being darker than the long-sleeve shirt. Hux rather likes the shirt, though it is almost the complete opposite to his uniform tunic. It is loose where the uniform is tight. There is a wide neck hole that makes the shirt sit almost past Hux’s collarbones; this is due to the hood that stretches across the back of the neck hole. While not in use, the thin fabric bunches up on Hux’s shoulders, almost as if it’s a mild decoration. However, if needed, the hood can be drawn up over Hux’s head. Hux’s mentality was that if he needed to hide, his hair would be the largest problem. 

 

The shirt has a problem though. After Hux gets dressed, he is left with two pairs of dog tags in his hand, one bearing the rank of general and the other of lieutenant. Hux does not care if anyone sees his lieutenant dog tag; if they were to see his name, it would be damning enough. What Hux doesn’t want is to walk out of the fresher with two different chains around his now exposed neck. That would provoke unwanted questions. 

 

Walking onto the _Upsilon_ with both tags around his neck had been easy, thanks to the collar of his uniform. Walking out of this fresher, unfortunately, will be more difficult, due to the fact that Ren both possesses eyes and can see through them. 

 

Hux curses under his breath and begins the process of transferring his lieutenant dog tags to the chain of his general dog tags, something which becomes much more complicated than Hux ever anticipated. 

 

After the arduous process is complete, Hux growls, under his breath, “Fucking sentiment.” He clips the chain back together and pulls it over his head to slide down under his shirt. Hux looks down on it, to make sure it doesn’t look suspiciously bumpy, but the shirt is thick enough that the bump is unnoticeable. This will have to do, until Hux can get rid of his old lieutenant dog tags that he, in a moment of immense uncertainty, decided to bring with him. Hux turns away from the counter to slide on a short pair of black boots over his dark pants. He laces them up, an action he hasn’t had to do since leaving this base in the first place. The colors of his clothing and boots contrast sharply with each other. 

 

When Hux exits the fresher, it is to see Ren staring at Hux’s beeping comm with a confused expression. Like Hux, Ren has gotten dressed as well in the garments he wears underneath his numerous cloaks. He looks up to see Hux and scrunches his face at his nonmilitary appearance before holding the comm out to him. “You have a message,” Ren says in a nonchalant tone, as if he hadn’t just been trying to read it. 

 

Hux has been waiting for a message like this, one received through his personal channel. Like all personal comm units, his has both a position signature and a personal signature. His position signature is known to all aboard the _Finalizer_ , so any officer could reach him if necessary. Before he met Ren outside the _Upsilon_ hangar, Hux had turned off this signature, much like he had with the _Upsilon’s_. His personal signature is more nuanced; only Ren had hold of it before he gave it to Mitaka with the order to comm him with updates about the ship. This has to be one of those updates, and if Hux judges its content by Ren’s confused expression, then Mitaka is following his orders quite well. 

 

The comm is showing only one word, but Hux knows what it means. This is an audio message, so Hux hits a button on the side of the comm to play the message. Static plays at first. Ren moves closer to Hux, to stand on his left. When the message plays, it is hushed and breathy, as if Mitaka is holding his comm extremely close to his mouth. Mitaka stumbles over his words often, and Hux can’t tell if it’s because of nerves or lack of proficiency in the language. Still, when the message finishes with a long beep, Hux knows exactly what is happening onboard. He takes his finger off the comm’s side to stop the message from repeating and turns to Ren, who is staring at him expectedly.  


 

Hux almost can’t believe it. He had never expected this. 

 

“The ship is fine,” Hux says, stunned. “The admirals never showed up.” 

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” 

 

Hux shakes his head. “I don’t know. It gives me more time, definitely.” Then, Hux has a thought and laughs lowly to himself. “Perhaps they got cold feet and crawled back to Snoke, begging for forgiveness.” Hux wishes he could see that, but contents himself with the image of it. He thinks Addarus would lead them, still trying to be in charge even as he bows down, groveling, to a superior power. 

 

Ren moves closer and wraps his arms around Hux. With his nose, he bumps against Hux’s temple roughly, pushing Hux’s head to the side with the motion. Hux allows the movement. With his other hand, the one not holding the comm, Hux grabs at Ren’s arm. “They were fools to even think they could,” Ren says against Hux’s head. 

 

Hux doesn’t know if Ren is referring to him or to the Supreme Leader, but the message is the same. The admirals should not have stepped out of line, but Hux cannot tell if they did or not. They never appeared on the _Finalizer_ , like the red comm had predicted, but they could always be in pursuit. Therefore, Hux needs to be on guard once he lands on the planet; if he is not careful and someone sees him, then the admirals could follow that trail of gossip right to Hux. Hux needs to speak with Snoke first, so that everyone will be put in their proper places.

 

In a rumble against his head, pulling Hux out of his thoughts on the admirals’ actions, Ren asks, “Who sent the message?” One of his hands has gone back to Hux’s stomach to slide up and down it. The fabric of the tan shirt creates an odd texture against Hux’s skin. 

 

That’s right. Hux didn’t exactly tell Ren what he was doing in the time between their parting and their meeting outside the hangar. “Mitaka. I had him meet me before we left.” 

 

Ren pulls away suddenly, and Hux almost stumbles at the quickness of it. When Hux turns to glare at Ren, Ren is already glaring at him. They are stuck in this stalemate, glaring at each other, until Ren asks, incredulously, “ _Mitaka_?” 

 

“Why not? He’s competent, loyal and unnoticeable. That’s all I need.” Hux does not know why he’s defending the lieutenant; perhaps it’s because Ren choked him weeks before, and Hux has always been particular about how his officers are treated. 

 

“He’s a sycophant, Hux. He’ll break down the first time someone says your name.” 

 

Hux raises an eyebrow, trying to suppress the anger that bubbles in his stomach. “I remember times when you called me a sycophant. You were wrong then.” He gestures to his comm. “And you’re wrong now. Mitaka knows how to stay unnoticed.” 

 

“What skills does he have at this? He’s not a spy.” 

 

Hux is getting pissed. Ren may be part of the Order now, but he wasn’t when they were in exile. He has never lived aboard a Star Destroyer, the way Hux has. “How do you think he survived being born on a Destroyer, travelling in exile to the Unknown Regions?” 

 

“Much as you did, I assume.” 

 

Hux scoffs. He can’t imagine Mitaka doing what Hux did to survive on those Star Destroyers. He doesn’t have the temperament Hux had as a youth. “No, he stayed quiet and out of sight. That is how Mitaka survived, and that is what helps me now. What I need is someone naturally inconspicuous; Mitaka is that person.” 

 

Ren opens his mouth to respond, but before he can, the autopilot alert beeps from the cockpit. Hux then knows that they are close to the base, if they are about to drop from hyperspace. With the admiral concerns taken care of, Hux can now focus on this new problem, one that is less avoidable than the admirals. To solve this, Hux will have to endure and hope that Ren doesn’t notice his suspicious thoughts. Hux thinks he will succeed, considering he spent many minutes in the fresher assembling a new set of dog tags without any notice, mental or verbal, from Ren. 

 

Hux pushes past Ren roughly to walk to the cockpit. The door is open, as Hux had left it before he and Ren had gone to sleep. The alarm still beeps repeatedly, but the sound is not grating like they were when Ren had initially started the engines. Even as they were at light speed and Ren was leaning into his seat, Hux was still checking switches, levers and instruments so that the ship wouldn’t suddenly break apart and fling Hux and Ren into the vacuum. 

 

Hux sits down in the copilot seat, knowing that he will have to be the one handling communications when they emerge from hyperspace. Ren will direct the ship into orbit as Hux contacts his old superior officer through her personal signature. Much as he has just done with Mitaka, Hux’s superior had given him her own personal comm signature, so she could relay important messages on an unofficial channel. This decision expedited communications between ground flight engineers, but also meant that once one person heard a rumor or anything of the like, it was immediately sent through this web of personal comms. Hux is relying on this network, but only partially; he cannot afford to have his presence be common knowledge. 

 

Ren enters the cockpit then, sliding into his seat. He flicks the autopilot switch off, and the yoke clicks out of place to bounce up and down randomly. However, the ship does not move. While in hyperspace, the ship travels in a linear movement, the shortest distance between the initial and final locations. The ship doesn’t need directing once the hyperdrive is enabled. 

 

The hyperdrive light clicks off and Ren says, in a monotone, “Hyperdrive off in three, two, one…” The ship slides out of hyperdrive gracefully. In front of them is Hux’s old base, a scrub-like planet with little pools of visible blue water. The land is tinted a faint red, by iron oxide if Hux remembers correctly. The red dust would get everywhere on base, and with water shortages common and sanistreams prone to breaking, every person on base would often walk around coated in a thin layer of the dust. Hux remembers how people on base would deliberately rub the dust in their skin or hair to give it a red color, for vanity or some other purpose Hux never quite figured out. The red dust had only blended in with his hair. It had made his skin look sunburnt, even when others had painted elaborate red designs on his freckled arms.

 

Hux grabs the headset hanging on the wall to his right and slides it on. As Ren directs them into orbit, Hux adjusts the radio frequency to that old signature, presses a button on his yoke and says, hoping that the frequency is still current, “Ryoida approach, KOR _Upsilon_ , level orbit.” Out of the corner of his eye, Hux sees Ren quickly glance at him before turning back to the viewport. The _Upsilon_ is in orbit around the red planet now, and Ren sits back until he receives word from Hux that they can land. 

 

“Ryoida approach, KOR _Upsilon_ , level orbit,” Hux says again, before pausing to listen for words to emerge from the static. 

 

Just before Hux is about to repeat himself, he hears a voice, breaking up in the static, say, “KOR _Upsilon_ , state your name and purpose.” The voice startles Hux into silence. It is older, but just as recognizable at it was when he was stationed here. “KOR _Upsilon_ , are you there?” 

 

Hux is excited when he responds, “Ryoida approach, KOR _Upsilon_ , this is Red, purpose landing.” At this statement, Ren glances at Hux again, this time not breaking his gaze until Hux looks towards him and meets his questioning expression. Hux holds up a hand for Ren to wait and listens for the response through the static. 

 

“KOR _Upsilon_ , Ryoida approach, turn heading eight six seven, descend and maintain fifteen hundred.” Then, the speaker breaks out of her code. Her tone turns sly. “I’m giving you an incognito landing, Red. You’ll be in the desert.” 

 

Hux does not break code. “Turn heading eight six seven, down to fifteen hundred, KOR _Upsilon_.” Hux turns away from his communications and back to Ren, who is still staring at Hux with a undiscernible expression. Hux lifts his finger off the button on the yoke, so that ground will not hear him. “Ren, we have clearance. Descend.” 

 

“You called yourself Red. She did, too.” 

 

Of all the things for Ren to focus on. Hux rolls his eyes and flicks a switch in the center, transferring control of the ship to his yoke. He pushes the yoke down, to descend through the atmosphere at the proper vector. “Lots of people called me Red here. All of us junior officers had nicknames; why would the seniors bother with learning our real ones?” 

 

They descend into the atmosphere then, and the flames lick at the _Upsilon’s_ resistant surface. The ship shakes slightly with the force of reentry, pushing Hux and Ren against their seats. Though the artificial gravity of the ship helps counteract the g-forces of reentry, it doesn’t completely negate them. Hux stares straight ahead at one of the bright lines of fire licking at the viewport, so that he does not become sick. Ren does the same, Hux thinks, if his distant expression is anything to go by. 

 

Soon, the reentry flames dissipate, and the _Upsilon’s_ wings catch lift. Hux nudges Ren out of his stupor, and Ren startles, as if he had been in a trance of some kind. “Can you take the yoke?” Hux asks, in a tone that is more of a demand. Ren nods and grabs the yoke in front of him. Hux flicks the control switch back to him and turns to the other controls around him to switch from vacuum to atmo flight. With every switch, button and dial he flicks, presses or turns, the ship flies even steadier, so that they almost coast across the red landscape.

 

Hux keeps an eye on the altimeter in front of him, watching as the central number ticks down ever closer to fifteen hundred meters. He also watches their heading on another indicator to make sure Ren keeps the nose pointed on the correct vector. As the ship crosses fifteen hundred, the static buzzes in Hux’s ears again and a familiar voice says, “KOR _Upsilon_ , Ryoida approach, descend vertically to land.” 

 

Ren clicks the rotary switch to the right for the complete use of the vertical dark matter engines. The thrusters roar with the added power. The _Upsilon_ descends and brings its wings up out of its extended position to tuck against the compartment Hux and Ren sit within. As the ship approaches the ground, dust kicked up by its vertical thrusters obscures the viewport in front of Hux. “Descend vertically to land, KOR _Upsilon_ ,” Hux responds, distracted by what he can see as the dust clouds clear from the viewport, leaving a red residue behind. 

 

The ship’s landing gear automatically deploys at five meters. With a gentle bounce, the ship lands on this planet, bringing Hux back to the planet he had left behind. Ren pulls back the four engine levers with one hand, bringing the four engines from a roar to a purr to silence. 

 

Almost as if through a tunnel, Hux hears his old superior officer sign him off. “KOR _Upsilon_ , remain where you are, Red.” 

 

Hux presses his thumb into the button. “Remain where you are, thank you and good night, Ryoida,” Hux says in a daze. 

 

A laugh punches through the static. “Technically, it’s ‘good morning’, lieutenant.” The static cuts off then, and the communication is broken. All that Hux can hear is the sound of his and Ren’s combined breathing, loud in the silence of their cockpit. Through the viewport, Hux sees brown shrubbery huddled close to the ground and rocks scattered around by the force of the _Upsilon’s_ thrusters. The red landscape extends far beyond into a horizon that shimmers. 

 

It is strange that Hux comes to this planet, the opposite of his Starkiller, and feels the same possessiveness he felt when he first landed on that ice planet years ago, when it was still savage and disorderly and the air bit at Hux’s face with icy teeth. That same savagery existed here, too, some time ago. Hux tamed that savagery as well, with more effort than even his construction of Starkiller required. Hux can only hope that his return here will not reawaken that person within him, one who thrives in the heat and passion that permeates this red planet. A person Hux needs to repress, but craves to release just the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a short one, and not a lot happens, but I hope you can see where I'm going with this! :D
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> Here's some of the research I did for this chapter: 
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> \- The kind of communication I wrote between Hux and his old superior officer is based on commercial air traffic control! This is the chatter that goes on between pilots and controllers, so that they can ensure your flight is on time and the skies remain clear for all aircraft. These guys talk to each other a lot, but especially at take-off and landing. What I wrote is based on landing communications, with an inclusion of a transfer from orbit to atmo 
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> \- Also: units of distance in the Star Wars universe are meters/kilometers/metric! That means that unlike in attitude atc communications (which are in feet), I had to make them in meters here! A 'kilometer' is often called a 'klick' in the Star Wars Universe, if my research is correct
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> \- I based the _Upsilon's_ automatic landing gear deployment on real-world thrusters that ignite at specific altitudes. If I am correct (and do fact check me, as this is just something I've remembered from a presentation), the Curiosity rover had thrusters like this that helped slow it down before its touchdown on Mars. 
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> \- Iron oxide is what gives Mars its reddish tint. That is the planet I referenced for Ryoida :D 
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> Next chapter (part 2!) will be up next Friday~*~


	6. The Hux-Wing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~*~Highway to the Danger Zone, I'll take you right into the Danger Zone~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LITERALLY have no excuse for this being late because when I should have been writing during the week, I was instead playing Lego Star Wars: The Force Awakens, but anyway it's all fine because it's here! 
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> Thank you to all who read, sent kudos and commented on this fic! Every notification makes my heart take off like an X-wing
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> Also, this chapter is 15,000 words long! Holy heck! I hope the pacing is still ok, as I have gotten confirmation from a friend that even Chapter 4, the long one, read quickly~*~
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> I don't think there's a lot more to say besides: watch out for some potentially triggering stuff, as we get some major Hux backstory fuck yes it's good, but it's troubling all the same. Be safe, my lovely readers
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> I hope you all enjoy this extra long chapter, which is going to be the longest one for this story!

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The planet is just as Hux remembers. Still oppressively hot, still blindingly bright, even though the sun has just begun to rise. Hux walks down the ramp of the _Upsilon_ and stands at the end of it, staring at the landscape stretching out in front of him. The muted blue of the sky blends easily into the dull red horizon, which shimmers with the heat of this planet’s sun. 

 

Even though Hux has not yet set foot on the planet, the red sand is already dusted on Hux’s exposed skin by the curling winds of this planet. They give a sharp color to Hux’s skin, which is pallid from his time aboard the _Finalizer_. He had not spent much time outdoors on Starkiller either. His duties had required him to be on base at all times, overseeing the weapon’s secret development and maintaining the Stormtrooper program from afar. Hux had always preferred to delegate those duties to Phasma or another subordinate; they were better at the human elements, while Hux oversaw the mechanical. 

 

Hux is brought out of his musings by a set of feet walking down the ramp behind him, like the owner is trying to make their presence as quiet as possible. Ren has not nor will ever be completely quiet, but Hux appreciates the sentiment, all the same. 

 

“Where is she?” 

 

Hux squints in the distance, looking for a hovercraft he had seen on the ship’s radar before he had come outside to stand at the end of the ramp. He can’t see anything beyond the shimmering, dusty horizon, but he knows that she’s close. 

 

“It’s hard to see through the dust, but radar doesn’t lie. She’s almost here.” 

 

Hux finally steps off the ramp and onto Ryoida. The thin coating of red dust cushions Hux’s foot, and the red dust scatters outward in a small cloud. These small clouds accompany every one of Hux’s steps away from the _Upsilon_. 

 

Ren follows behind Hux like an afterthought, but quickly jogs up to catch up with Hux’s quick strides. Like Hux, he has shed his formal attire in accordance with the temperature of this planet. He’s still wearing all black, unlike Hux’s tans, but he’s stripped down to an undershirt and the black pants he wears underneath his outer robes. Around his shoulders are his cowl, which is not pulled up at the moment. Hux thinks the cowl looks too heavy to bear in this heat and can’t understand how Ren can even wear it.

 

“Are you going to tell me anything about her, before she’s here?” Ren asks, already panting in the heat. That’s what happens when you wear all black on Ryoida, but it’s not like he had much of a choice. Hux doesn’t think he owns anything besides his lightsaber, his clothing and that damn helmet of his grandfather’s. 

 

Hux stops because out in the horizon, kicking up dust, there is a speeder that is racing ever closer to them. “It’s better if you meet her personally and then make your own judgements,” he says cryptically. 

 

Before Ren can ask Hux to elaborate further, the speeder’s whirring engine punches through the quiet morning. Both Hux and Ren watch its approach silently, Ren wondering who he is about to meet and Hux wondering if what he has gambled on will be worth it. 

 

The speeder slows drastically, its engine clicking down to an almost undetectable rumble. Then, it cruises to a stop to the right of Hux and Ren. The engine still runs and kicks up small clouds of dust that drift gently back to the ground, only to be kicked up again. 

 

Hux is just about to walk over to the speeder when the driver jumps out, vaulting over the speeder side to land on the ground with a dull thump. She walks around the front of the speeder, her eyes drawn to it and not the people she has come to. Finally, after her inspection of the hovercraft is complete, she looks up and stares at Hux, her eyes sharp even as they are lined with wrinkles. 

 

Hux immediately snaps into a salute, an instinct helped by his presence on Ryoida, where much of his day was spent saluting his seniors. “Ma’am.”

 

To his left, Ren stares at Hux, his eyes wide. That’s right: Hux hasn’t had to salute anyone in years now, much less so in front of Ren. Hux can count the number of times Ren has seen him salute on one hand, and those were years ago, when their relationship was still new. 

 

Commander Elthia Alekta was the first face Hux saw when he arrived on this planet, fresh from the Academy and still snarling at being sent to a base he deemed below him. How quickly Alekta corrected that behavior. Though she may be commander of the air base here, she is also chief flight engineer, which made her double Hux’s superior. That is why, through his pride, Hux shoved his anger and frustration aside and worked on the ships that would carry out the First Order’s missions here in the Outer Rim. 

 

Alekta stops when she’s right in front of Hux, looking up at him through their minor height difference. Hux can see that the years have grayed her hair slightly, even as they are sprinkled with the red dust of this planet. Her clothing and exposed skin, except her face, are coated in the red dust. 

 

“At ease, Hux.” Alekta is what many of Hux’s generation call a “True Imperial”: the older generation who had served on either Death Star or in the other battles of the Empire. True Imperials can be distinguished by both their age and their accents, which are slightly different from the younger generations since they had no influence from alien languages growing up. They are those highest in command, barring Hux, and lead the First Order as the Empire led its own troops. 

 

Hux drops his salute, snapping it behind his back like expected. Alekta still stares at him, her mouth a thin line, before she sniffs a laugh and says, “So. You’re a general now.” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“I always knew you were too good for this planet.” 

 

Before Hux can break through his surprise at her comment to respond, Alekta turns to Ren for the first time, looking up at him with the same piercing stare. It’s one she gives to ships that are particularly stubborn. Ren stares down at her, meeting her gaze unblinkingly. 

 

Alekta turns away from Ren to face Hux once more, her gaze not betraying any thought. Hux hopes that she will take them in, hide them from the admirals, but he’ll have to ask her correctly, in a way that is both truthful but also doesn’t include the secret message he received on the red comm. In a way that doesn’t reveal that someone told him to run. 

 

“Why are you here, Hux?” 

 

Hux opens his mouth to say literally anything, but before he can Ren says, in a rush, “It concerns the Force.” 

 

How _spectacularly_ vague. Hux clenches his teeth, expecting Alekta to interrogate him further, but instead of asking Hux, Alekta turns her piercing gaze to Ren. 

 

“You’re a Knight of Ren, then.” She glances at Ren’s waist, where his lightsaber is hooked on a strap in the leggings. “Kylo Ren, judging by the three-pronged lightsaber at your hip.” She turns away from Ren, whose face is comically flustered at being identified so quickly, to look back at Hux. Ren likely assumed his identity would be kept secret, considering he’s not wearing a mask. “I had no idea Leader Snoke was sending one of his own to my base.” 

 

“Our mission is classified, but requires us to be on base,” Hux explains, hoping his tone isn’t betraying the truth he is suppressing. “Neither Ren nor I can explain why, but apparently the Force mandates our presence here.” 

 

Alekta’s eyes narrow, and Hux meets her gaze. If he looked away, she would immediately suspect something and kick them off her base as quickly as they came. Alekta has never tolerated lying, even by omission. 

 

“Classified. That explains why you didn’t communicate through the proper landing channels and instead did so through me.” She nods her head, confident in her deductions. “I’ll let you stay here, concealed, for the time it takes this knight to do what he needs to. Then, I’ll get you off base, as quietly as I can.” 

 

Hux wants to sigh in relief, but holds the breath in. “You won’t regret it, ma’am.” 

 

“No, I won’t, because while you’re here, I’m using you.” She turns and walks away from Hux and Ren back to her speeder. Hux follows her unspoken order and falls in behind her. Ren walks on Hux’s other side. “The ships have been having problems, and I need you to look at them.” 

 

Hux immediately falls into this old pattern. “What’s the issue?”

 

“I’ll explain more when we’re back on base.” They reach the speeder, which is a two-seater to Hux’s regret. Alekta vaults back into the driver’s seat, bringing a thin coating of red dust with her. 

 

Ren and Hux stare at the one seat in the speeder, both wondering whether the other will take it. Before Hux can make his move and shove Ren out of the way, Alekta says, “I’m assuming the Knight has little experience in speeders, so Hux, you’re in back.” 

 

Already, Hux feels nineteen again. He walks around Ren to the back of the speeder, which thankfully does have handholds in case of rough terrain. Hux climbs in and sits with his back against the side wall of the speeder and his legs pulled up in front of him. With one hand, Hux holds onto a handhold. The grit from the dust bites into his ungloved palm. 

 

Much like Alekta did, Ren vaults into the speeder’s passenger seat. He has to squish himself into the seat to prevent his long limbs from spilling out the sides, but even as compressed as he is, Hux can still detect an air of smugness surrounding Ren like the Force supposedly does. Hux sneers at the back of Ren’s head once before he tucks his hood over his face, holding it in place so Hux isn’t absolutely blasted by the dust that the speeder will inevitably kick up. 

 

Alekta accelerates the speeder gradually, its engine roaring with the added power. Soon, the speeder is racing across the red landscape, trailed by a cloud of red dust that still manages to hit Hux’s face even as he tucks it into his legs. 

 

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“No wonder they called you Red.” 

 

“Shut _up_ , Ren.” 

 

They’re walking behind Alekta at a distance, as both had quickly deteriorated in the heat. She had parked the speeder far away from the base, which can be faintly seen in the distance. Both of their hoods are up, to keep the sun off their skin and their identities hidden. Ren’s face may be unknown to most of the Order, but it would appear strange if Hux was the only one wearing his hood when Ren has one as well. Hux’s hood is, unfortunately, absolutely covered in the red dust, so much so that the original color is lost. Hux’s face escaped a lot of the damage, but the flush of his red skin doesn’t help. His red hair has never helped either, and the nickname had stuck on Hux like unwanted adhesive. 

 

Finally, just as Hux thinks he will break and ask Alekta for water, they reach the end of a runway, unused in the early hours of morning drills. The signaling lights, meant for visual reference of the runway, are turned off, only really in use if someone’s in flight or if it’s night. 

 

When Alekta steps onto the runway, Hux grimaces, knowing that walking on the surface will make him feel even hotter. Still, he follows as she leads them to a building in the distance, what Hux remembers to be a hangar. Ren pants next to him, most likely cooking on the runway in his all-black attire. Hux absently thinks that he’ll need to get lighter clothes, if he is to adapt to the temperature here. 

 

As they get closer to the hangar, Hux can see more signs of life on base. In the distance, on one of the parade fields, a group of cadets march in formation, pilots by training, but all soldiers in the Order, stormtrooper or officer, had to do the same drills. Hux thinks back to his own marches on base and sympathizes with the cadets on the field. He can distinctly remember times of people passing out in front of him; the only thing Hux could do was step over them and not on them. 

 

However, what interests Hux is directly in front of him. Lined on either side of the runway, stretching out to consolidate by the hangar, are TIE fighters of many different classes. Some with hyperdrives, some with not. Those where the cockpit hatch is on top of the ship and others where the hatch is on the bottom. They vary like this because Ryoida, besides being a military base of the First Order, is a flight school. The number of TIE’s is greater on base than it was when Hux was on base, which makes sense since the growth the Order has experienced has sharply increased in the last ten years, when the planet settling was complete and galactic conquering ensued. 

 

Alekta stops in the shade of the large hangar, and Hux is grateful for the respite from the sun. Apparently, Ren is too, since he tilts his head back and breathes deeply, his hands on his hips. Both Ren and Hux are unused to heat of this degree; if Hux were to ask, he’d think Ren would agree that this planet is hotter than Jakku ever was. 

 

Alekta peers around the corner, looking at something Hux can’t see. Then, she turns back to Hux. Somehow, she is barely sweating and her hair is still settled flat and not curling. 

 

“This base has always had its problems, as you know well. This time, it’s the TIE fighters acting up, but I have my own people for that. I need you for something else.” She walks around the corner and is lost from Hux’s view. 

 

Hux follows, hesitant for some strange reason, until he sees what Alekta has been referring to, all this time. He slowly pulls off his hood so that it sits around his shoulders. “You still have her,” Hux says incredulously. 

 

Alekta’s only response is to snort, like she can’t believe that Hux would ever assume the base would get rid of this ship. 

 

Ren comes around the corner and stumbles at what it reveals. “That’s an X-wing,” he says blankly. 

 

Alekta laughs at Ren’s incredulousness. “We used to call it the Hux-wing. Mostly because he was so obsessed with it.” 

 

Hux doesn’t respond to this potentially insulting remark, as his attention is drawn to the X-wing in front of him. The ship has landed at an angle, so Hux can see the full length of the fighter. Painted on the ship’s black side is the First Order insignia in a bloody red. That is the only touch of color on the X-wing: a deep red painted in thick lines down its wings and on nose. 

 

This particular X-wing has many names, but Hux’s personal favorite can’t be seen from this distance. Hux slowly walks up to the X-wing and puts a hand on its nose, resting there momentarily before he walks down the nose to where the name of this X-wing was painted by Hux over a decade ago. 

 

There, in two lines of red text, the name of this X-wing is inscribed. _Scarlet Serenity_. What a perfect name, for a fighter that demands composure from whomever pilots it. Hux has piloted the fighter many times, and each time the ship had tried to knock him straight out of the sky. Still, Hux had come back, jumping into the pilot’s seat, his copilot quick to join him if only to prevent Hux from accidentally killing himself. 

 

While Hux walks around the X-wing, checking for the problems Alekta referred to, he keeps an ear on the conversation between Ren and Alekta, which is turning to matters that concern him. 

 

“How’d you even _get_ an X-wing?” 

 

“I couldn’t tell you. There was a captain, about ten years ago, who lost his Imperial fighter in an air battle above some planet or another. He wouldn’t tell us how, but he ended up with an X-wing.” Alekta laughs at the memory. “You should have seen everyone’s faces when an X-wing came roaring through the atmosphere. The poor captain could barely get out of the cockpit with everyone swarming the bird once she landed.” 

 

Standing on the other side of the X-wings hyperdrive engines, out of sight from Ren and Alekta, Hux puts a hand on the X-wing’s side and stands there, thinking back to what that particular captain had told him about his acquiring of the X-wing not ten years ago, but thirteen. 

 

Apparently, Republic forces don’t guard their bases very well, considering a True Imperial, one who never had to steal in his life, was able to sneak in, incapacitate its pilot, knock his droid out and fly the fighter right out of the base. He had been shot at, of course, but somehow, like he always did, the captain made it back to Ryoida with only scorch marks burned on the X-wing’s sides. 

 

That got the captain a new nickname, one he was quite happy with. Crosser, for the shape of an X-wing and the insinuation that he had “turned traitor” by piloting her. Hux remembers that at the time, he was displeased that the captain was gifted with a new nickname while he wasn’t. Crosser had only laughed at Hux and said something insulting, yet endearing all the same. Hux can’t remember exactly what he said back; likely he only turned away with his lip bit, as he always did. 

 

Hux takes his hand off the X-wing and walks back to Ren and Alekta, trying in vain to shove memories of that sort out of his mind. With a mind reader like Ren, who can barely control his mental interruptions of Hux’s mind, he needs to keep his thoughts on other matters besides his past. 

 

“I couldn’t tell the problem from my pass. Is it internal then?” Hux asks, trying his best to be nonchalant. 

 

Ryoida nods and waves a hand at Hux to follow her back to the X-wing. Hux pivots on his heel to go back to where he just came from. Ren follows behind them. 

 

“A couple days ago, a cadet landed on her struts too fast, and one of them snapped. We repaired that already, but something in the split engine failed.” Alekta points at the intake of the split engine and traces her hand in the inner portion, where connectors allow for additional acceleration when the X-wing closes its wings. Apparently, this cross shape of an X-wing is due to the fact that having the circuit closed at all times would overwork the engines and make the ship explode. “I think one of these conduits broke, but I need you to check.”

 

“Why not have one of your own cadets check?” Hux asks. It’s not as though he doesn’t want to work on the fighter, but Alekta has an entire base of cadets itching to do something besides march in the hot sun and get screamed at. 

 

Alekta raises an eyebrow, implying that Hux is stepping across the unspoken line of respect. “These cadets aren’t like your class, Hux. We got the shit tier ones back then, excluding you, but I would prefer those to the officer cadets I’m getting now. They’re _vicious_ , more feral than you or your classmates ever were.” 

 

Hux’s expression tightens at the word Alekta used to describe the cadets, but doesn’t address it. “How so?” he asks instead. 

 

“The officers sabotage each other, just so they can get a leg up.” Before Hux can say that he did the exact same thing in the Academy, Alekta continues, knowing what Hux was going to say. “And not in the way you or your classmates did, Hux. They’re attacking the ships; I suspect half of the issues with the TIE fighters are due to cadet sabotage. Not only am I losing cadets, both potential officers _and_ stormtroopers, but I’m losing ships. Those are not easily replaced by your stormtrooper program.” Alekta runs a hand across the lower inner wing of the X-wing. When she pulls her hand off the surface, her hand is speckled with red. “They can bark and bite amongst themselves if they want, but not at the ships.” 

 

Hux concurs with her and narrows his eyes at the insinuation that these cadets are sabotaging ships on purpose. They may have been born planet-side as a new generation of Imperials, but they should still respect the ships for what they are. These ships may not be Star Destroyers, but they deserve the same degree of reverence. Hux can understand why Alekta is wary to let any cadet near this X-wing, considering it’s a one-of-a-kind, and, if Hux is correct, vital to the training of First Order spies. That’s what she was used for when Hux was stationed here, once it was necessary to understand the Republic’s plans to destroy them further. 

 

When the fighter wasn’t being used by spies though, she was taken up by Order pilots who wanted to know how an X-wing flew, so that they had a better chance of shooting one down. Hux knows by experience that Imperial fighters, TIE fighters and X-wings all move completely differently, in a way that is jarring to switch among the three.  
“Are the tools still where I remember?” 

 

Alekta shakes her head and points to the entrance of another hangar, where Hux can vaguely make out a tool box. “All the tools, plus water, are over there, and you can move whatever you want. There’s no one else working around here, so you can keep the hood down, too. I’ll get you and the Knight at sunset, so I can sneak you in for dinner. Then, you can tell me about Starkiller.” Alekta leaves Hux where he stands, his eyes wide and his stomach tight with heat to disappear behind the hangar wall and out of sight. 

 

Fuck. _Fuck_. 

 

Hux does not want to talk about Starkiller again. After his meeting with the admirals, he doesn’t want to even think of that damned base, considering the trouble that base has put him in. 

 

“She’s quite the commander. She doesn’t even fear me.” 

 

Hux had forgotten that Ren was standing next to him, as his thoughts were quickly spiraling around how he’s going to explain Starkiller Base without referencing the admirals. If he did, Hux doesn’t think Alekta would miss the connection between his meeting with the admirals and his presence on Ryoida. 

 

“Yes,” Hux simply says in response. “She is.” 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

If Hux had thought the morning was hot, midday just about killed him. He had taken multiple breaks to pull the pair of wings back together so that he could lie down on the shadowed ground underneath the wing and just take a break from the fucking heat. He had resisted taking off his shirt, as he remembered that feeling overheated is preferable to having a sunburn. So, the only thing Hux could do besides pour water on himself, which is illegal on this base, was lie down on the cool surface underneath the fighter’s closed wings. Hux did have some difficulty prying the wings back into their X formation after his numerous breaks. He thinks they’re probably in need of some kind of lubrication and reminds himself to deal with that tomorrow. 

 

Ren had left soon after Alekta, citing his need for a quiet, cool place for meditation. Hux had called bullshit on that, saying Ren only wanted to get out of the heat. Still, Ren went off in some direction, hopefully not to torment the cadets and officers on this base. Fortunately, it seems Ren’s business with the visions Snoke may or may not be sending him is distracting enough so that Ren doesn’t feel himself “being torn apart”, as he dramatically puts it. Hux can only be grateful that he won’t have to fear Ren raging across the air base like an enraged bantha. 

 

Now, Hux sits in a mess hall with Ren and Alekta. Ren had returned to Hux when the sun was setting, so that they could both be picked up by Alekta and smuggled into the officer quarters on base. Whatever Ren had been doing was apparently not at all intensive, considering his bright expression and lively discussion with Alekta. She’s regaling a tale Hux has heard many times before at a table like this: the one time she met Darth Vader while she was stationed on the _Executor_. Ren almost talks over her telling of the story with his numerous questions about his grandfather. 

 

Hux sometimes forgets that underneath the mask, Ren is somewhat of a normal person, who can interact with others besides Hux without choking or killing them. 

 

The bar of standards for decent behavior has always been low, when Ren is considered. 

 

Hux sits on the bench next to Ren with his cheek pillowed on his hand. His elbow is on the table, but barely, as Hux has been swaying slightly in his seat. He thinks the heat has gotten to him, even though he took precautions not to get heat exhaustion, again. Hux still managed to eat all of his food in one of his personal quickest times, even as heat-induced nausea swam in his stomach. 

 

The conversation, which Hux is barely even listening to, fades out. It’s silent for a while, and Hux can feel his eyes closing, his face sinking further into his palm so that the hair growing on his face pricks at it. 

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Hux.” Hux tilts his eyes up, but does not lift his head, to look at Alekta blearily. She gestures at Ren, who sits across from her. “Here I thought the Force user would be the silent one.” 

 

“He hasn’t slept properly in weeks,” Ren says teasingly. 

 

Thank you, Ren. How lovely of him to remind Alekta of Starkiller, even indirectly. Hux shuts his eyes, thinking he could retreat through the guise of being asleep.

 

As he thought, it doesn’t work. Through the darkness, Hux hears Alekta say, “That’s right. What _did_ happen with Starkiller?”

 

Hux opens his eyes, knowing he has lost this particular battle. “They didn’t tell you?” Hux hopes Alekta doesn’t notice that the “they” he is referring to are the admirals, who he generally wants to avoid at the moment. 

 

“We only saw your speech. I had forgotten what it looked like when you spit fire. Or how loud you get when you really need to.” 

 

It sounds like most of the First Order were only treated to Hux actually using the weapon and not to the planet compressing itself into a neutron star. Hux thanks the propaganda skills and censorship capabilities of the Order, as its efforts preserve both his image and his chance of staying on this base until Ren figures out the next coordinate. 

 

Hux hones in on Alekta’s last observation of his speech, which stands out to him for some reason. “I was amplified,” he says defensively. 

 

Alekta snorts, not believing that statement at all, and sips from her cup of water. She is relaxed off-duty, and her uniform tunic is unbuttoned to reveal her undershirt. This is the most she ever did when she would sit with her subordinate flight engineers, who would be even more underdressed. Her appearances at the flight engineer tables were rare, but they were sought after if only to hear about the Empire and her assets. If there was anything Hux and his fellow cadets were deprived of, it was these stories. 

 

Alekta sets down her cup and turns in her seat to face Hux, her eyes honing in on his own. “What happened?” she asks in a tone that demands an answer. 

 

Hux lifts his head from his palm to face Alekta and tells her exactly what happened, from its firing to the Resistance attack to its destruction. Hux avoids talking about the _Finalizer_ , as Alekta had not mentioned her, and Hux doesn’t want to admit to the chief flight engineer, whom he served under for many years, that his _Resurgent_ -class Star Destroyer’s hyperdrive was incapacitated from the Starkiller implosion. 

 

Surprisingly, Alekta doesn’t push for more answers beyond what Hux gave. Instead, she turns to a different topic. 

 

“Did you figure out the problem with _Scarlet_?” 

 

Hux wants to sigh in relief, but withholds the exhale. “You were right. One of the conduits has a clean break through it.” It was almost a perfect split too, like the cadet landing the ship had meant for it to snap. Hux wants to find whoever was responsible and do…something to them, he doesn’t know. Something to make them pay. “I’ll have it fixed by tomorrow.” 

 

“Good. She needs to be up in the air again. Ships aren’t meant to be grounded.” 

 

Hux hums in response, his mouth unnoticeably quirked to the side, exhausted further by his long explanation on Starkiller and the thoughts jumbling in his mind on how he’s going to fix the X-wing. He’ll figure it out tomorrow. 

 

There is a longer pause after Alekta’s last statement, punctured only by Ren asking where he could sleep for the night. Alekta points down the hall, to where the visiting officer quarters are located, and Ren shifts into his seat to rise. Before he leaves, though, he traces his knuckles on Hux’s thigh, unseen with the table blocking everyone’s view. Then, Ren walks through the curved entrance of the hallway, already shedding his cowl as he walks to one of the rooms. 

 

“I never thought I would meet another Force user.”

 

No one ever expects Ren. Hux hadn’t expected Ren, that’s for sure. “The Force takes him wherever it wishes, apparently.” 

 

“Apparently,” Alekta echoes under her breath. 

 

Alekta doesn’t say anything beyond that, but Hux can feel her mind churning. “It’s different here from what I remember,” Hux says to take her mind off the business concerning the Force. Their reason for being here is too vague and Alekta inquiring about the Force would only cause more problems for him and Ren.

 

Alekta nods. “More TIE fighters, of course, now that the Order has switched from planet-hopping to Destroyer-assaults. I can’t tell if I like the universal ship design or hate it. At the same time, I don’t miss the Imperial fighters at all.” 

 

“You weren’t the one pulling those pilots from the burning wreckage of their ships.” How many times had Hux had to stop what he was doing to go rescue another pilot who slammed onto the landing strip too hard and broke their landing gear? How many times did pilots just snap a wing off and skid, showering sparks every which way? The smell of burning rubber was always a constant on this base, when Hux was here. 

 

“No, I wasn’t, Red, but I was the one who had to petition for new ships, to replace the ones we lost. You know personally how well those efforts worked.” 

 

Hux does know, considering he sent ships back onto the runway when they were in no condition to fly. It’s not like he couldn’t fix it because Hux could fix anything mechanical here; no, it was just that Ryoida lacked in parts for maintenance. Poor serviced ships equaled ships that spontaneously depressurized or had weapons malfunctions or had hydraulics fail or had their landing gear snap underneath them. Hux spent much of his time on the base franticly fixing whatever fighter his captain was flying in that day, so that he wouldn’t become one of the unlucky pilots to have their ship fail with them in it. Hux hopes he succeeded, in that aspect.

 

“But it’s better now?”

 

Alekta snorts. “In what way?” She gestures around her, to the walls draped with clean First Order banners. “Sure, we have better facilities. We have hangars well stocked with tools and spare parts for these ships. The stormtrooper program is better than ever.” She shakes her head. “But the cadets the Academy spits out? Terrible. They have all the Imperial pride and none of the struggle. We’re getting the new generation of children born on Order-controlled planets in the Unknown Region and Outer Rim. Their lives weren’t easy, yes, but those planets, even the worst ones, were better than any Star Destroyer.” 

 

Hux hasn’t interacted with this new generation of Imperials, like Alekta apparently has, as his crew aboard the _Finalizer_ are either older than him or part of his generation. Still, what Alekta says rings true in Hux’s mind when he compares her descriptions of these planet-born cadets to what he knows of those born on Republic planets. 

 

All of the pride. None of the struggle. What an astute description. 

 

Alekta puts her hands on the table and pushes herself up to stand, stepping over the bench as she does so. She stands there, her jacket open and her expression hard to discern, looking down at Hux, who looks back up at her even though his eyes are burning with exhaustion. 

 

“Bugle should sound at 0700, so be prepared for that. I’ll smuggle you and the Knight out for breakfast and then get you back to _Scarlet_.” She picks up her water glass and walks around to Hux’s side of the table. “It’s been awhile since she’s had proper care,” she says, before she squeezes Hux’s shoulder with one hand. Then, Alekta continues on her way, to let Hux sit there in the silence of the room for a time before he too gets up to find where Ren has designated to be their quarters. 

 

Ren has chosen the furthest room from the mess hall, which makes sense to Hux considering Ren has always preferred to sleep far away from others. Hux doesn’t know if this is related to unwanted mental projections Ren might feel or if it's just a personal preference of Ren’s. 

 

Regardless, that’s where Hux finds him, sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and his arms resting on his knees. Ren’s already undressed for bed and only wears his leggings and dog tags. His eyes are closed, but when Hux crosses the threshold into the room, they open to look at Hux. Ren almost glows with energy, which Hux sorely needs but doesn’t think he could deal with. Hux strips off his shirt, taking his dog tags off as he does, and throws them somewhere to the side. Then, he lies face down on the bed next to Ren and sighs deeply, his body already remembering the luxury in lying down on a mattress like this after a long, hot day in the Ryoidan heat. 

 

“You’re getting red dirt all over the bed,” Ren says, amused. 

 

Hux forgot he was covered in the red dust that blew across the runway to hit both his ship and himself. He needs to get up and at least take his clothes off, but that’s too much effort at the moment. Right now, Hux is trying to keep his heat-induced nausea in his stomach so that he doesn’t vomit. He has always hated vomiting, both for the sensation and implication. 

 

“I don’t care,” Hux says back, muffled into the bed. He shifts into a comfortable position, one where he’s on his side with his limbs tucked into himself. Hux glances at Ren from the corner of his eye. Ren looks down at him with a soft expression. 

 

“You’re different here,” Ren says before tracing his knuckles gently down Hux’s face. Hux closes his eyes at the touch. “Your mind is quieter. More focused.” Ren pulls his hand away, to Hux’s displeasure. He opens his eyes to glare at Ren, to get him to come back, but Ren is looking elsewhere, at the wall if Hux is correct. “I feel it, too. The Force is strong here. I can already feel the visions transforming into a number I can understand. Before, I was being spoken to through water.” Ren brings his hand back to Hux’s face and traces a finger around the curve of Hux’s ear. Hux sighs at the return of Ren’s touch. “Here, I can hear it like someone is whispering into my ear.” 

 

“It’s always been like this,” Hux says softly. Quiet, even with the screech of ships punching through the silence. Peaceful, even as Hux’s servicing duties were interrupted by pilots punching out of their ships to let them hit the ground and explode. There were so many times that Hux did this: lie on the ground, bed, anything and have his captain do what Ren is doing to him now, but even softer because he knew it was what was needed, not asked for. 

 

In the back of Hux’s mind, the threat of the admirals still looms, but it’s quieter now, reduced from a warning to a faint possibility. He has to remind himself that his _Finalizer_ is still broken and that he isn’t just stationed on this base far away from everything that’s happened. It’s easy to focus on problems that are close at hand, like the X-wing, rather than think about the problems he left behind. 

 

Then, Ren asks something that Hux was not expecting, though the conversation was heading that direction anyway. “Why did you tell me you hated it here?

Hux hadn’t exactly said that he hated it, but he can tell where Ren could have heard Hux’s unstated feelings about Ryoida when they were discussing the red comm’s message. His frustrations on the state of the ships he serviced does not reflect the base though; it reflects the attention given to the base by those in command. “I never said I hated it here.” 

 

“Let me rephrase: why have you never told me about Ryoida before?” 

 

Hux snorts at Ren’s pronunciation of the base name. “You need to roll the ‘r’ and extend the ‘oi’ in Ryoida, Ren. If you say it like that, people might just think you’re meant to be here.” 

 

Ren flops himself down on the bed to face Hux, curled up on his side with his mouth twitching as he tries to contain a grin. “How would you pronounce it then, Red?” 

 

Hux rolls his eyes before saying, in a drawn-out pronunciation, “ _Ryoida_. That’s what it sounds like.” He taps Ren on the chest. “Now you try.”

 

Ren clears his throat before he says, in the flattest tone Hux has ever heard from him, “Ryoida.” Then, his mouth splits into a grin that only exaggerates the brightness in his eyes.

 

Hux scowls. “You did that on purpose,” he accuses. He hits him one more time, harder than the last time. “Do it again, and this time _try_ ,” he emphasizes with one final tap with the back of his hand. 

 

Ren curves his chest in to avoid Hux’s tapping. “Fuck, stop hitting me, hold on.” Ren looks down and furrows his brows, and Hux leans in closer, so that he can better hear Ren’s attempt at pronouncing the name of the base. Technically, one doesn’t need to elongate the word as much as Hux did, but that’s how he and his fellow cadets had pronounced it back when he was stationed here. Ren must do it, too. 

 

Finally, after a long pause which Hux spends not even blinking, Ren says, still looking down from Hux, his mouth contorting itself around the syllables, “ _Ryoida_.” 

 

Hux bites his lip immediately to contain the snort that wants to push out of him so desperately. He thinks he can force it down and away until Ren looks up at him seeking Hux’s approval that he pronounced the word correctly. At the first sight of Ren’s eager face, Hux turns his head into his fist and tries to turn his snort into a cough. Ren sees through the ruse immediately and shoves Hux in the shoulder, making him rock slightly on the bed. 

 

“You try pronouncing a word like that,” Ren says, and Hux knows even without looking at him that his face is flushed red with embarrassment. “I bet there’s a word that you can’t pronounce.” 

 

Hux takes his face out of his fist to lie it back on the mattress. “I bet there’s not,” Hux says and reaches a hand across to trace a finger around Ren’s mouth. “I bet you can’t even come up with one,” he says, tapping against Ren’s mouth once, before taking his hand away to curve into his chest again. 

 

Ren’s eyes dart to the side as he thinks, but Hux knows he’s won. Hux can pronounce almost every kind of word, from the guttural to the melodic to everything in between. The only language he has struggled with is Huttese, but the Order had little interaction with those slugs anyway, so it never had the opportunity to be included as part of Imperial Slang. 

 

Then, Ren’s eyebrows jump up, and he brings his eyes to Hux’s. They glint with an amusement Hux doesn’t know the source of, considering Ren couldn’t have thought of a Huttese word in that time frame. 

 

“Say ‘aluminum’.” 

 

Hux feels his face immediately drop into a scowl. “No.” 

 

“Just say it, Hux. I said the base name; you say the metal. Everything’s fair.”

 

Hux doesn’t want things to be fair; he wants things to work in his favor. Still, with a sigh, he says, in a mutter that Ren can barely hear, “Aluminum.” 

 

“I couldn’t hear that,” Ren says, his voice overly loud. “Can you say it again?”

 

“ _Aluminum_ , Ren, fuck you.” 

 

Ren actually _laughs_ at Hux’s pronunciation. “There is no ‘ium’ in that entire word! Why do you say it like that?” 

 

“I don’t know, Ren, it’s just what everyone else says,” Hux says defensively. It’s not as if Hux is pronouncing it _incorrectly_ ; it’s only different from how Ren says it. 

 

Ren only hums in response and closes his eyes. Hux feels the blankets settle on the two of them via Ren’s Force powers, and he sighs under their weight. Though the planet may be hot during the day, it’s rather cold at night, even with someone else in the bed.

 

Now that Ren is falling asleep, his eyes closed and breathing even, Hux exhales a sigh of relief for being able to redirect Ren’s interest away from why he has never before talked about Ryoida. There were many reasons, but they all concerned a part of Hux’s past that he wants to keep hidden. Too many people knew about it back when Hux was stationed here, even though it was only two. It was two too many, in Hux’s opinion. 

 

Hux is just about to fall asleep himself when he reaches under the blankets for Ren’s hand. He pulls it to his chest and lets it sit next to him. This contact lets Hux slip into a sleep facilitated by the exhaustion of this day, his stomach calm and his mind quiet. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The problems with the X-wing outnumber any other issue Hux can conceive of on this base. For starters, an engine conduit is still snapped in half, and Hux will have to partially dismantle the split engine if he is to access the broken part. However, to dismantle the engine he has to disconnect some major hydraulic and fuel tubes that connect the wings to the cockpit controls. To do that, Hux has to remove a panel from the body of the ship to access these delicate components, which do not react well to the dirt that is blown across the runway to settle on everything, organic or mechanical. Then, Hux can finally access the engine, but since the broken conduit is in the top half of the split engine, he’ll either have to get a stepping box to work on it or sit on the slanted lower wing. Then, Hux would have to stretch up to fix this volatile problem. 

 

Hux has restrained himself from running across the runway shouting at any cadet he sees passing by, but it’s been difficult, considering that while Hux was stationed here, that’s how he treated most of the pilots who broke their ships in some incredible way Hux had never seen before. That got him another, more irritating nickname: Spitfire. 

 

Right now, Hux is taking off the panel that is directly behind the two-person cockpit, an adjustment Hux made once he ripped out the astromech droid component. This task is more difficult than what it was when he was removing the panel of a TIE fighter to access its ion engine, back aboard the _Finalizer_. For one, Hux had to pull the ship’s wings back together, a task made easier once he lubricated the joints, to even access the panel. Then, Hux had to climb up the X-wing’s ladder, climb across the cockpit window and sit on the top of its right wing with one leg dangling on the exhaust side of the engine and the other pushing into the wall to keep Hux in this awkward, uncomfortable position. Unprotected from the sun, Hux’s shoulders are drenched with sweat, and he hopes that he’ll be able to at least take a sanisteam tonight, considering Hux hadn’t felt the need to yesterday. Now, Hux wishes he had. 

 

As Hux is squinting at the wires and tubes revealed by the removal of the panel, he hears someone from below call out to him. “Hux!” 

 

“Give me five,” Hux says back. Then, before he drops the panel down from the wing, as there’s nowhere else he could put it without it being in the way, he says, “Watch your head,” and drops it to clatter against the ground noisily. Whoever is down there, still standing here after Hux requested five minutes, curses loudly at the sound. At the extra sound, Hux looks away from the exposed wiring and tubing to look at whoever is down there. 

 

Who he sees is Ren, looking rather irate, with the body panel rather close to him. He’s looking up at Hux with a scowl on his face. “What are you doing?” he asks both curiously and irately, somehow. 

 

For his answer, Hux turns away from Ren and back to the exposed inner workings of the fighter. He hones in on the tubing and clips them to prevent fluid, hydraulic or fuel, from leaking into the engine while he works. Hux has already removed the hydraulic fluid from the wing regions so that the fluid is consolidated in the main body of the ship. That’s why it was so imperative that it be easy to move the wings manually, which can be done but requires a lot of torque and little friction. He has done the same with the fuel, as it is stored mostly in the wings. Even though an X-wing has a hyperdrive-capable engine, auxiliary power and much of atmo piloting requires a liquid fuel that is highly combustible and sensitive. 

 

“Fucking hell,” Hux hears Ren mutter to himself. Hux barely hears it due to the fact that he’s trying to clip the correct tubes without accidentally severing them. What he doesn’t want to happen is to make this X-wing explode due to a nicked fuel tube and subsequent leaking. 

 

As Hux is clamping the tubes, the wind blows randomly, sending red dust into the sensitive compartments of the ship. Hux blocks it with his body as best as he can, and when dust does enter, he blows it out with well-timed puffs of air, but the weather is persistent, and Hux can’t dedicate all his time to keeping dirt out of the machine. A little bit is tolerable, Hux has learned through dealing with this planet. Too much and the ship crashes. There isn’t a healthy medium, in that respect. 

 

Hux hears someone coming up the steps to the cockpit, but dismisses the sound as his attention is fully on this complicated procedure. He can’t mess this up. Then, Hux hears someone clamber across the cockpit ungracefully. Hux still doesn’t look up from the engine, where he’s almost finished with clamping the tubes. 

 

As he clamps the last tube, a critical fuel line, someone puts a hand on Hux’s shoulder roughly and says, overly loud, “ _Hux_!” 

 

Hux startles instinctively back from the compartment, so that he doesn’t tear across the delicate components within and destroy the ship completely. However, in doing so, Hux destabilizes himself so much so that he just about slides off the curved engine and onto the ground a distance below him. Fortunately, Hux slams his left hand on the top of the engine curve with a loud thump and steadies himself, breathing hard at the unexpected lift in his stomach as his body thought he was tumbling backwards. Hux is also aided by the hand clenching into his shoulder, which he roughly shakes off and says, in a snarl to Ren above him, “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing, _dumbass_?” 

 

Ren’s hand is still awkwardly extended towards Hux, like he thinks Hux will fall again. He brings his hand back quickly to rest in his lap, as Ren is sitting crisscross above the co-pilot seat crammed behind the pilot’s seat. “What am _I_ doing?” he asks, affronted. “What I have been _doing_ is calling your name for the past couple of minutes!” 

 

“I asked you to give me five.” Hux gestures to the open compartment before turning back to Ren with his lip curled. “You could have broken the entire ship!” Ren being dealt with, Hux sharply turns back to the open compartment, where a fine coating of dust has already collected. Hux blows on the compartment gently so that it disperses elsewhere. 

 

Ren, apparently, isn’t finished. “Hux, I figured out the next number,” Ren says excitingly, quickly switching over from his prior irritation. “That’s why I’m here.”

 

With a yellow marker that Hux put on the top of the ship, Hux writes the number of clamps he used, so that he doesn’t accidently leave one on when he reattaches the panel. He puts the marker back on top of the ship, right next to Ren. “Why couldn’t you tell me tonight?” Hux says, as he shimmies onto the top hump of the engine. 

 

Ren sputters. “Because that’s why we’re _here_? To figure out the coordinates to my Master, right?”

 

That may be why Ren is here, but Hux only came because he was forced to. The red comm had said to get away from the _Finalizer_ , in a code that implied something terrible was going to happen if he didn’t. Hux had to listen to it; he had no other choice. 

 

“Yes, but right now, I’m doing this. So I need you to _wait_.”

 

Hux flips his legs to rest on either side of the engine exhaust mechanism and flips down on his stomach. Then, he inches forward so that his head dangles in front of the split engine, which is currently pulled together. Hux visually examines the intake of the engine to ensure that there is no underlying problem that would make accessing its inner conduits problematic. 

 

Unfortunately, there is a problem, as dust and other debris has accumulated in the region where the engine splits. Hux wants to curse in frustration, as he had expected this X-wing to be finished quickly, but it doesn’t look like that now. With others helping him, Hux would be able to fix the problem without hassle. However, by himself, Hux thinks it will take a lot longer with more frustration. He lifts his head and pushes his body into a seated position, already calculating if he’s going to jump down from the wing or climb over Ren to get to the ladder. 

 

As Hux is thinking about this, Ren interrupts again. Hux’s eyes narrow while his lips straighten into a thin line. He has never tolerated people interrupting him when he asked them to wait. “Hux, seriously, I need to talk to you about this,” Ren says, as if he’s the priority here and could fall apart with the barest mistake and not this X-wing.

 

All at once, Hux’s frustrations with the ship and this entire situation with Ren rise up to explode out of his throat in a sneer. “You’re not the most important thing I have to deal with right now, Ren. When I tell you to wait, you _wait_. When I tell you to speak, you can speak.” Then, in a soft hiss, Hux says, right to Ren’s open, hurt face, “And when I tell you to fuck off, you fuck off.” Hux leans in closer, so that Ren has to look down his nose at him. “So fuck. Off,” Hux finishes before turning away from Ren’s face, which looks like it’s just been punched, to slide off the engine and jump down with a thump. Hux’s knees protest at the rough landing, but this was the only way to get to the hangar where Hux needs to get the parts to suction dust out of both the open compartment and the split region of the engine. Ren wasn’t going to move, and Hux couldn’t get around him with his body blocking the way. 

 

When Hux gets back from the hangar, tools in tow but stomach still churning with undirected anger, he climbs back atop the ship to suction out the dirt that has collected itself in the open compartment. As he seats himself on the space above the secondary cockpit, he sees something written clumsily in the yellow marker he left behind. The marker itself is nowhere to be seen. 

 

Written on the ship, in bright yellow jarringly visible against the black paint, is a number. 

 

_Five_. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Days pass, and Hux has been avoiding Ren with a passion he usually dedicates to particularly problematic ships on base that he really does _not_ want to service again. When he thinks about what he said to Ren, in the blistering heat of this planet and while his ship was fighting him in every which way, Hux cringes. He was the opposite of serene in dealing with both the ship and Ren, and Hux can feel invisible eyes on his back, judging him and speaking about him in harsh whispers. So, Hux pushes away his guilt over Ren and turns back to the X-wing, where he’s reanalyzed the situation and discovered an easier way to fix the split conduit, one that is completed so quickly and easily that Hux wonders why he took the hard way. Both solutions were by the book, but Hux always has to choose the complicated route. 

 

Now, as they sit in the mess hall with Alekta, who has just returned from disciplining a group of cadets for sabotage and still has fire smoking in her eyes, and eat quietly. Alekta doesn’t bring up conversation, as she is still fuming at the fact that a group of cadets organized to deliberately sabotage some of her ships. Hux understands the sentiment, but doesn’t open up the conversation, not wanting to personally feel her ire, even if it’s not directed at him specifically. 

 

Ren is sitting at a distance from Hux, unnoticeable by Alekta but definitely seen by Hux. He’s hunched over his bowl of soup, his spoon tracing over the liquid surface with his brow furrowed. Hux hopes he’s thinking about the number five, as Hux has, but likely he is stewing in Hux’s comments to him earlier in the week. 

 

In Slang, the third number in a system of coordinates stands not for a location, but a designation. It refers to what kind of star system one is looking for, which ranges from one to five. Each number refers to a different formation period in a star’s lifetime; a five means the star Hux and Ren are looking for is a white dwarf and at the final stage of its lifetime before it deteriorates into a black dwarf, unable to emit any light and therefore unnoticeable. 

 

So, to summarize, what Hux and Ren are looking for is a star system in quadrant eight and sub-quadrant three with a white dwarf star. Unfortunately, there are numerous in the region Hux and Ren need to explore, so they will have to wait further so Ren can figure out the next number, which designates how many planets the star system has. If necessary, in case someone needs to find a specific planet within the system, the fifth number will designate the number of bodies the planet technically has, counting both itself and any of its moons. 

 

Hux wants to tell Ren this, but every time he tries to, what he said to Ren echoes through his mind in so many different voices, like this entire base is speaking to him. So, Hux doesn’t. Ren doesn’t know what Hux knows, and Hux doesn’t know what Ren knows. For now, they will have to make do with coexisting. 

 

As Hux is indulging in his avoidance, he is brought out of his thoughts by Alekta’s personal comm chiming. Hux looks up to see her face darken noticeably before he quickly looks back down at his empty plate. He waits as Alekta listens to the message, before he startles as Alekta screams, “What?” Then, after a short pause, she says, “Thank you, lieutenant, and keep this to yourself; that’s an order.” She turns to Hux with her face stern, and Hux subconsciously straightens in his seat. “Did you bring anyone else along on your trip, Hux?”

 

Hux shakes his head, unable to look away. His mind instantly goes to the red comm message, wondering if whoever sent it was compromised and the admirals have figured out, without any experience in the language at all, that Hux has come back to Ryoida, where he first flew. But Alekta’s reaction wouldn’t be like that if the admirals showed up; she doesn’t know that Hux is avoiding them at the moment. She doesn’t know that Addarus is trying to put it all on him. She only knows that Hux and Ren need to be here for a secret mission. 

 

“Not that I know of,” Hux says, deciding to rely on the confusion provoked by Alekta’s reaction to the message. Ren has looked up from his bowl of soup to stare at Hux with an indiscernible expression. 

 

“Did you turn off your pinger, before you came here?” 

 

Hux nods, even more confused because of course he turned off his pinger. He’s not an idiot. “Yes, of course.” 

 

“When _exactly_ did you turn off the pinger?”

 

Hux thinks back to the chaos of the cockpit when he and Ren were leaving the _Finalizer_. All he can remember is the din of the alarms and his anger at Ren for starting the ship when they were not ready to take off. The cabin hadn’t even been pressurized, and Hux had to deal with many critical components before he could even think about the radar signature of the _Upsilon_. 

 

Fuck. Hux didn’t turn it off within the _Finalizer_. If he had done so, then the _Upsilon’s_ radar signature would have been lost among that of the Star Destroyer’s. The ship would have been effectively invisible once they emerged from the _Finalizer’s_ own radar signature. 

 

However, due to the hectic nature of the takeoff and the need for a quick fleeing from the ship, Hux had turned off the _Upsilon’s_ pinger when it was already outside the _Finalizer’s_ radar signature. In effect, Hux had broadcast their intentions to whoever was listening in a multiple parsec radius. Anyone could have followed the ship, and many would have, considering the _Upsilon_ is really only used for the Knights of Ren or the transport of highly ranked military officers in the First Order. 

 

“When, Hux? When?” Alekta says again, this time accompanied with her hands slamming on the table in front of her. Without Hux noticing, she rose up from the table to stand and now looks down at Hux with a tense, restrained expression. On Hux’s right, Ren has turned his attention away from Hux to stare at Alekta. 

 

“I don’t know, it might have been—”

 

“Don’t you fucking lie to me, Hux,” Alekta says, her voice dangerously low. 

 

Hux can feel his heart beating in his chest and his mind urging him to run, but he pushes through this instinctual panic to blurt out, “It was off the ship!” Alekta pushes herself off the table with a scoff. “The cockpit was hectic, there was so much to deal with and I got sidetracked, I’m sorry.” 

 

“It wasn’t just him. I took off too soon,” Ren says, surprising Hux. He had thought Ren would stay out of this and most definitely not speak up for Hux. Hux has given him nothing these past couple of days. “I skipped the pre-flight.” 

 

Alekta pinches her nose with the hand not holding her comm. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. What matters is how we fix it.” She looks down at Hux, who is staring at her with his heart still galloping in his chest. “Three Resistance X-wings have followed you here. Apparently, they’re under the impression that every high ranked officer in the First Order is meeting here, most likely to discuss what to do after Starkiller. We know about it and so does one of my lieutenants, who knows how to keep his mouth shut. Now: what do we do?”

 

Ren is the one to answer, as Hux is desperately trying to keep his mind in the situation at hand and not return to incidents like this from his past, where he had to admit that it was all his fault. Ren may have taken some of the blame, but the radar signature was Hux’s responsibility, and he had failed in that. 

 

“Do you have anti-spacecraft cannons?”

 

“Yes, but we can’t both shoot them down and keep your presence here secret. They will figure out, once they obtain the cockpit voice and flight data recorders, that the Resistance followed your _Upsilon_.” 

 

“Why don’t we just wait it out? Once they see that no one is here, they’ll go.”

 

Alekta gives Ren a look that conveys her disappointment in his thinking. Hux wants to defend Ren, but he’s currently preoccupied at the moment by keeping his emotions locked away within him. This always happens in Ryoida; a loss of control, a hint of someone Hux once was, but isn’t now. Someone feral. 

 

“We have a lot of sensitive material, Knight. I can’t let the Resistance steal it from me like an opportunistic feral.” Hux flinches at the word. “Think of something else.” 

 

Hux thinks of it, provoked by Alekta’s use of that word. Ferals steal. Ferals lie. 

 

Ferals bluff. 

 

“I’ll take _Scarlet_ ,” Hux says, in a rush. “I’ll convince them to leave, tell them there’s an entire squadron of TIE fighters waiting if they don’t.”

 

Alekta is nodding at Hux’s plan, which makes the emotions rumbling in Hux’s body settle into an unnoticeable presence. “Can you do it, though? Most of our TIE’s are down, as I have told you.”

 

Hux can because he’s been lying to Alekta the entire time he and Ren have been here. It’s something Hux has always been good at. 

 

“Yes. I can do it.” 

 

“Then go. Helmets are where you remember.” 

 

Hux nods and stands from the bench, pulling Ren up with one hand as he goes. Ren follows without question as Hux walks out the door to go to his ship, where their helmets are nearby. Behind him, he can hear Alekta talking into her comm once more, fixing this issue that Hux has brought to her. Instead of shame, though, Hux feels an intense determination that accompanies him as he leads Ren to his X-wing, already planning how he is going to convince this group of Resistance scum to fuck off from this planet. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Piloting this X-wing after so many years feels like coming back to an old friend, if that old friend enjoyed bucking you around the sky like an enthused bantha. Hux has one firm hand on the joystick between his legs and is pulling it back with all his collective strength to keep the ship from pitching down. The ship is shaking dramatically, but without any sound as X-wings can be quiet if required. 

 

At this time, the ship needs to be quiet, as Hux can see three shapes forming over the horizon on the screen in front of him, the light blinding considering that the sun has set on Ryoida. They are also trying to be quiet, but just like Hux did, they either forgot to turn off their pinger or are unaware the base has the capabilities to listen, even if an X-wing turns off its signature. For the base, that was ensured after they obtained _Scarlet_ , thirteen years ago, but the technology was already located on many other First Order bases. The Resistance has never before come into First Order territory like this, excluding Starkiller of course, so perhaps they are simply unaware of the Order’s capabilities. 

 

In the back, squished into the copilot seat with his legs bent, is Ren, who hasn’t said one word, even though Hux knows he has had many opportunities to make jabs about the ship or Hux’s piloting. Ren is only quiet, likely too focused on the mission to give any thought to teasing. Hux feels the same way. 

 

Hux interrupts the silence with a quiet murmur, as if the three planes on the screen could hear him. “I’m going to listen in on their radar, just to see what they’re doing here. Ren, when I get close, I want you to try and convince the lead pilot that the Order forces here are too great for him to beat. Can you do that?” 

 

“I think so,” Ren whispers back. “Though I’ll need to see them to direct the Force.” 

 

Hux nods. He can do that quite easily. “Alright. Standby.” Then, he moves the joystick to the left, gradually flipping the ship in an aileron roll. Somehow, this ship has always flown better upside down, and Hux has never been able to figure out why. With continued thrust, the ship can fly like this for a while; however, once Hux gets close to the Resistance X-wings, he will need to turn off power if he is to glide over them undetectable. Hux is relying on Ren and his Force Powers in this endeavor. He has a backup plan, where he is the one to bluff and not Ren, but he would prefer not using that one. 

 

Now upside down, the ship flies through the Ryoidan sky quietly. No one speaks in the cockpit; Ren, as he must be meditating for this use of the Force, and Hux, who worries that this plan will fail, too. 

 

On the screen, the three ships are getting bigger as Hux and Ren come ever closer. Hux nudges his joystick forward, to take the ship up and over the X-wings in front of them. Now, if Hux is correct, they will pass unnoticed above the lead pilot in their triangular formation. They will be able to see his droid and his helmeted head, but little else. That will have to be enough for Ren. 

 

Hux looks away from the screen to look out his cockpit viewport, where the only thing visible to him is darkness illuminated by few stars. Hux flips down his helmet’s visor, as their design is based on those used during the Rebel Alliance in their fight against the Empire, and through the night vision of the eyepiece sees three yellow-tinted ships, flying in formation ever closer to the main base, where Hux had just left to circle around behind the Resistance pilots. 

 

When he sees this, Hux follows the next step in his plan, which is to shut off the engines so that they glide. Upside down, the ship won’t glide far without a major change in altitude, but Hux thinks it will be enough so that they don’t crash into the X-wings below them. Hux powers off the split engines, hearing them go from a dull murmur to silence. Hux does the same with the lights illuminating the cockpit, turning them off so that the only light visible is the stars outside the viewport. The only component still working at max capabilities is the radar, which currently feeds static into Hux’s right ear. 

 

Hux hears Ren lower his eyepiece, also taking advantage of its night vision capabilities, as they pass ever closer to the lead X-wing, who has not reacted to the presence of a fourth X-wing. The plan is working so far. 

 

_Scarlet’s_ nose passes over the end of the lead X-wing first, and there is no reaction. There is also nothing heard in the static. Hux adjusts the frequency knob, keeping one hand on the joystick to fly the ship straight and level. Already, he can feel _Scarlet_ dropping, but not so much that she’ll crash into the lead X-wing. 

 

Then, halfway down her nose, Hux hears something come in through the static. 

 

_Black Leader, are you detecting any other_ Upsilons? 

 

_Negative, Black One. BB-8’s got nothing either. Must be the distance._

 

_Copy that, Black Leader._

 

Now, _Scarlet_ is directly above the lead X-wing, which now apparently belongs to Black Leader. Hux isn’t aware of the X-wing squadrons in the Resistance, so he doesn’t know who exactly is piloting the ship. 

 

Hux glances in a mirror haphazardly glued to the upper right of the cockpit. In it, Ren has his eyes closed and his hand extended towards the X-wing below them. Hux doesn’t say anything to Ren, doesn’t ask if he knows who Black Leader is. Like Hux, Ren doesn’t like to be interrupted when he’s working. 

 

Then, Hux hears something else burst through the static. 

 

_What is it, BB-8?_

 

_…_

 

_Black Two, are you flying high?_

 

_Negative, Black Leader. On your left. Black one, is that you?_

 

Hux understands the droid’s frantic beeping quicker than the lead pilot does. Of course the pilot wouldn’t assume a fourth X-wing has been following them. He would assume that either one of his pilots is flying too high. 

 

“Shit,” Hux hisses to himself before scrambling to turn on the engines. Then, once turned on, he slams the throttle lever down to accelerate the X-wing with a roar. Behind him, Ren startles out of his Force meditation with a choked shout. As soon as Hux accelerates, the three X-wings below him scatter in three directions; the lead turns upward, the left turns to the left and the right to the right. Hux is left flying forward, with the voices of the Resistance pilots still clamoring in his ear.

 

_Poe, did someone from base follow us here?_

 

_Not that I know of, Pava. Let’s get them on radar, figure out why they followed us._

 

Hux narrows his eyes. Of course Commander Poe Dameron, one time prisoner of the First Order aboard the _Finalizer_ until rescued by that traitor stormtrooper, would come back to haunt Hux’s old base. He should have recognized him by that damn BB unit, orange and white like Ren had described to him after Dameron’s confession. 

 

However, it is strange that Dameron assumes _Scarlet_ is a Resistance ship. It is dark, so neither Dameron nor his fellow pilots can see the red insignia painted on the side of the X-wing. The Order may not employ X-wings in its fleet, but wouldn’t Dameron have noticed an X-wing following him if Hux had come from his base? Perhaps Hux could use this to his advantage; if Ren was the one to speak to Dameron, he would assume that Ren was just another X-wing pilot seeking glory and fame. There have to be thousands of undocumented X-wings left over after the Empire fell; surely, Ren could blame his ownership of this X-wing on that. 

 

“Hux, what’s happening?” Ren demands. 

 

“I’m transferring the comm to you. I need you to talk to them; they think we’re Resistance,” Hux says, speaking through Ren’s loud protests. 

 

But before Hux can transfer control to Ren’s comm, his own comm buzzes through. Somehow, the lead pilot’s voice bursts through Hux’s static.

 

“Rogue One, are you listening? This is Commander Poe Dameron, of Black Squadron.” 

 

Hux doesn’t say anything back, internally panicking on how he’s going to respond to Dameron without alerting him to the fact that he’s actually an Imperial. 

 

Dameron repeats himself. “This is Commander Poe Dameron, of Black Squadron. Can you tell me why you followed us here?” 

 

Hux inhales deeply, preparing himself for what he is about to do. He has done this in the past, but it was always in vain then. Everyone knew he was an Imperial regardless. “I am not talking,” Hux says in a stilted voice, in what he hopes is an imitation of Ren’s accent, “Unless your weapons are off.” 

 

Dameron pauses for quite a long time, obviously conferring with his pilots on a different channel than what Hux was listening to before. Hux sits there, his ship flying slowly towards the base, with one fist balled up so tightly his fingernails bite into his palm. The hand on the ship’s joystick clenches around the rubber grip. Hux can barely even breathe. Behind him, Ren says nothing, trusting that Hux will figure this out. 

 

Then, through the static, Hux hears Dameron’s voice say, “You’ve got it, Rogue One. Switch to hover; we’ll come to you.” 

 

Hux switches to hover by clicking the engine rotary switch to the right position. Scarlet immediately hovers in place. Now, they must wait for Dameron and his pilots to come to them. Hux slides his comm to rest around his neck and flips in his seat as much as he can to face Ren, who is staring at him with a horrified expression. 

 

“Ren, I need you to talk to him,” Hux hisses. 

 

“Why me?” 

 

“Because you don’t sound like a fucking Imperial that’s why!” Hux loudly whispers through the panic inching up his throat. 

 

Ren whispers back, also panicking, “I don’t know what to say either! Just say what you told Alekta, that the base has weapons they can’t beat.” 

 

“Then they’d question why we didn’t just blow them out of the sky!” 

 

Before Ren can respond to Hux’s valid point, Hux hears the static pick up from the comm around his neck. With resignation, Hux puts it back on his head and wiggles the microphone so that it angles slightly away from his mouth, like that would help disguise his accent. He looks at the screen in front of him, where the three Resistance X-wings have formed another triangle, this time in front of Hux. When Hux looks through his cockpit viewport, he can see Dameron’s silhouette, obscured by the visor and darkness. Hux hopes that Dameron can’t identify him from this distance or by his voice. 

 

“Alright, Rogue One. Let’s take this slow. Do you have a callsign you like to go by?” 

 

Where is Dameron going with this? It’s like he’s trying to talk Hux down from one of his bouts, not interrogate an unfamiliar X-wing that has followed them to a First Order base. 

 

In lieu of any other plan, Hux plays along, slipping back into his “Ren” accent. “Scarlet.” 

 

“Good! Ok, yeah, that’s good, Scarlet. What’s the reason for the name, Scarlet?” 

 

Hux is so bewildered by Dameron’s behavior that he responds, giving away a piece of information intrinsically linked with his past that he really doesn’t want to talk about with anyone, much less Poe fucking Dameron. “Me.” 

 

“Naming a plane after yourself? I can understand that,” Dameron says, his voice light. 

 

What he doesn’t understand is that Hux didn’t name the plane after himself. It was always the captain’s plane, first. 

 

Dameron continues. “What’s your reason for being here? Did you know someone in the Hosnian System?” 

 

Oh. Dameron thinks Hux is some pilot seeking revenge against the First Order for the destruction of the Hosnian System, something Hux himself orchestrated. Of course there would be people who resented the Order for Starkiller’s firing, but to fly solo to a First Order base? That seems idiotic, even by Resistance standards.

 

This whole conversation with Dameron is entirely too ironic. Enough so that Hux wants it to continue, especially because one of Dameron’s questions sparked an idea in Hux’s mind. “What’s _your_ reason for being here?” 

 

Dameron laughs. “Same as yours, I’d assume. To get these bastards back.” 

 

Hux narrows his eyes at Dameron before taking a deep breath to compose himself for what he’s about to say, in the stilted accent. “I know your plan. _Upsilons_.” Hux cringes at how he pronounced _Upsilons_. He had almost slipped back into Imperial. “There are none here; I checked.” 

 

Dameron’s voice has suddenly changed. “Hang on, Scarlet, let me get back to you,” he says before static cuts back in to fill Hux’s ear. Ren is quiet behind Hux, and Hux barely breathes. Dameron has to buy that, the fact that someone must have overheard their mission, even if it was supposed to be confidential. 

 

The static buzzes in Hux’s ear once more, alerting him that Dameron will soon speak. “What did you see?” he asks, voice quiet.

 

Hux loathes telling the workings of the Ryoida base to members of the Resistance, but he has to if he is to convince them to leave. Besides, it appears they were here for the imaginary meeting between the high ranking First Order officers. Hux tells them all he knows about Ryoida, concluding with, “It’s normal. Just another air base. TIE fighters, hangars.” 

 

“How many?”

 

“Five.”

 

“Runways?”

 

“Two.”

 

“And you saw no _Upsilons_?” Dameron asks, his voice low. “No sign that there are generals here, no admirals. You saw nothing, right?”

 

“Nothing but a base.” 

 

A new voice pitches in over the static, sounding vaguely humanoid. “He’s got the details right, Black Leader. And even close like this, I can’t see any _Upsilons_ on my screen. Neither can my droid.” 

 

“Yeah, BB-8 can’t either,” Dameron says. “All I’m getting are TIE fighters and Scarlet’s bird.” 

 

“Same here,” a feminine voice contributes. “Might have been a false lead.” 

 

“Likely, the _Upsilon_ we followed has already left from here,” the humanoid voice says. Hux cringes at the reminder that he technically led the Resistance to this base. “We’ll have to retrace its signature once more.” 

 

“Looks like it.” 

 

Then, for some strange reason, the feminine voice laughs, punching loudly through the static. “Seems like someone else completed your mission for you, Dameron. Again.”

 

“Hilarious, Pava,” Dameron responds, his voice deadpan. Hux has no idea what they’re talking about and so says nothing. “Well, looks like we’re done, thanks to Scarlet here. Let’s get off of this damn planet.” 

 

In synch, the three Resistance X-wings turn in formation to fly up away from the planet. Before the radar cuts out between them, Hux hears Dameron tell him one more thing. 

 

“Stop by Jois Esla spaceport anytime in the next week, and I’ll buy you a drink. You’ve earned it, for helping the Resistance this way. Starspeed to you, Scarlet.” Then, the connection breaks, and Hux is left sitting in the pilot’s seat, hovering over the surface of Ryoida, stunned that his plan actually worked. Those Resistance idiots actually believed him, just because he was flying an X-wing, something they recognize as being one of their own. The implications of this are astounding, as the use of an X-wing supplied by the Order could get someone into the Resistance quicker than what they have been doing in the past. 

 

“I can’t believe that worked,” Ren says in a hush, interrupting Hux’s thoughts about spies and X-wings. Then, Ren barks a laugh. “You sounded like you were congested or some shit, Hux, but he believed you!” 

 

Hux doesn’t even get angry that Ren apparently thinks his disguised voice is “congested”. He bites his lip to contain the force of his relief and elation at succeeding. “Let’s get back to Alekta and tell her the good news before she combusts,” Hux says as he clicks the rotary switch to give the X-wing equal horizontal and vertical propulsion. Then, he pushes the accelerator forward to go back to base and land, hopefully in a way that does not collapse the strut and undo all of Hux’s hard work from earlier this week. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Hux lands the ship without any problems, thank fuck. As soon as the X-wing bounces onto its struts, Hux immediately unclips himself from the seat, unlatches the cockpit hatch and pushes it upward with little effort. Then, he stands and looks at the dark base around him. Hux is still struggling to contain the emotions and thinks he might be shining with the force of it. He jumps over the cockpit side to hang there before dropping down onto the runway surface. Ren follows, somehow being more graceful in his landing even though he’s so much larger and bulkier. For some reason, this observation makes Hux want to shove Ren, so he does so, knocking into him with his shoulder. Ren knocks into Hux back, hard enough that it sends Hux stumbling. Still, even that doesn’t affect Hux’s elation at keeping Resistance scum off this base. 

 

Hux blames some of the rush he’s feeling on adrenaline, which always happens whenever he flew _Scarlet_ in the past as she shook around him and Crosser, squished in the back like Ren was, giving him tips that Hux responded to with an expletive, both in Standard and Slang, or a demand that he shut up because he needed to concentrate. 

 

As Hux and Ren get closer to the mess hall where they left Alekta, they continue shoving at each other playfully. Hux thinks that his previous comments to Ren have been forgiven or at least forgotten in the moment, so he indulges in this interaction, as they haven’t properly spoken or even looked at each other in days. 

 

Ren has an arm around Hux and is attempting to bite at his ear while Hux ducks his head out of the way, making Ren trail his mouth against the side of his face sloppily with every attempt he makes. Right before Ren reaches his ear, as Hux is tilting his head in the perfect way for Ren to bite it, he steps away, leaving Hux to stumble. When Hux turns to look at what Ren sees, his stomach plummets and a painful heat rushes out from his chest. 

 

She knows. 

 

Alekta is walking towards them with a blank expression, one Hux cannot even hope to discern beyond that she knows why Hux is really here. She knows Hux is on the run from the admirals, knows that they will try and ruin him. 

 

Ren senses the dread coming off of Hux in waves, so different from what Hux had been previously feeling. Hux can tell by the way he straightens and steps forward in front of Hux, his hand going to his belt where his lightsaber should be. However, Ren doesn’t have the saber. Still, he doesn’t move, even as Alekta gets closer. 

 

“Stand down, Knight. We just need to talk.” 

 

“That’s not what I feel from him.” 

 

“That’s not it, Ren,” Hux says, quiet through his resignation. “She’s bringing bad news about the admirals. I don’t want to hear it, but I’m not afraid.” 

 

“Red is right, Knight. I got the message right after you left in Scarlet.” Alekta turns to Hux. “I’m afraid it concerns you, Hux,” she says, in an unspoken command for Ren to leave. 

 

Ren hears the command, but turns to Hux regardless with a soft expression, asking for Hux’s permission. Hux nods at him, and Ren turns to go, walking past Alekta with a glare for good measure, which she doesn’t even acknowledge. 

 

Alekta walks up to Hux and grabs his arm, pulling him towards the X-wing. “Come on. Let’s talk over here next to _Scarlet_.” They walk over, Hux offering no resistance even though he wants to get away so terribly, focus on some other problem, like the one he just fixed with the Resistance X-wings. 

 

“Before you say anything, I hope you know I understand why you didn’t say anything about the admirals. Who knows who you could trust in the Order, with the admirals on your six?” 

 

“What?” 

 

Alekta ignores Hux’s confused question. “What I need now is for you to tell me what happened on the _Finalizer_.” Hux opens his mouth to ask how she knows when she interrupts him. “You’re not as good a liar as you think, Hux. And I knew you when you were younger and even more terrible at it. So I knew immediately when you landed that you were running from something beyond Starkiller, beyond what I know.”

 

“How?” 

 

“You’ve always been running from something, Hux, be it a ship you don’t like or the thought that your captain may never come back to you or the admirals’ rage at Starkiller’s destruction. That’s all your generation has ever known: running, from one port to the next, always looking for something.” 

 

“I got a message on the red comm,” Hux says, feeling suddenly tired. “It told me to run, but it wasn’t in Standard. It was in Slang, so I had to go.” Hux knows Alekta understands this phenomenon better than most of the older generation of Imperials, which is why he tells her. 

 

“That’s why you had to depart from the ship so fast,” Alekta says, understanding the truth now that Hux actually gives it. “That’s how the Resistance found my base. You were too caught up in fleeing; the Slang made you skittish.” 

 

Hux crosses his arms and hunches into himself. He doesn’t want to admit that he ran, like a coward, but he did. “What does the message say?” Hux asks, just to get it over with. 

 

“We have an admiral requesting permission to land. Says he’s here for ‘classified business’, but I knew immediately what or more specifically _who_ he was seeking.” Alekta takes a step forward, and Hux hunches further into himself. “Hux, he’s looking for you.” 

 

This is when Hux realizes that the message he received on the red comm wasn’t for his safety. It was so the admirals would know exactly where to find him when they needed to make a scapegoat out of him. But why not keep him on the _Finalizer_ then? He would never have left his ship unless commanded or spurned into doing so by an instinctual fear. A Star Destroyer meant safety, and Hux would have stayed onboard even if she crashed into that molten planet.

 

Oh. Of course. Hux suddenly feels very small. 

 

“Did they take her?” Hux says, his voice choked with a profound sadness he’s trying desperately to repress. Alekta has seen too many of Hux’s breakdowns when he was younger and fresh out of the Academy to deal with them now, after he left Ryoida. Hux doesn’t want to show this side of him again, one who is falling apart with every small mistake.

 

Alekta shakes her head, but she looks at Hux with pity. Hux closes his eyes to try and suppress the heart wrenching ache he feels knowing that the _Finalizer_ was taken from him. His eyes burn, but he doesn’t open them, doesn’t want to look Alekta in the eye as he once again collapses in front of her like a ship slamming into the ground. 

 

“I’ve always hated your father, you know that?”

 

Hux opens his eyes, and traitorously, a couple of tears slide down his cheeks. He hopes Alekta can’t see them through the darkness. As Hux looks at her though, he can see her clearly, so she must be able to see him, too. “What?” he asks, his voice shaking. 

 

“Yes. Hated him, from the moment he stepped onto the ship I was stationed on when I was twenty-two. I can still remember my lip curling when I saw him, disgusted by his presence aboard the Destroyer.” Curiously, Alekta huffs a laugh, smiling in an uncharacteristic way of hers. “But then we saw something far behind him, exiting down the shuttle ramp. Actually, Lieutenant Dvat saw you first and exclaimed, in a voice that quite literally carried across the hangar, ‘Look at the little red!’. I bet you don’t even remember visiting that specific Destroyer, Hux, considering you couldn’t have been more than four. You were so very small.” 

 

Hux doesn’t understand where Alekta is going with this, but nods anyway. By focusing on Alekta’s voice, Hux has managed to suppress his emotions for the time being, to be dealt with at a better time. “I spent my entire childhood on Star Destroyers once I was four. But I don’t remember that time.” 

 

“Well, I do, and so does every other flight engineer crammed onto the hangar that day. You wouldn’t take a step without looking at everything around you, the high ceiling, the ships, the people looking back at you. We all wanted you to stay, wanted to tell you about our Destroyer like we did to children when the Empire was in power, but your father ordered you to him, like you were already a fucking soldier.” Alekta sighs, calming herself from the strong emotion that touches this memory, one that Hux can’t even remember. “Still, we all knew you’d be one of us, one day.” 

 

One day. Hux tightens his arms around himself, holding onto that phrase and what it means. It may have been a phrase of the captain’s first, but Hux had said it enough to himself, huddled against a hangar wall after a ship he serviced crashed, that Alekta picked up on it, too. 

 

Alekta reaches into her pocket, and Hux looks at the movement lethargically. She pulls out something in a closed fist. With her other hand, Alekta grabs Hux’s hand and pulls it away from his body. Then, she puts whatever object she pulled out into Hux’s palm before closing Hux’s fingers around it. She removes her hands, to let Hux open his own and see what Alekta has given him. What he sees makes him inhale sharply and look up, back at Alekta who looks at him with the same sharp eyes, the same as they were more than a decade ago. 

 

“Why?” Hux asks, as that’s the only thing he can ask when given something like this. 

 

“Because that’s what you know best.”

 

“But I failed,” Hux says, in quiet revelation, addressed to the hand. He closes his hand into a fist, crushing the speeder keys to dig sharply into his hand. Hux can’t believe that Ren took his own failure better than Hux had; he may have destroyed a monitoring room when he failed. Hux hadn’t even accepted that he had failed. Like everything else, he had avoided the problem, gone to a different one, one that he could actually fix. “It was my fault that Starkiller failed, that the _Finalizer_ is dead, that those Resistance pilots came to this base. It was me.” 

 

Alekta shakes her head, and when Hux looks back at her, he can see the age that has taken to her face like the dust from this planet. “It was everyone’s fault, Hux, but especially ours.” Somehow, Hux gets the impression that Alekta is not referring to herself and Hux, but instead to a greater collective, one that Hux can’t identify. 

 

“Where will I go?” 

 

“The Knight spoke of the Force, when you first landed here. I’d say you go there.” 

 

Hux wasn’t quite asking where he should go after Ryoida, as he already knows that’s where he and Ren will be taken next, in the _Upsilon_ that sits in the desert far away from the base. He wants to know where he’ll go, if the admirals are condemning him like this. 

 

Snoke. Hux will have to go to Snoke, beg him on his knees for forgiveness. He has to believe that the admirals are still acting apart from Snoke’s will, even as they take his ship and exile him once again from a place he thought of as home. Ren said these were coordinates to Snoke and that this is a test for both of them. Hux believes that so strongly. 

 

Alekta sees the resolve growing in Hux’s eyes and slaps him on the arm. “Good, Hux. Good. Now get out of here, before that admiral gets tired of waiting.” 

 

“How can I repay you?” 

 

Alekta's response is to tilt her head back and laugh up at the stars glittering above them. Hux stares at her, wondering what was so humorous about what he just said, until she looks back at Hux, her eyes glittering with both mirth and resolve, and says, “What are you still doing here, Red? Get that boy and go, get off this base and live!” 

 

Hux nods and turns to run to the hangar back to where Ren has to be. The keys of the speeder dig into his palm as he runs, once again, away from the revelations about his ship and the admirals. What he focuses on now is Ren and the Force, still waiting for him. In his head, a memory surfaces, echoing like a sonic boom. What Hux hears is a deep, rolling voice that says to him: 

 

_Look to the west. Do you see the ships skating across the sky, illuminated by the setting sun? That is where you will be soon, flying free among them, when one day comes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much stuff happened here that I just don't even know what to comment on. All I can say is: I am so happy I brought along Poe Dameron in this story because I love him dearly 
> 
>  
> 
> To be honest, y'all, I'm writing these end notes at 12:42 AM, and I am rather exhausted. If you have any questions about the science used in this chapter, do message me here or on tumblr
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter should be up this Friday, as long as I'm not a bitchass liar again. I'll keep y'all updated~*~
> 
>  


	7. Serenity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the crossroads, Hux and Ren determine how they are going to react to the fallout from Starkiller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you all for being so patient with me as I struggled to get this chapter out! 
> 
> Thank you to all who read, hit kudos and left comments on chapter 6!! :D they make my heart dance~*~
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

\-------------------------------------------------------

 

The message stops. Hux lifts his finger off the comm button and presses it down. With a hiss of static, the message plays again. Every time the message repeats, Hux tries to convince himself that what he hears has to be impossible, that it's a lie meant to disorient him further. It has to be a lie; it wasn't supposed to be like this. 

 

The message stops. Hux lifts his finger off the comm button and presses it down. With a hiss of static, the message plays again. 

 

Convincing Ren that they needed to leave had been easy, considering Ren had wanted to leave ever since he figured out the next number. They had both been seized by a manic energy as they collected their belongings and ran down the runway to where the speeder was parked. Running down a Ryoida runway is not new to Hux, but it's strange that he's not running to something in front of him but rather something he wants to keep far behind. 

 

Hux had been tugging Ren behind, as somehow Hux was running faster than him. Perhaps Hux had finally gotten used to the dry air of Ryoida, just in time for him to leave it once more. Their hands gripped the other so tightly that by the time they reached the speeder, Hux had little feeling in his left hand. 

 

The message stops. Hux lifts his finger off the comm button and presses it down. With a hiss of static, the message plays again. 

 

Hux had left the speeder parked a distance from the _Upsilon_ , so that any shear from takeoff wouldn’t knock the speeder over and potentially damage it. Hux also doesn't want to leave any sign of the _Upsilon_ on base, just in case the admiral in orbit looks beyond the base, further than the Resistance X-wings had looked. Hopefully, the admiral, whoever they are though Hux has his suspicions about their identity, won't see the _Upsilon's_ takeoff either. Perhaps Alekta will draw the admiral's attention away from this section of Ryoida. 

 

Starting the ship was also easy. Hux and Ren worked in tandem, without panic but still efficient, to get the ship ready. Hux deliberately turned off the ship's radar first to ensure no one would follow them this time. After a quick preflight, where Hux plugged in the closest white dwarf star system, Ren gripped the throttle toggles and eased them forward, starting the _Upsilon's_ engines with a roar. Through the viewport, Ryoida's red dust blew against the viewport, covering it with even more red dust. Hux watched it, mesmerized, as Ren pulled the ship up and away from the planet. The ship barely shook as it broke atmosphere and orbit, to drift undirected through the space around Ryoida. Hux looked away from the viewport. He couldn't see Ryoida anymore. 

 

The message stops. Hux lifts his finger off the comm button and presses it down. With a hiss of static, the message plays again. 

 

_"Hyperdrive?"_

 

_"On standby."_

 

Ren wrapped his hand on the left hyperdrive levers, Hux on the right. After a countdown by Ren, they pushed the levers down, engaging the hyperdrive and slipping the ship into the in between. Hux had stared at it, still feeling that manic energy from Ryoida coursing through his body. When Ren had not said anything for some time, Hux looked away from the viewport, now displaying those familiar, enticing star streaks, to look at Ren. 

 

Ren wasn't looking back. Instead, his eyes were closed, deep in what Hux assumed was meditation. Ren's breathing was slow and deep, repetitive like the hum of the hyperdrive engine Hux can hear ever so faintly. Hux nodded once and unclipped himself from his seat, leaving Ren in the cockpit to meditate on the coordinates to Snoke. He doesn't need Hux right now. 

 

The message stops. Hux lifts his finger off the comm button and presses it down. With a hiss of static, the message plays again. 

 

Hux had gone to the main quarters onboard the _Upsilon_ , where he and Ren had slept in the journey from the _Finalizer_ to Ryoida. Ren's robes are still in a pile on the bed; Hux's uniform is still folded in the corner. On the bedside table, Ren had placed his grandfather's helmet, probably when Hux was standing by the exit door of the _Upsilon_ and bracing himself to return to Ryoida. The charred and disfigured helmet stared at Hux, and Hux wondered whether or not Ren needed the helmet for his meditations. He had said before the helmet helped direct him; perhaps he would need it again. 

 

Hux walked over to the helmet, about to pick it up and take it to Ren when he stopped. Ren would have brought it with him if he needed it; he knows the Force better than Hux ever could. With a final look into the helmet's greying visage, Hux turned to his personal comm, also sitting on the end table, which he had accidentally left onboard the _Upsilon_.

 

Perhaps not so accidentally. The message stops. Hux lifts his finger off the comm button and presses it down. With a hiss of static, the message plays again.

 

Hux had first heard the message standing in that room, still covered in Ryoida's dust and his hands still stinging from the work he had done on _Scarlet_. He looked down with confusion at his hand holding the comm in a tight grip. Then, as the message repeated, Hux looked away from it, his face perfectly blank, and walked over to his suitcase, still open in the corner of the room. The manic energy, present since Alekta told him to run, vanished to be replaced by an encompassing nothingness, so familiar to Hux now.

 

Hux bent down, the comm still clutched in his hand, his dirt-encrusted fingernails so red against it, and with his free hand grabbed the neck of the whisky bottle, concealed under some random fabric, which he had packed for something just like this. 

 

Somehow, even before he returned to Ryoida, Hux knew he would need this. He could never predict this specific message, but knew regardless something would happen that required it. Events like this and reactions like this always happen on Ryoida. 

 

Now, Hux sits curled up in the main compartment of the _Upsilon_ , against the wall where he can hear the engines hum continuously against his side. The whisky bottle, enough missing to dull what Hux is feeling but still very full, is corked and discarded to the side. The comm is still clutched in Hux's hand as he listens to it. His other hand slowly traces the textured wall of the shuttle. Just on the other side is hyperspace. There's not much separating Hux from that void. 

 

The message stops, but Hux does not replay it. He's heard it enough; he knows what it means. 

 

Poor Lieutenant Mitaka. Having to deal with all of Hux's shit. Like so many who came before him. 

 

Like Alekta. Hux drops the comm, which lands on the floor almost silently, to wrap his arm around his legs pulled up to his chest. His hand continues to trace the shuttle, its motion unnoticed by Hux. She did not have to protect him like that. She should have turned him over to whatever admiral came to retrieve him, if only to keep her from punishment. If anyone deserves nothing of the sort, it's Alekta. 

 

Hux's stomach hurts. He shouldn't have drunk all that whiskey on an empty stomach. Still, Hux couldn't choke down whatever he had in his suitcase, knowing what he has done.

 

From the cockpit every so often, Hux hears Ren growl in frustration as he inputs coordinate after coordinate. The _Upsilon's_ star chart is vague in this quadrant, listing few known star systems, so Hux thinks Ren has had to rely on the Force to direct him like a compass. Every time the _Upsilon_ jumps out of and back into hyperspace, Hux can feel it against his side. The engines hum differently with every drop, telling Hux that no, Ren has not found his Master yet. The search will have to continue. 

 

Port to port, always looking for something. That's what Alekta had said to Hux. Right now, he understands why she said that. The ship goes from system to system, and Ren searches for his Master who speaks in his mind so vaguely. Ren doesn't know what he looks for, but he looks for it regardless. 

 

That's why Hux doesn't go back to the cockpit; Ren is focused on something else right now. When Ren is finished with the Force, he'll come back to Hux. He always does, just as Hux does to him. That fact is what Hux relies on now; the whiskey only helps him get to that point. 

 

Until Ren does come back, Hux closes his eyes, slipping back to a memory just like this one, when all at once, Hux's failures struck him like a slap across the face. He had been sitting against a wall like this, except the humming had been replaced by engines that screeched above him randomly. The floor had been warm, not cold, and the air was hot and dry. Though the surroundings were different, Hux has lived this moment many times before.

 

_"I thought they busted all the juniors for alcohol."_

 

_Hux doesn't say anything back. He sits against a hangar wall, hunched over himself but still visible by the light of the setting sun just outside the open hangar doors. Around him, Imperial fighters are lined up all in a row, their noses pointed outwards in preparation for their journey back into battle. Most have snapped landing gear and are supported by jacks or whatever Hux and his fellow flight engineers could get their hands on._

 

_In front of Hux, what draws his attention from whoever just spoke to him, is a fighter that is almost completely destroyed. Even though Hux knew it was in vain, a group on base had gone out to where this ship crashed, loaded its parts onto their hovers and driven it back. Hux wasn't part of the team to arrange the broken parts of the ship into their old configuration. This is his first time seeing what happened to this fighter._

 

_"Hux?"_

 

_It looks smaller, broken apart like this. Hux's eyes slide over the frame of the ship to rest on its left wing.. Alekta doesn't know it yet, but this is where it failed._

 

_"This is my fault," Hux says to the fighter, so quietly that it can barely be heard over the whine of engines just outside the hangar. They must be landing for the night, preparing for the training of instrument piloting tonight._

 

_Even as Hux says this, he feels no fear, like he did the first time something went wrong on Ryoida. It had been a fighter's front landing gear, which upon the pilot's landing broke and slammed the nose straight into the ground, showering the runway with sparks that thankfully did not ignite the ship. Thinking back on it, Hux wonders why he reacted the way he did, why he avoided Alekta and distanced himself from the incident. When Alekta had found out, she had been livid, pulling Hux into her office with a tight grip on his arm. But then, upon Hux's reaction to her rage, her expression had changed, softening to something Hux had never seen in her before._

 

_Hux hears the person next to him sigh. Then, he hears them sit on the hangar floor next to him, emitting an even louder sigh. "Here, give me that," the voice says before trying to take the bottle from Hux's loose grip._

 

_On feeling someone grab the bottle from his hand, Hux tightens his grip and yanks it toward himself, turning to face whoever is taking something from him with a glare._

 

_Hux's glare softens into surprise, and his grip on his bottle loosens so that the man next to him can take it gently. The man sets it to the side, giving Hux his back for a brief second, before he turns back to look at Hux. The setting sunlight draws shadows on his face, distorting his appearance, but Hux knows who this is._

 

 _"I didn't see you come back," Hux says, his voice still choked with surprise._

 

_"Well, you weren't at the hill when I flew over. If you were, you'd have known."_

 

_Hux pulls himself away from the smashed fighter in front of him to turn and face Captain Christopher "Crosser" Pollock. He looks tired, as he always does after these missions, but his eyes still gleam from whatever battle be just returned from. He still has his flight suit on, though it is unzipped and tied around his waist, revealing the undershirt he wears underneath. His mismatched dog tags hang outside his shirt._

 

_Hux thinks back to what Crosser told him before their squadron left. This is the day he was supposed to return to Ryoida; Hux had forgotten, so consumed was he by the fighter crash that happened earlier this morning. Hux regrets not seeing Crosser fly in. He’s always on the second right position from the lead ship, every single time._

 

_"How'd the battle go?" Hux asks, nonchalantly in an attempt to mask his curiosity. Not a lot happens on Ryoida besides ships crashing and standing, marching, working or sitting around in the heat. When the pilots come back is when the real excitement begins, where ground crews sit around and on top of tables and listen to whoever is speaking. Often, the pilots will stand on the tables themselves, gesturing broadly as if they are giving a speech fit for the Emperor._

 

_Unfortunately, Hux's attempt at nonchalance doesn't work. "You know the rules, Hux," Crosser says, enjoying this torment of Hux even while they look over at a crushed fighter. "You have to wait till dinner, when all the other grounds crews can hear it."_

 

_Hux scrunches his nose. "You're the absolute worst," Hux says, right to his technical superior's face._

 

_Crosser's mouth splits in a grin, showing Hux where he had lost a tooth in a crash a year ago. For some reason, he hasn't gotten it replaced, even though he could fly out to a Destroyer anytime for a replacement. "Fuck, every time I fly out I forget how insubordinate you are."_

 

_Hux feels his face brighten underneath the coating of dust already on his face. "I am not insubordinate," Hux says indignantly._

 

_"You're not the superior here, lieutenant. I think I know an insubordinate officer when I see one."_

 

_Hux can't hold back his snort at that. Crosser laughs at himself, too, something that carries further than Hux's own amusement. Then, once the amusement quiets down, Crosser turns to face what's left of the fighter. He can't hold back his wince, and Hux shrinks into himself at the reminder of what happened earlier this morning._

 

_"Well," Crosser begins. "What happened to this bird?"_

 

_“What didn’t happen,” Hux mutters under his breath._

 

_“That’s not an answer, Scarlet,” Crosser says, nudging Hux with a shoulder. “Tell me what made this fighter go down.”_

 

_Right now, in this conversation in this hangar, their ranks don’t matter. Crosser may be a captain and Hux only a lieutenant, but there are no orders here. There are only requests. Still, Hux feels just as compelled to answer as when Alekta asks him something._

 

 _Hux points at the piece he had been looking at earlier, the broken spar that would have run the length of the wing. “There. That’s what happened,” he says before dropping his hand back into his lap. Crosser should understand that; he’s no engineer, but he’s a pilot. Pilots always know their ships, inside and out._

 

_Crosser looks at where Hux pointed. He hums before saying matter-of-factly, “Yeah, no. That wasn’t your fault.”_

 

_Hux sputters and turns to look at him, his eyes furrowed in confusion. “Yes. It was. I should have spotted it.”_

 

_“Not with what you were given,” Crosser says. “You couldn’t have spotted a deformation like that with the time you had and the materials you were given.”_

 

_“But I did what I was supposed to! I know the breaking stress of aluminum, know the visual signs to look for, know these ships are getting older, but fuck I still didn’t see it!” Hux says, becoming increasingly agitated._

 

_“Looks like the ship’s not the only thing under a lot of stress,” Crosser says, under his breath. Hux turns to glare at him, and Crosser looks back at him, his eyebrows raised. “Calm down. And believe me when I say it wasn’t your fault.”_

 

_Then whose fault was it? Hux had been the last person to service the ship, the one to give it flying clearance. The ship failed because of a maintenance issue, and that was Hux’s responsibility. Hux looks back to the fighter, back to that fucking spar that caused all of this._

 

_“Look, Scarlet,” Crosser begins, looking at the smashed fighter beside Hux, who does the same. “Sometimes, shit just breaks, and you’ll have no fucking clue how or why. That’s how ships are sometimes. You can’t blame yourself for everything these machines throw at you.”_

 

_It’s so very easy to though. Hux sighs and tilts his head to rest on Crosser’s shoulder. He can really feel the alcohol hitting him now, as he hasn’t eaten for a while, and Hux has never had a tolerance for it anyway. The dizziness has begun, and Hux’s face falls so that his mouth presses against Crosser’s collarbone. He reaches up with a hand to cradle Hux’s head, so that it doesn’t fall from his shoulder._

 

_“I hate these fucking ships,” Hux mutters against Crosser’s shirt._

 

_Hux can feel Crosser’s shoulder bounce once with a repressed laugh before he says back, “I know, Hux. They are absolute shit. But you’ll be free of them, one day.”_

 

_“When one day comes, I’m fucking leaving,” Hux says, in what he thinks is a profound declaration. “I’m going back to a Destroyer, I swear to fuck. I’m done with planets.”_

 

_Crosser laughs for real this time, and it jostles Hux’s head. He groans at the motion. Crosser stops upon hearing that, not wanting vomit on his flight suit and a panicking Hux beside him. “I wouldn’t promise yourself that, Hux. You’ll want to come back, just like I always do when a mission runs over.”_

 

_Hux doesn’t respond to that, as he is actually wondering if he’ll ever come back to Ryoida once he leaves. Right now, there are only two people here for him, and Hux thinks they would want him to get off planet and back in the command track aboard a Star Destroyer. They wouldn't be trapped here, away from Hux, either; both have the means to leave the planet and surely they would want to? And once Hux is aboard a Star Destroyer, he doesn't think he'll ever want to leave again. Star Destroyers mean safety, something Crosser will never understand, not like Hux and his classmates do._

 

_Even as Hux denies Crosser’s declaration, he still believes that one day, when Hux’s mission runs over, he will return to Ryoida. Right now, though, sitting in a hangar with a smashed fighter in front of him and the feeling of failure still hot in his stomach, Hux can’t picture himself ever wanting to come back._

 

Sitting on the floor of a _Upsilon_ shuttle, Hux feels an intense desire to return to Ryoida, where everything was quiet and his problems were so much less than they are on this shuttle. Before he had been interrupted by Alekta’s bad news, even as he fought with Ren, Hux felt a peace he hadn’t felt for some time, perhaps before the Starkiller project began. 

 

Fuck. Fuck but Hux wants to go back. He feels it like an ache in his stomach, like a hand gripping the organ in a hold that extends far beyond hunger pains. It’s such a physical hurt that Hux closes his eyes and hunches further onto himself, trying to stop his stomach from shrinking into itself. He mourns this exile even more than all the ones that came before this one, from Arkanis to a Destroyer to port after port after bloody fucking port. Why won’t they let him stay in one place for more than one fucking week? Why does he have to go, why is he hunted across the galaxy like some kind of beast? Why don’t they just leave him alone, after all they have done, after all that Hux has done to them? Why won’t they just _stop_?

 

“Hux?”

 

What does he have to do? They didn't stop with the Death Star. They didn’t stop with Starkiller. Now, there is no Starkiller, he has no ship, he has nothing. 

 

“What are you doing?" 

 

Hux opens his eyes to stare unblinkingly at the shuttle floor. What has Hux done? He has left behind a neutron star instead of a base, a broken hunk of durasteel instead of a powerful, glorious Destroyer, a commander and lieutenant who will surely die for him. And now, with this message, still given to Hux under some remaining loyalty, it condemns the lieutenant even further. Hux cannot even think of Alekta in this moment; right now, with the admiral surely on base, her fate is in another's vengeful hands.

 

Hux will not recover from this. The admirals condemn him, his ship taken and his temporary respite from all this mess shattered by the fucking Resistance, even after the destruction of the Hosnian system. And now, with this message...

 

Hux hears someone crouch down in front of him, but he does not look away from where he stares. Like the wall against his side, the floor is also textured. Hux lifts his hand off the wall to trace the floor in front of his feet. He can only barely reach the surface and skims his fingertips across the surface. This reminds him of tracing Ren’s skin, for some strange reason. Perhaps because the floor feels like it has scars; Ren has had scars since Hux first met him, all those years ago when he had just left Ryoida and was still, like Alekta said, looking for something. 

 

“I’m going to touch you now. Is that alright?”

 

Strange. Ren is talking to Hux like Hux talks to him, when his bouts are more subdued than angered. The depressed spells are not often, but they hit Ren with the same degree of effectiveness as his angered ones. Often, Hux wishes he would destroy the ship rather than himself, but doesn’t tell Ren that. A comment like that would just be permission to destroy the ship anyway; the _Finalizer_ can take a lot, but she deserves respect that a lightsaber does not give.

 

Hux nods in answer to Ren’s question. This is what he wanted, wasn’t it? After Ren was finished with the Force and found Snoke. However, when Hux listens to the hum of the engines, they don’t sound like the hyperdrive is engaged. It seems like Ren stopped looking for some reason, stopped going from system to system searching for Snoke. How strange. 

 

After stalling for quite some time, Ren finally lowers his hand to rest gently on Hux’s forearm with such a light pressure that Hux can barely feel it. Usually Ren grips so tightly that it leaves bruises, though they aren’t unwelcome. It’s rare that he has the ability to be gentle like this. Considering what Hux heard earlier from the cockpit, this calmness in the wake of such frustration must have been difficult to muster. 

 

Ren runs his hand up and down Hux's arm in a repetitive motion. The movement rubs his shirt sleeve into his skin, creating a distracting sensation that pulls Hux from his thoughts to the situation at hand. 

 

"This is all my fault," Hux says to the floor, very quietly. 

 

"What is?" 

 

Hux unwraps his arm from around his legs and throws his hand up, hoping it conveys the message. The movement jostles Ren's hand from its tenuous motion up and down Hux's arm. Ren is quick to replace his hand, grabbing onto Hux’s arm in a tighter grip than before, but one that Hux could easily shake off. 

 

They sit there in silence, listening to the hum of the ship, until Hux sighs deeply. He doesn't say anything beyond that, still hoping that Ren will pick up on what Hux is thinking and understand. 

 

"Alright," Ren says. Hux doesn't say anything back, staring at the floor with half-lidded eyes, trying to not sway where he sits. "What did you do, exactly?" 

 

Hux sharply turns away from the floor to stare at Ren with anger burning in his eyes. Ren's face is strangely confused when he should obviously know what Hux has done, especially since he has the Force and contact with Snoke. "It was my fault, Ren! It was my fault everything went to shit, that the base is gone, the _Finalizer_ gone, us stuck in this _Upsilon_ going fuck knows where!"

 

"How is it your fault that the admirals took your ship?" Hearing this fact again makes Hux cringe with the sudden rush of grief. Telling it to Ren had been quite easy, for an odd reason. It felt like giving just another report to his officers in some conference room aboard the _Finalizer_. 

 

Ren had not treated Hux's news like that. He had never treated the Destroyer as Hux does; he does not revere her to the same extent as Hux. Still, his reaction had been violently emotive, if only because he knows what she means to Hux. It had taken all of Hux's sudden strength, given to him by Alekta's decision to let him go, to convince Ren not to tear off after the _Finalizer_. 

 

_"I'll kill them for this, Hux. I promise you that. They'll die for what they've done to you."_

 

_"You can't take her back alone, not with just one shuttle. The ship may not have all of her weapons, but she has enough."_

 

_"They don't have the Force, but I do. I'll make them listen. I'll make her weapons cease to fire. Then, we'll walk onboard, unopposed, and make them beg."_

 

_"Do you think you can stop a Star Destroyer? With just the Force? She's far stronger than that. A machine on her scale can never be manipulated by the Force; even I know that."_

 

"Tell me, Hux. How was it your fault?"

 

"Because I never should have left in the first place! I should have stayed onboard, ignored the message, let you chase those numbers on your own. I shouldn't have let Starkiller be destroyed, should have never let that Stormtrooper escape, should have retrieved that fucking map on Jakku at the very start." With every phrase, Hux's voice gets more agitated, louder like he's giving a speech on Starkiller's stage again. 

 

"I should have helped you get the droid back on Jakku. I should have taken the droid off Takodana and left the girl. I should have left more than one Stormtrooper with her. I shouldn't have stalled with my..." Ren pauses here and takes a deep, shuddering breath. "With my father. I should have went for the charges first, my personal interests second. And I shouldn't have been defeated by the scavenger. I should have done so many things differently, Hux, but I didn't." 

 

"Fuck, it's not a contest, Ren," Hux mutters, unable to help himself. He feels so tired all of a sudden. 

 

That makes Ren snort. "Look, I've fucked up so many times I've lost count. But I'm still here, right?" Ren grabs Hux's hand and puts it on his chest, where Hux can feel his heart beating repetitively, like a march on a Ryoidan parade field. "If I can survive all of this, so can you. I know you can survive. I've felt it." 

 

Hux looks at his hand resting on Ren's chest. The paleness of his hand contrasts sharply with the black fabric, but the red Ryoidan dust still present on Hux's skin makes the distinction less rigid. Even if Hux washed off the dust, he still thinks that his hand would be freckled from his short time on Ryoida. 

 

"I don't know if this will help, but I don't blame you. For any of it."

 

Isn't recognizing failure the same as assigning blame? Hux has never heard anything differently, not since Ryoida and that planet always felt separate from other matters. "Why?"

 

"Because you didn't. Because when I woke up in medbay, after everything that happened, you didn't blame me for it. For anything that happened. Even though you could have." Ren sighs and takes Hux's hand in his, holding it as he moves to sit beside Hux. He leans against the wall as Hux does. Hux turns with him to face the opposite wall of the shuttle, his legs crossed. Against his back, he can feel the hum of the dark matter engines. 

 

Ren has not let go of Hux's hand. "I know it was said to comfort me. I know it wasn't the absolute truth. But I didn't need the absolute truth. I couldn't hear that I failed in the medbay. I would have destroyed myself."

 

Hux picks up on something Ren has just said, but likely not what Ren wanted him to notice. "I did blame you for one thing. Getting the girl instead of the droid." Hux looks down at his lap and says to it, "That was incredibly stupid." 

 

Ren winces next to him. "Yes, that was entirely my fault."

 

"Why did you even do that?" Hux asks incredulously. He has never had the opportunity to ask Ren about the events leading to Starkiller's destruction; the fallout from the base's destruction required their full attention. Like so many times before, they had both simply pushed it to the side, to be dealt with later. 

 

"She has the Force. It distracted me." 

 

"Doesn't it always do that?" Hux mutters to himself. Ren elbows him in response, though gently. 

 

"This isn't about me right now. This is about you and what you're feeling. Tell me."

 

Hux looks down, unable to look Ren in the eyes for this admission. It still hurts to say, but admitting it to Alekta on Ryoida helped. At least Hux has stopped running from his failures and has recognized them for what they are. "I failed. So terribly. I've admitted it, and I know it now." 

 

Ren nods his head. "And so did I. But like I said, I'm still here." Ren squeezes Hux's hand. 

 

"It feels like everything good in my life has been taken from me," Hux finally admits. "When I fail like this, I feel it even more. I think someone is going to to steal something else from me, as punishment for what I did." 

 

Ren tugs on Hux's hand. "Come here," he says, pulling Hux's arm so hard that Hux has to follow. Ren pulls him into his lap, so that Hux's back rests against Ren's chest. Hux can no longer hear the humming of the engines, but can now hear the repetitive thump of Ren's heart, feel the slow, deep breaths rising out of his chest to press against his chest. Hux relaxes back as Ren tightens his grip around him and draws his knees up. In this position, Hux should feel stifled but instead feels well-protected, like everything fighting against him will have to get through Ren first. And Hux knows what happens when Ren is standing in the way.

 

"I still think you'll be taken from me too, somehow," Hux says as he traces some faint scarring on Ren’s arm. 

 

"Not me," Ren says before he lowers his face to rest his lips on Hux's cheek. He kisses it, breathing hotly against Hux's face. Hux closes his eyes, feeling suddenly like whatever he is feeling cannot be contained in his body. "Never me. You didn't leave me, and I won't. Ever." 

 

"Even if they blame me?" Hux asks very quietly. "Even if they hunt me across the galaxy?" 

 

Ren shakes his head. "They can try, but they know the truth. This is more than one person. More than you and me. They need to see that." His tone turns menacing. "If they don't, I'll make them see." 

 

"They will never see it," Hux says bitterly. "They will never admit that they had any influence in this mess. They would rather condemn the one person who did anything fucking right."

 

"They won't see it because they're weak," Ren simply says. "Because they can't handle the truth behind Starkiller, like you and I can. “He buries his face in Hux's shoulder after that declaration. His hair and breath tickle at Hux's exposed skin, both on his shoulder and his neck.

 

The truth. Ren still doesn't know the entirety of it; he doesn’t know about the message, like Hux does. Hux fears that in telling Ren about the message he has received, all of Ren's promises to him will be taken away. Like everything else. 

 

But Hux is tired. He's tired of running away from whatever he doesn't want to deal with. He's tired of lying to himself and to everyone around him. He's admitted his mistakes to both Alekta and Ren. Ren deserves to know what Hux knows, even though Hux cannot bear to speak it. This will change everything Ren has just told him, might turn Ren against him, but if Hux is to have any faith in Ren and his promises, then Ren needs to know the truth. 

 

It's only the playback of the message, the subsequent translation. It will be easy to make it dispassionate, like the telling of the _Finalizer's_ fate. 

 

"Ren," Hux begins, in lieu of anything else to say. 

 

Ren hums in response, his face still buried in Hux's shoulder. 

 

Hux lifts his shoulder to gently jostle Ren off of it. Ren lifts his head up with a groan and presses the side of his face against Hux's. "I need to tell you something else." 

 

"What?" 

 

"I got another message from Mitaka. It's about the admirals."

 

Hux can feel Ren scowl against his face. Whether it’s because he's talking about his partnership with Mitaka again or the infringing of it on their time together Hux doesn't know. "What did he say?" Ren mutters. He still hasn't recognized the gravity of the situation, even as Hux's heartbeat accelerates underneath Ren's hold on his chest. 

 

Hux looks to the comm, sitting where he had dropped it earlier. It's far away from where they sit, but Hux can't ignore its contents. He doesn't want to get up, but needs to tell Ren the truth regardless. 

 

Then Hux realizes something. With the number of times Hux has replayed the message, he's memorized it. The words echo in his head from time to time, filing his already alcohol-fuzzy head with rolling and jagged words. He can recite it to Ren, and then translate it. Then, it will feel like just another crew update, just another message he passes on to whoever needs it. Slang may be an entirely separate language, but it's still used as a code, like Imperial code. 

 

In a dispassionate, monotone voice, barely stumbling over the words even though he hasn't spoken the language for a while, Hux recites the message to Ren, who does not move and does not breathe as Hux speaks. Last time Hux spoke it was a couple of years ago, after he had been promoted to general. It was required for a sensitive operation between himself and his chief communications officer. The officer had been on the same destroyer Hux was on as they left the Empire's planets, ensuring that their dialects were similar if not the same.

 

It was highly unlikely that anyone non-Imperial had been listening, but Hux wanted the communication to be completely secure. However, Ren has not heard it spoken since Hux was a lieutenant, fresh from Ryoida and still affected by its presence. 

 

Hux concludes his report on the message as monotone as before, even his breath is shallow and his stomach clenched. Ren's body, bracketed as it is around Hux, does not move. He waits for Hux to translate, finally recognizing that whatever Mitaka has reported is serious. 

 

"The admirals are onboard," Hux begins, starting at the very beginning of the message only to ensure his continued calmness. Within his mind, a deep and rolling voice speaks to him. _Find the serenity, Scarlet_. "Four of them." Hux's voice is shaking. "They took the bridge from my control. They said..." Hux grabs onto Ren's arm and squeezes it, so tightly that he thinks it's hurting Ren. Ren does not move. "They said you abandoned your post. They said you wanted to save yourself and left us here to die." Ren does not move, even as Hux breathes so shallowly, his breath getting faster and faster with each translation. It wasn't supposed to be like this, was supposed to be like just another report. Hux pushes on to get it over with. 

 

Hux gets to the last part of the message, the part that damns him for good. He doesn’t know how Ren will react to this. Hux braces himself for it, but does not let go of Ren's arm. Even now, with the odds stacked against him, Hux is still holding on to Ren with all of his might. He's still trying to survive. "They said Snoke ordered them to find you. To hunt you down for your treachery." Hux pauses to let Ren react to his confession, but Ren does not say anything. He does not move. His breaths are completely silent; his chest barely moves against Hux's back. 

 

Hux continues, pushing past the pressure in his throat. His voice is still painfully tight. "That's all they said and all we heard. We have left this system, to fly to a new one, somewhere in our future. I don't know where." Hux lowers his voice, to barely whisper, "We all don't." 

 

Hux sits there trying to control his rapid, shallow breathing for a long time, enough so that his mind wraps around itself as it creates scenario after scenario of how Ren will finally react. Hux had not expected silence from Ren. He has never been silent in his life. 

 

Just as Hux is about to pull himself away from Ren, he finally speaks. Ren’s voice is so very quiet. Hux can't even tell what he is feeling. It's disconcerting to hear Ren speak so unemotionally; he has always been possessed and controlled by emotion. 

 

"This confirms what I already know," Ren says, rumbling against Hux's back. Hux stares ahead unblinking, his breath still shallow. He can feel his eyes becoming uncomfortably dry, but does not blink. "This is the reason I saw you in the visions. Snoke has plans for you, too." 

 

Hux blinks suddenly, not expecting that response from Ren. "What?" The question comes out noticeably weak. 

 

Ren finally moves, shifting so that more of Hux's weight leans into his torso. Hux falls back, still disoriented from Ren's response to the message. Hadn't Hux been direct enough? 

 

"Think about it, Hux. I know you would have never left the _Finalizer_ if it wasn't commanded or spurred. My master obviously sent you the message to make you come to him. He would have known the only way to get you away was by fear." 

 

Disbelief is coloring Hux's tone now rather than the prior weakness. "But he called me a traitor! He said I had fled my post!"

 

Ren shakes his head. "When have the admirals ever been truthful? They lie about your guilt in Starkiller. They don't admit to their own failures. Why would you believe them now?"

 

"Because it makes sense!" Hux exclaims, feeling suddenly frustrated. Does Ren not really see what Hux does? 

 

This is how everything began, in Hux’s eyes: Starkiller Base is destroyed. The _Finalizer_ is crippled. Hux reports to the admirals, who ask him about strange messages from Snoke. When Hux says he hasn’t had contact with the Supreme Leader, a red comm message is suddenly sent to him, telling him to run in a language he must obey. Hux, with Ren in tow, runs to Ryoida, the place he first flew, and takes shelter there. Sometime after that, the admirals move onto the _Finalizer_ , likely after Hux landed on Ryoida. The Resistance shows up, unrelated to this detailing of events but still relevant, and Alekta is given word that an admiral is suddenly here to land. Hux doesn't know if she was told the admiral was looking for Hux; likely, she inferred it. Alekta has always been good at separating lies from the truth. 

 

Now, here Hux sits, with Ren trying to convince him that he should not be afraid of Snoke's reaction when they finally find him. Ren is telling him, against all other evidence, that Snoke needs Hux for something else? What _bullshit_. 

 

Ren huffs against Hux's head. "How does it make sense?" 

 

Hux details everything to Ren, starting from the beginning and going until now, where they sit aboard this _Upsilon_. With every word of speaks, his voice gets stronger. His throat loosens so that the words are punched out. Hux knows anger is clouding his descriptions, but he is angry. He can't control that, not now. All of this just to blame Hux for Starkiller. The admirals are more cowardly than he had initially thought. 

 

"No, that's just coincidence. My Master knows of their treachery. He would have foreseen it." Ren nods his head, confident in his convoluted explanation of these events. "That's why he summoned both of us, so that the admirals wouldn't get you." 

 

"Ren—" 

 

"Hux," Ren says, suddenly angry. His legs tighten on Hux's own, even though his tone turns biting. Hux can't get up, even if he wanted to. "Just stop it. All that matters is that we get there like we're supposed to. Snoke will tell us the truth."

 

No, because when Hux gets there his fate could hang in the balance. Snoke's truth may just as well condemn him. He can't walk into that situation not knowing his options. 

 

Hux tries to turn around in Ren's grip, but Ren won't let him move. Even as he’s angry, Ren still holds onto Hux with all his strength. "Just _listen_ to me." 

 

"I did," Ren says. Hux can recognize that he is now trying to control his anger, force it down within himself for another time when he might need it. "So stop." 

 

"Ren—"

 

"I said stop. I've heard enough."

 

Hux is getting angry. Their conversation was going so well. They could easily find a solution together if Ren would stop being so stubborn. Hux opens his mouth to speak again, this time in a tone he takes with his subordinates, when he is stopped by Ren.

 

"Hux." 

 

That single word from Ren, so suddenly small, makes Hux go still. Behind him, Ren's chest shakes ever so slightly. Ren buries his face back in Hux's shoulder. Hux can feel his breath shuddering. "Please stop," Ren says, barely heard but just as poignant. His arms are so tight around Hux. 

 

Hux stops. Ren knows he’s lying to himself. Hux doesn't need to convince Ren any further. He knows.

 

Hux bumps his shoulder up, jostling Ren from his position. Just like Ren did before, Hux needs to go to him and help. His worries about Snoke quiet down when confronted with Ren’s fear and anguish. "Come on, let's switch." 

 

Ren lets go of Hux, and Hux moves out of his lap to sit next to him. As he settles down and gets comfortable again, Ren shifts over onto his side so that he is facing the wall of the _Upsilon_. 

 

When Hux finishes getting situated, Ren immediately wraps his arms around Hux's torso, so tightly that they almost touch Ren's own sides. His head rests on Hux's shoulder once more. His legs are brought up close to his hips. 

 

This is an awkward position for Ren to be in, draped across Hux’s lap as he is, but he's too bulky for anything other than this. He can't squish into himself like Hux can. Hux has always been able to make himself smaller; he had needed to when squeezing into crawl spaces on ships. 

 

Hux wraps one arm around Ren's back. His other hand goes into Ren's hair, gently undoing the tangles in a repetitive motion that is soothing to both of them. 

 

So. This is the situation Hux is in. Hux can already feel the effects of the alcohol fading away as his mind focuses on this new problem. He has never had to drink much to get where he wants. And he already doesn't drink like older Imperials anyway; the first time he had, Hux had thrown up and spent the rest of the night huddled in the corner somewhere on Ryoida, eating his hidden stash of food in quick, fearful bites. 

 

Hux moves on from the memory. It's not important right now. 

 

His situation is dire, but Hux has worked with worse. What was it Alekta had told him, when he was servicing a ship that seemed unfixable? _There is always a solution. Our job is to not only find the problem, but to fix it. So do your job and fix it._

 

Ren may be breathing shallowly on Hux's shoulder, his mind unwilling to acknowledge the truth, but he is still helping in his own convoluted way. Ren had said that the admirals were liars, and that is true. If Hux can convince the Supreme Leader of this, then this situation may be reversed. Instead of being hunted, Hux would become the hunter. The admirals would have no choice but to run. 

 

The admirals also don't know that Hux still has a contact onboard the _Finalizer_ , considering Mitaka's message made it safety to Hux. He has to trust that Mitaka will remain loyal to him; judging by his delivery of the message, Hux can't tell. However, knowing Mitaka and the trust Hux put in him with this responsibility, he thinks Mitaka will not stray. 

 

If there is one thing Hux has with the crew that the admirals do not, it is shared life experience. Hux is the oldest of his generation, the ones who were born or raised on Star Destroyers. Perhaps this will be relevant too, especially when Hux needs to communicate with others who grew up with the ever changing Imperial Slang. 

 

As Hux thinks deeper into his plans, a familiar feeling grows deep in his stomach, one that has been missing since Starkiller. This feeling has been with Hux since his first memories aboard the Star Destroyers. It grew with every pang of hunger, every sneer and curse thrown at him. It grew with every cheer he heard at his expense, with all the visible delight he could see as the Star Destroyer he was on limped closer and closer to the Unknown Regions and beyond. 

 

Port to port, always looking for something. That is what Alekta had said.

 

With this feeling growing in his chest, Hux knows what he's looking for. It was with him when he was a lieutenant on Ryoida, staring at a broken ship with angry tears in his eyes. 

 

_Find the serenity, Scarlet. It's always there within you, waiting to be found._

 

The serenity was there when Hux was a captain, creeping through a dark flight hangar with a box of bolts under his arm. He had been terrified then, but full of a conviction that gripped him as he took the proper bolts from their place and replaced them with the ones under his arm. These bolts were just a hair too small. They would be perfect for this job, something Hux has been looking for ever since a ship, always in its position second to the right from the leader, never flew over that Ryoidan hill again. 

 

When Hux had heard the news, that the admiral's son's ship had spontaneously depressurized, his face betrayed nothing. Within though, his heart beat so fast, knowing that he had found what he was looking for. That finally, after this action, Hux could move on from Ryoida and cement his place onboard the _Finalizer_.

 

It is a feeling that gripped Hux at Starkiller. Hux stops the motion of his hand running through Ren's hair. Ren presses closer with a sniff. Hux holds him there, close so that he can feel Ren's breath turn deep and peaceful.

 

Initially, while he was designing her, Hux wanted to test Starkiller on some random moon or planet. He wanted to make sure that she would succeed when fired. However, when the opportunity arose and the Resistance ran amok on Hux's ship, it felt like the perfect time to strike back after all the Republic has done. 

 

The night before Starkiller's firing, Hux had been pacing to and fro his quarters, reciting the speech in his head. He and his Starkiller crew had already practiced together multiple times, as Hux knew testing would be soon. If the Starkiller countdown was to complete in time for Hux's command to fire, then Hux's timing would have to be perfect. This is helped by an earpiece Hux wore, which transmitted the audio from the Starkiller command center to his position on the parade grounds. With every component checked and confirmed in his ear, Hux would know exactly when to start, when to speed up and when to slow down. 

 

Most importantly, he would know when to command her to fire. 

 

Hux closes his eyes, returning back to when he directed Starkiller's animalistic power with his own serene rage. It had been momentous. It had been his day, and Hux knows that the moment of Starkiller's firing will never be surpassed by anything else in his life. 

 

_"Seven minutes to firing. Preliminary charging is almost complete with hyperspace acceleration holding."_

 

_Hux stood on the platform, dressed in the entirety of his uniform, staring out at the mass of Stormtroopers all looking to him. He had created them, just as he created this base._

 

_"Six minutes to firing. We are cutting off the star collectors now. Hyperspace acceleration is still holding at max capabilities."_

 

_One of Hux's captains came up to speak to him. Hux does not remember what they even talked about. His mind was entirely focused on the speech at hand. After the captain left, Hux continued reciting his speech in his head, for the likely thousandth time._

 

_"Three minutes to firing. Stellar energy almost at max velocity. Thermal oscillator is hot, but holding."_

 

_Hux desperately wants to pace, but does not. He needs to be a figure right now. He must be the Order, for all the galaxy to see. They will see what the Order is capable of; they will know what happens when an Imperial is pushed too far, in just under three minutes._

 

_"We are at...two minutes to firing. Stellar energy at max velocity, containment field is holding. Everything's looking good here."_

 

_That’s the signal: two minutes to firing. Hux begins his speech, finally telling the truth about the Republic._

 

_"Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder!"_

 

_"Minute-thirty for weapon. Oscillator hot and holding."_

 

_"At this very moment, in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the Resistance."_

 

_"One minute. Systems nominal."_

 

_"This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet!"_

 

_"Thirty seconds!"_

 

_"All remaining systems will bow to the First Order! And will remember this as the last day of the Republic!"_

 

_"System check complete, Starkiller is go. Ready when you are, sir."_

 

_Hux has always been ready. "Fire!" he screamed, the sound tearing and ripping at his throat. He had felt his body shake as he stared out across the Stormtroopers to where the weapon will fire. It had to work; this is his day, right now in front of him. All of what Hux has lived through, every port he has ever left and every person or thing that was ever taken from him, has led to this._

 

_With a great burst of red, Starkiller fired, knocking the trees back with the force of compressed stellar energy. Hux's coat billowed in the sonic boom, its sound lost in Starkiller's roar. All around him was an encroaching red, coloring the white of the snow and Stormtroopers and the black of Hux's officers with a red glow._

 

_When Hux looked up, he was in awe. He knew his Starkiller would work; he had been with her since her first design, one that was just another Death Star. Hux had made her different, made her powerful. He had engineered her to succeed on this day._

 

_Right then, standing on that stage with the red beams of energy getting ever closer to the Hosnian system, Hux felt the same serenity he felt in that dark hangar. He felt the same serenity he first felt when he realized he could fix the ship sitting broken in front of him. Hux can fix everything, make it right and make it orderly. He has that power within him, like the stellar energy within Starkiller’s core. Hux only needs to direct it to whoever he feels deserves it._

 

Hux opens his eyes, returning to the present. With Ren quiet and still in his arms, he feels that serenity grow within him once more. A serenity that contains the rage racing through Hux's body. Hux stares forward, his mind elsewhere, as he savors this feeling. 

 

The admirals think they can do this to him? That they can convince Snoke to think any less of Hux? They think that they can treat Hux like some kind of dog?

 

No. Hux has never been under their control. He won’t let them take it all away from him, like so many others did before. Hux is not that boy anymore, sitting against the wall of some spaceport with hunger clawing at his stomach. He does not sit and mourn what was taken from him anymore; he fights for it. When he fails, those who wronged him will pay for it. 

 

The admirals will pay for what they have done. For taking the _Finalizer_ away from him. For exiling him from Ryoida, when he had wanted to stay so desperately. If Snoke does condemn him, Hux will make him pay, too. If Hux has destroyed an entire regime and its fleet, then he can destroy anything, Force be fucking damned. 

 

Hux blinks and looks down at Ren, still slumped on Hux’s chest and his arms still tight around it. Hux brings his head down to rest his lips atop Ren's head. Ren does not stir at the motion. 

 

Hux will fight for Ren, too, just as Ren will fight for Hux, when the time comes. They have always fought for each other, ever since they first met when Hux was still mourning Ryoida and Ren searching for someone to hold him close and promise to never leave. They may have their secrets and their differences, but Hux will never leave Ren. And Hux will never let anyone take him away, like they have done with the others before him. 

 

Hux tilts his head so that his cheek presses against Ren's head. He stares ahead, unblinking once again, and lifts his lip in a familiar snarl, one that exposes the dangerous point of his incisors. Behind him, the hum of the engines sounds like a low growl, one that emanates deep from Hux’s chest.

 

 _Look at me_ , Hux wants to say. _Don't you know what I have lived through? Don't you know what I have achieved beyond my beginnings? Don't you know that I have burned down the galaxy, just because of what they did to me? Haven't you heard the whispers?_

 

_No?_

 

_Then run._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehehehe we're almost at the end ~*~
> 
> Next chapter should be up sometime next week, but I will definitely be complaining about it on my blog if you want to keep track of my progress (i complain out of love of course!)
> 
> Here's the link <3: [@lady-starkiller](http://lady-starkiller.tumblr.com)


	8. The First Force User

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I tell you: one must still have chaos in one, to give birth to a dancing star. I tell you: you still have chaos in you." 
> 
> \- Friedrich Nietzsche, _Thus Spoke Zarathustra_

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Hux runs the razor over his face. He must be slow and patient in this, lest he cut himself. The blood would trickle ever so slightly, covering Hux’s face in the red he has just removed. Both the red of his stubble and the Ryoidan red that had been successfully removed by the sonic shower aboard the _Upsilon_. 

 

Hux rinses off the razor with some of the precious water supply on the ship. Everything is recycled, but even here, away from Ryoida’s deserts, Hux hates wasting water like this. However, without the accommodations of the _Finalizer_ aboard, the water must be wasted. Hux doesn’t look down at the sink and watch the liquid sweep away the removed red from his face. Instead, Hux looks at the mirror, watching himself as he scrapes the razor across his face. This will not be as close of a shave as usual, but it will have to be enough for Snoke. 

 

At the thought of Snoke, Hux’s eyes dart from his neck, where the razor blade delicately rests against his pale, slightly freckled skin, to his reflection in the mirror. His head stays tilted away from the blade as Hux looks at his too pale eyes that sit too small on his face. That’s what they are and will always be: small, vermin-like, the eyes of a thief. 

 

Hux looks away, back to what he was doing. Back to the razor, still resting against his neck. Its blade glitters in the harsh light of the fresher. Hux lifts it away.

 

The night before was a realization, both for Hux and for Ren. Hux had been blazing in his fury when Ren had finally woken up. Ren had desired soft comfort from Hux, but Hux could not give that to him, not with what vindication was burning up his insides. Ren had tried to be so gentle, pulling himself up out of Hux’s arms to sit cross-legged in front of him. Hux had spread his legs wide, his feet planted on the floor, so Ren could fit.

 

Even as Hux continued his unblinking stare, right into Ren’s face, Ren did not stop his reverent touching. His thumbs swept over Hux’s cheekbones once before sliding down to his neck. Ren’s thumbs lightly pressed against the arteries of Hux’s neck. Through that touch, Ren could hear the slow, methodic beat of Hux’s heart, constant as the humming of the hyperdrive engines on Hux’s back. Ren did not squeeze Hux’s neck, not at all. Instead, he slid one hand back up to cup Hux’s cheek, still so red from Ryoida, and the other one slid underneath his shirt, brushing against the chain of Hux’s dog tags before jerkily stopping right before he touched the four dog tags that hung from the chain. It was like he had forgotten where Hux’s heart was and had to remember its location by touch alone. 

 

That is why Hux had tolerated Ren’s soft touches for as long as he did. But now, at this moment, with anger lighting up his veins and singing in his skin, Hux does not want gentleness. He wants a reminder that this day, right now, aboard this _Upsilon_ shuttle somewhere in the Unknown Regions, will be worth it in the end.

 

Hux surged forward into this kiss. He grabbed Ren’s head with both hands to force him closer, and Hux bit at Ren’s lips with just enough pressure not to bleed. Ren was surprised at first, his hands fluttering awkwardly around Hux, before he grabbed hold of Hux’s face, too. Ren’s touch was softer than Hux’s, and Hux snarled at that, shoving Ren onto his back before leaning down to bite at his neck, catching the metal chain there indiscriminately with his teeth.

 

After Hux started to bite, Ren finally understood what he wanted. Hux didn’t want softness or gentleness or quiet affection. He wanted a fight because like Ren, Hux is a fighter. He may not be skilled in combat like Ren is or have experience in real military battles, but he has fought for everything in his life. Hux wants to fight for this too. Ren can’t just give it to him. That’s not how the universe works. 

 

Ren had easily pinned down Hux after knocking him off his broad chest. He has always been physically stronger than Hux, even as a scrawny nineteen-year-old. Now, the difference shows, even when Hux is bulked up by his uniform. Ren could have crushed Hux, but he did not, even as he pinned Hux’s face to the side with one hand while the other slid down Hux’s stomach towards his pants. When Ren stopped, hovering over Hux’s pants, Hux flit his eyes upwards to look at Ren, who was asking if they can continue in a calm voice, at odds with how he was forcing Hux’s face down onto the floor. Hux barely resisted rolling his eyes, instead jerking his head in a quick nod before trying to knee Ren in the chest. Ren had to take his hand off Hux’s face to shove his leg back onto the floor. Hux immediately countered with a head-butt, and the fight began anew. 

 

Hux’s body had tired quickly with the fighting, and he had yielded early on. But when Ren had finally shoved into him in an inelegant thrust, reminding Hux of the first time they had sex, the serene rage he had found earlier this night built up again. 

 

However, instead of expressing the feeling in action, Hux turned to something that he is very skilled at: his words.

 

In the present, Hux runs the razor over the delicate skin under his jawbone. He is tempted to press down harder, just to see what would happen, but he does not. This is not the danger Hux will dance around. It is not what threatens him and Ren as they travel across the galaxy to a white dwarf system far from mapped space. 

 

_“This isn’t how it will end, Ren.”_

 

Hux sets the razor down and tilts his head into the bright light of the fresher. On his collarbones, which will be hidden by his uniform, are the dull bruises and light bites that Ren left the night before. Even when he was rough, it was never enough. Hux presses on the bruise closest to his neck. The skin whitens, but doesn’t hurt. 

 

_“Don’t you see? He calls us for a reason.”_

 

_“To punish me. To punish you.”_

 

_“No.”_

 

It had been difficult to convince Ren of Hux’s plan, the one he had concocted when Ren lay asleep in his arms. Hux has convinced Snoke of many things: of giving Starkiller precedent over the planet-hopping, of funneling money to the great beast of a machine to make it so much better than the original Death Stars. Hux had even convinced Snoke to let Ren stay aboard the _Finalizer_ when his missions required a home base, after every success and failure in finding the last of the Jedi. Ren had done so much in accomplishing that goal; he may doubt himself greatly, but Hux knows Ren has incredible skill in diplomacy, when he wishes to use it. The problem is getting him to break free of the blind guidance of the Force. 

 

_“Haven’t we done this before?”_

 

_“Not like this. Never like this.”_

 

_“There is always a first time for everything. You know this, Ren.”_

 

_“That’s different.”_

 

Hux traces his curled fingers on the chain still hanging heavy from his neck. He had not noticed the added weight of the dog tags since he had put them on in that dangerously sentimental moment aboard the _Finalizer_. Now, looking in the mirror, Hux can see the addition clearly. There are two versions of himself existing within one body, and they fight each other. One is from a ship, the other from sand. One is controlled and the other pushes to break free at any chance it gets. Hux grabs the chain and lifts it out from his undershirt. He runs his fingers down the warm metal. 

 

Hux reaches the end of the first tag, the one older than the rest. He traces is fingers over it in a subconscious movement before moving on to the next, the one that he had scratched so viciously. Hux can remember exactly where he had been when he had taken a nail and scratched that name off his lieutenant dog tags. It wasn’t like anyone would call him by that name, but its mere existence angered Hux in so many ways. 

 

Hux tightens his fingers on that dog tag and lifts it, jarringly clanking the others together. At the chaotic noise, Hux slides the chain under his shirt to rest on his chest again. It will have to remain there, for now. 

 

_“When I need you, after I’m finished, you will give your own version of Starkiller.”_

 

_“How will I know when to speak?”_

 

_“You will feel it. Not with the Force, but with another part of yourself. It will tell you when.”_

 

Being on Ryoida so briefly had cleared Hux’s head from the fallout of Starkiller and the _Finalizer_. Everything there had been muted, like the universe only existed to where the Ryoidan atmosphere ended. After his time there, Hux could plan his attack back on the admirals. Convincing Snoke would be the first step. Hux’s plan relies on that. He has nothing else to fall back on, like he did with _Scarlet’s_ engine on Ryoida. This is the only way. Both Hux and Ren know this. 

 

When Hux had told Ren his plan, he had actually stopped in his rough thrusting. Ren was stunned and immediately tried to convince Hux of another plan, one that may have worked in any other situation besides this one. 

 

_“This is the only way, Ren,” Hux said, before running his hand gently down Ren’s face, on the side of his scar. “It will work. It has before, hasn’t it?”_

 

Ren’s response was to look away from Hux’s face to stare at the wall of the shuttle. Ren had looked away until Hux’s legs squeezed tight against his waist. Then, he returned to stare down at Hux. On his face, instead of the sadness that had taken residence ever since Hux retold Mitaka’s message, was a great energy that Hux was positive was the Force. Ren’s hips began slowly rocking once more until snapping into Hux with a deep grunt from Ren. Hux threw his head back into the floor, not even feeling the dull pain of the impact. His arms tightened around Ren’s shoulders until they were each taken by one of Ren’s hands and pressed into the floor by his head. Hux could barely contain the elation he felt, so similar and yet so different from the rage that had just been consuming his body. 

 

_“Do you remember what I told you, aboard my ship?” Hux asked, almost breathless with how rough Ren’s thrusts were, with how incredible the fabric of his shirt felt as it rubbed against his nipples. They hadn’t even bothered to undress completely. “What did I say?”_

 

_Ren did not answer. His head was tilted downwards, and his hair covered his face from view. Hux could not see the expression on his face._

 

_Hux answered his own question. “I told you that you have so many days of greatness in front of you. We both do.”_

 

_“Do you still believe that?” Ren asked, very quietly. His one hand enclosing Hux’s wrists over his head tightened, but Hux savored the dull ache. Ren’s other hand gripped Hux’s side and squeezed into the soft flesh there. “Even after everything that has happened? Your ship, your planet. This.”_

 

_“This is nothing to what I have lived through.”_

 

Seeing his Starkiller fail had been disappointing, horrifying, but nothing compared to living through the figurative death of his ship. Hux barely survived that, but seeing the _Finalizer_ orbiting around that still-developing planet reinvigorated him. His ship was not finished yet. She was stronger than any mistake of Hux’s, and she will remain strong until Hux sees her again. 

 

_“Do you believe me, Ren?”_

 

_“I want to.”_

 

 _“Then do so.”_

 

Hux turns the water off, realizing now that he really is just wasting it. At the shut-off, the fresher is completely quiet, not even interrupted by Hux’s silent, unnoticeable breaths. Hux stares at himself in the mirror once again. Even now, after washing the red from his face, his expression is dusted by anger. If he is to succeed in his plan, if Ren is to succeed as well, Hux will need to hide that anger under submission. Hux has never been good at bowing before another. His pride has never permitted it, even as it was forced to happen.

 

_“You will have to guide me.”_

 

_“Haven’t I always? Ever since the beginning?”_

 

_“Yes. You have.”_

 

“Hux?”

 

Ren is wearing the mask again. He had taken if off after they boarded the _Upsilon_ and left it behind when they arrived on Ryoida. Now, as the ship flies ever closer to Snoke, Ren wears it again. 

 

Hux looks at himself in the mirror, focusing on his hair that he has already slicked back. Now, with his face shaven, he looks as he did aboard his _Finalizer_. Next to him, on his left, stands Ren. He’s already completely dressed and almost blends in with the dark quarters just behind him. Just like on the _Finalizer_. 

 

“What was the number?” Hux asks Ren’s reflection in the mirror. 

 

Ren doesn't move when he says, “Five. It was the same as before. I could not see it then, but I can see it now.” 

 

Hux nods. Eight. Three. Five. Five. Those are the numbers Ren saw in his visions. Those are the numbers Snoke sent to his apprentice, hidden in strange visions that Ren could barely coherently describe. Hux does not know why Snoke chose to send the coordinates this way, in a way only Hux can understand. 

 

Snoke has always been a mystery. When he first appeared, when Hux was in his twenties and still on Ryoida, his presence was but another rumor concerning the Force. For most people, Vader had been the only Force user they knew personally, via the memories of older Imperials who served under him or even caught a glimpse of his passing. Of course a rumor about the Force returning would spread so quickly among the ranks. 

 

Hux hadn’t been interested in that bit of gossip. He listened, of course, but never contributed to the hushed conversations around the base and dinner table. There were other matters to tend to on Ryoida that were more pressing than the farfetched gossip of a being that could control the universe itself. 

 

When Hux was transferred to the _Finalizer_ and heard talk of a great weapon being developed and executed under the mysterious Snoke’s orders, he had been more intrigued, now that the weapon’s development took place aboard the ship. That was when Hux became interested in Snoke and who he was. His interest in the Force itself came a short time later, with Ren’s random arrival to the _Finalizer_ , though that interest soon turned to tolerance after Hux discovered his Force sensitivity was completely null. 

 

Now, with Hux’s actions being completely guided by Ren’s abilities in the Force, Hux wishes he would have studied the concept more, so that he could help in any way that he could. The Force, though, has always been Ren’s domain. That is a power Hux will never have.

 

Hux steps away from the counter, breaking eye contact with his reflection. He grabs his tunic and belt from the counter before stepping around Ren to exit the fresher. Ren turns to look at Hux as he passes by, but says nothing else. 

 

“What kind of star system is it?” Hux asks as he shrugs into his tunic. He clips the belt on, noticing that somehow he has lost weight, again. Hux narrows his eyes at the discovery. 

 

“An old one.”

 

Hux grabs his boots from the wall. “All white dwarf stars are old.” He shoves his feet in the boots rather inelegantly, grunting with the effort. “How old?”

 

“The star will fade completely soon.” 

 

Hux’s eyebrows rise. “So black dwarfs are real.” He grabs his gloves from the bedside table and slides them on, stretching his fingers in the soft synth leather. The fabric never has too much give. 

 

“Apparently so.” 

 

All that’s left of Hux’s uniform is his hat and coat, nowhere to be seen in these quarters. Perhaps the fabric just blends in with the dark room, as it is only illuminated by the light from the fresher and Ren’s body blocks most of it anyway, since he won’t leave the damn doorway. Hux squints at the room, looking from one corner of the room to the next. 

 

“They’re in the jump seat,” Ren rumbles. 

 

Of course. Hux had thrown the clothing there when he and Ren had boarded the _Upsilon_ from the _Finalizer_. 

 

Hux is quick to leave the quarters and return with his articles, only delayed once after he accidentally kicked the whiskey bottle, left behind after he and Ren had gone to sleep, across the floor noisily. Hux reminds himself to pick it up when he can. 

 

The hat is slightly dented, but easily molds back to its original structure. Hux’s coat, however, is another story. He had completely forgotten to sew the damn sleeve up. The gash from Ren’s lightsaber still tears through the synthetic fabric. 

 

Hux slides it over his shoulders, noticing that it sits differently now that the tear has slightly expanded. It’s better than nothing.

 

“Are we headed there now?” 

 

“We'll arrive soon.”

 

Hux had been alone when he woke up. He had assumed that Ren had returned to his meditations and, not wanting to disturb him, Hux had quietly slipped into the fresher. He did not know that Ren had translated the coordinates so quickly and had already programmed the ship to fly there. 

 

Finally, Ren leaves the doorway. With his body gone from the frame, the light from the fresher spills out into the quarters, just enough to reflect off of Ren’s expressionless mask. Hux turns to face Ren, wondering what he will do now that his return to Snoke is finalized. 

 

Ren raises a hand and hovers it in front of Hux’s face, close enough that he could feel Hux’s breath on his palm if he weren’t wearing gloves. Hux does not move or look away from Ren’s mask. The breaths he exhales through his mouth are calm and deep. Somewhere, deep within him, hidden underneath all the layers of his uniform, something burns. 

 

Ren’s hand tilts so that his palm is facing inward towards Hux’s face. He takes a step forward, just enough so that his palm is right next to Hux’s ear. Ren’s shoulders tighten, and Hux braces himself for the Force to enter his mind once again. 

 

The entry is barely noticeable to Hux. Either Ren is being particularly careful or he has recovered enough from Starkiller that his Force abilities have stabilized to their usual instability. Hux closes his eyes as Ren opens his mind and shows him a memory from a long time ago, on a different ship in a different star system. 

 

When Ren exits, after showing Hux enough of the memory, Hux opens his eyes and looks at Ren with what could be described as the same expression as before but for one key difference. Before, Hux’s eyes guarded what was happening within his own mind. Now, they gleefully show everything. Hux does not hold it back, not right now as he looks up at Ren. 

 

“Yes,” Hux says, in response to the memory Ren showed him. He puts a hand on Ren’s stomach, guarded by the thick belt that circles his waist. “Always.”

Ren doesn’t say anything back. He only takes Hux’s other hand, the one not on his stomach, and places it on the right side of his mask. Ren drops his hand after that, letting both of his arms hang stiffly beside him. 

 

Even through the leather of his glove, Hux can still feel the grooves from the mask’s adornments. He presses his hand tighter against it and spreads his fingers so that they dip in and out of the mask’s silver plating. Hux slides his hand from Ren’s stomach to his back and steps closer, leaning up towards the mask. 

 

Before Hux can do anything more, an alert from the cockpit beeps loudly, signaling that the autopilot will be dropping from hyperspace soon. Hux turns his head to look over his shoulder at the sound, but does not take his hands off of Ren. Ren doesn’t move away either, even though the drop will happen soon. He only takes his hand and puts it over Hux’s stomach, in the same way Hux does to him. Hux can barely feel the presence from the bulk of his tunic, but the gesture and its meaning are still there. 

 

The ship slides gracefully out of light speed, barely jarring Hux and Ren where they stand. When the cockpit beeps again to signal the drop’s completion, Ren sidesteps out of Hux’s grip, taking his hand from Hux’s stomach as he does so. Hux takes his hands away from Ren and follows him out of their quarters to the main cabin of the ship. Then, they go to the cockpit and step inside. There, they see their first glimpse of a dying star. 

 

The star barely glows, as it exhausted its fusion capabilities long ago. This star contributes nothing yet will exist for eons after Hux is gone. Still, this one has to be particularly old, to be so close to its deterioration into a black dwarf. Hux thinks that something happened to accelerate this star’s destruction; the universe is simply not old enough for a star as weak as this. 

 

“This star still has planets?” Ren asks incredulously. 

 

“Of course,” Hux responds. “The star’s smaller, so it’s denser. Its gravity is greater than nearly every other body in space, except for black holes. And neutron stars.” Hux and Ren will have to keep the _Upsilon_ shuttle far away from this star, if they are to stay out of its gravitational pull. “Likely, the star had more planets in its youth, but destroyed them in its red giant phase. Now, all that remains are the outermost planets.”

 

“Including the fifth.”

 

“Yes.” Hux looks at a monitor embedded in the console of the flight controls. On it, the location of every planet or planetoid is displayed. “Including the fifth.” Hux programs the flight computer to head for the furthest planet, one in a strange elliptical orbit. Currently, it is farthest away from its host star, at its aphelion. This path will take them past the first two remaining planets of this system; however, the next two will be on the other side of their orbit and thus invisible to Hux and Ren.

The white dwarf is lost to Hux and Ren’s sight as the ship angles itself on its trajectory towards the final planet in this system. The space in between the star and its first remaining planet is completely empty. Ren noticeably twitches when they pass over a seemingly random part of space. Hux blames it on their ever-increasing closeness to Snoke. Perhaps Snoke is trying to reach Ren’s mind to communicate normally through him, without the need for visions. 

 

Finally, the ship passes by or more accurately through the first of this system’s planets. It must have been a gas giant at some point of its life, but all that remains is its relatively small, rocky core and a cloud of hydrogen and helium gas that remains through the core’s weak gravitational pull. 

 

The ship passes another planet just like the first. It’s but a remnant of another gas giant. Again, only its rocky core remains. Gas clouds surround the planet, getting smaller as the _Upsilon_ travels further away from the white dwarf. 

 

Hux wonders what planets were here and what they looked like. He wonders if anyone had ever seen them when they were in their prime. Maybe no one has. Perhaps he and Ren are the first to see this system. Perhaps all that this star system has to give is its conclusion. 

 

Finally, the last planet appears in the cockpit viewport. Unlike the planets Hux and Ren had seen previously, this one was never a gas giant. Instead, it is a small, rocky, frozen body that is so small it can barely be called a planet. Orbiting next to it is a planet that may or may not be its moon; their sizes are so similar that Hux thinks these might be two planets stuck in a binary orbit with each other. 

 

“It’s the smaller one,” Ren says, reminding Hux of his presence. He points at the smaller one. “The Force calls me there. Snoke calls me from there.” 

 

Hux looks out over the two planets. They appear stationary, but Hux knows they and this ship are hurtling through space at this very moment. Hux always thought how funny it was that he could never feel that velocity. 

 

Hux programs the landing sequence in for the smaller planet. Strangely, the computer’s readings of the planet show it is habitable, with a stable and breathable atmosphere. How strange, that such a planet exists in the universe, so far from its sun and its light. Hux has seen odder things in the universe; this is just another example, and it does not trouble him. 

 

“He calls us both,” Hux says quietly before easing the throttle down with one hand. The _Upsilon_ descends, and Hux flips the auto land switch, having to lean over the console to reach it. 

 

Quickly, the ship descends through space, reaching the planet-moon’s weak atmosphere and piercing it easily. Ren suddenly takes the yoke in a hand and yanks it to the side, jarring the _Upsilon_ into a descent that takes it to a strange formation Hux can see from even this distance. After correcting the trajectory, Ren lets go of the yoke. The autopilot takes control again. 

 

The ship’s landing thrusters deploy perfectly at touchdown. The wings retract from their position so that they neatly fold up next to the ship's cabin. The landing struts lightly touch down. In front of Hux and Ren, the color reminds Hux of a great desert, though not Ryoida’s desert. No, the rock of this moon is much less red than Ryoida, much more tan and gray. 

 

As Hux is trying to remember where he saw this color before, Ren walks out of the cockpit. His steps are soft, but his silence does nothing to distract from his great presence. Hux turns away from the viewport, still wondering where he saw this color before, and follows Ren. 

 

Hux and Ren reach the exit together, as Hux’s quick steps make up for Ren’s longer strides. Ren pulls down the exit lever. The doors hiss as they pressurize with the outside air pressure. The ramp slowly drops until it hits the planet with a dull thud. 

 

Hux looks out across the visible terrain. The planet’s surface is nicked with craters, visible even though the light from the far-away white dwarf should be weak. The visible stars in the sky do not shimmer. The contrast between the graying tan of the planet and the black expanse of space, punctured by small holes of starlight, is profound. 

 

Hux looks away from the planet’s sky to the cavern in front of the ship. Leading to it, there is a processional of grounded ships of all varieties. Most of them are unrecognizable to Hux, but appear very old, even though they still look pristine. Nothing would have affected them here; on planets such as these, no wind blows. Dust is not kicked up by wild gusts to cover every exposed surface. The ships are so pristine that Hux thinks their inhabitants will walk out to greet him and Ren, as if no time has elapsed between their coming and Hux and Ren’s. 

 

Hux barely notices his first step onto the planet, but thinks of how it resembles ice more than dust. Ren follows next to him, his lightsaber in one hand. He turns it on with a loud hiss that punctures the quiet atmosphere of this planet. 

 

They reach the mouth of the cave after passing through the two rows of ships. Hux thinks that it’s almost like a parade: subordinates march in the middle, superiors watch from the sides and whisper among themselves. 

 

Hux doesn’t know what these ships would say about him and Ren. Whatever reason they are here for is a mystery. Perhaps, like the white dwarf star and the gas giants, they are a remnant of what used to be in this system long ago. 

 

Ren enters the cave without a second thought. He doesn’t even look around at his surroundings; his mask has been pointed at the cave since the ramp descended and he stepped unafraid onto this strange planet. 

 

Hux is more cautious when considering the cave. As he watches Ren’s lightsaber glow a path through the entrance, he looks up at the structure. It doesn’t seem natural, this formation. An outcropping of rock like this would require weathering from wind, yet there is no wind on this planet. Snoke must have created this, somehow. 

 

When Hux crosses the barrier of the cave, he hears a faint rustle that is quick to cease when Hux turns around, looking for the sound. 

 

It was nothing. Nothing is behind him. The ships are a graveyard; there is no one here but Ren, Snoke and himself. Hux presses onward. 

 

Within the cavern, the light barely changes. As Hux walks slowly through the cave, he looks around, trying to find evidence of unnatural construction. However, he can see no traditional engineering designs. The arch of the cave inside is perfectly natural and pockmarked with random and unnecessary depressions and growths.

Hux walks to Ren, who has stopped right in front of a narrow walkway that extends further into the cave. However, this isn’t what is intriguing. Instead, it is how the cave’s walls suddenly glow in a pattern that resembles heavy starlight. It is a bluish light, but a soft blue like the Ryoidan sky when the winds were not blowing. The dots of light trace the gray-tan walls in nonsensical, almost whimsical patterns. Hux tilts his head as he follows the pattern of one that curls over the top of the ceiling in a loop. Little dots of light appear next to the looping pattern. Hux follows the line of dots as it playfully descends the other side of the wall, just to loop back up again. 

 

Ren steps into the smaller entrance. The cavern narrows at this one point before expanding to a pathway that is still smaller than the wide entrance. Ren holds his lightsaber aloft. The red glow bounces off the walls of the cave, turning the bluish speckles of light red. 

 

When Hux walks through the chokepoint, Ren is far away from him, his lightsaber still casting red light against the walls. Hux looks up at the light dots on the ceiling and finds the whimsical pattern again. His eyes follow the dots as he goes further into the cave. 

 

The dots’ patterns are never consistent. They loop upwards before cutting out of the loop in a dive. They cut straight across the side of the cavern before sharply turning upwards into the ceiling. All of this time, the pattern is surrounded by smaller, less bright dots, just enough to illuminate the entirety of the walkway. Just enough to illuminate what else rests in this cavern. An odd-looking blaster sits to the side underneath a scattering of dots. Over on the other side, propped up against the wall, is another kind of weapon that resembles a spear. Then another object, though Hux thinks it’s not a weapon. It’s a strange looking machine, obviously a remnant of a much larger piece. On one of its black panels is a thin gold wheel. It shines with the reflection of the lights. 

 

Hux reaches Ren quickly, as he has stopped in the middle of the path with his hand extended once again. He does not acknowledge Hux’s presence. Above them, the dots of light shine and twirl in random patterns. 

 

Beyond Ren, the cavern narrows again, but curves so that Hux can’t see where it leads. The dots shine brighter in this tunnel than before and are in a more random pattern. 

 

Hux turns to Ren. “Can you feel him, in there?”

 

“In a way,” Ren says. “I can feel the strength of the Force. Only my Master has ever had that power.” Ren’s voice turns contemplative. “Though I don’t hear his voice in my head.”

 

“Snoke did mention training.”

 

Ren nods his head. “Yes. My Master wants to test me; if he wishes to test my skills this way, then so be it. I don’t need to hear my Master to know that he is with me.” 

 

So Snoke may be just a curve away from Hux and Ren. In preparation for his plan, Hux remembers all that he has done for the Order and outlines all that he will continue to do. It was Hux who destroyed the Republic. It was by his discovery that Starkiller was born. Snoke must be convinced of that, if Hux is to walk out of this cave with his position held. He must obtain Snoke’s support if he is to get his ship back from the admirals who took her from him. 

 

And he will, with Ren by his side helping him. That is why they’ll succeed, why they will rise above all others. 

 

Holding onto this determination, still burning hotly within him as it was with Ren in his arms, Hux watches as Ren enters the chokepoint with his lightsaber held in front of him. Hux follows close behind, his posture straight and eyes narrow. 

 

Hux and Ren emerge out of the narrow path. Overhead, the walls curve in a perfect dome, so perfect that it has to be artificial. In the perfect center of the dome there’s a hole that shows Hux the sky above this planet. In the middle of the circle is the planet’s twin, hovering above, reflecting a small beam of light onto the cave floor. The dots of stars dance up the curved walls in greater number than before, almost overlapping each other with their number. The bluish light is so great here that Ren’s lightsaber, still clutched in his hand, has no effect. 

 

Ren depowers his lightsaber with a dull hiss. With the hilt still in his grip, Ren walks into the room, his mask turned to the ceiling above. Hux follows slowly, looking around the room with confused irritation furrowing his brows. 

 

Ren voices Hux’s thought right when he thinks it himself. “He isn’t here,” Ren says. Hux can tell he’s confused even through the modulation of his mask.

Hux looks around the room again. Perhaps he just missed seeing Snoke, who might have blended in with the grayish walls. 

 

There is no sign of Snoke. Hux turns to Ren. “I thought you said you felt him.” 

 

“I did.” Ren shakes his head. “I do.” He extends his arm again. His fingers contort into a claw and Ren’s hand vibrates as he extends it upwards, towards the planet that hovers above the hole in the ceiling. Ren holds it briefly before snarling and dropping his hand into a clench. He begins to pace, incomprehensibly muttering to himself. 

 

Hux walks further into the room. He stands underneath the hole in the ceiling, where Ren paces close. Hux looks up at the planet, the twin of this one, through the perfect hole in the dome. “Are you sure this is the correct planet?” Hux asks. “What about its twin?”

 

“No,” Ren growls. “No! This isn’t right. This isn’t _right_!”

 

Hux needs to tell Ren they need to go, to check another star system because obviously this is the incorrect one. Slang coordinates have always been confusing, even to those who know them best. Snoke must be elsewhere; the Force must have led Ren astray. 

 

Hux turns to tell Ren this, but freezes, staring at Ren with his eyes wide. 

 

Ren is completely still as he stares back at Hux. He doesn’t even breathe. His hands hang heavy and empty by his side. The light from the bluish dots glitters on Ren’s mask. 

 

“Run,” Ren says, almost robotically. His hands clench, as if he’s still holding his lightsaber. Hux doesn’t know where the saber went. 

 

Hux’s stomach drops, but he doesn’t move. He’s trapped by Ren’s attention. His heart starts to pound. All of the determination and serenity he felt since the _Upsilon_ has vanished, leaving nothing but fear in his belly. “What?”

 

Suddenly, Ren charges. Hux jumps backwards, trying to avoid Ren, but he’s too late. Ren grabs Hux’s arms and roughly shakes him. “Run!” he screams. His voice sounds demented through the mask. His fingers tighten like vices on Hux’s arms. “Get out, Hux, go! Run away!” 

 

“Ren, let go,” Hux says, trying to pry Ren’s hands off of his arms with his own. When that fails, Hux jerks himself back, trying to break free of Ren’s grip. “Let _go_!” 

 

“Run, Hux, run, get out, go!” Ren screams, louder now in his panic. He tightens his fingers even more, so much so that Hux can feel Ren’s fingers dig into the flesh of his arm through his uniform. He doesn’t let go even as Hux kicks him, even as Hux pushes into his chest with his hands, even as Hux tries to reach Ren’s covered hands with his teeth. 

 

Ren’s voice suddenly seizes, like he’s choking beneath his mask. Then, just as Hux pulls away from his grip and turns to run, Ren collapses forward, right onto Hux. Unaware, Hux stumbles under the added weight and falls stomach first onto the ground with Ren’s weight heavy on top of him. Hux coughs with the force of it and is still coughing when he pulls himself out from under Ren. He loses his coat in the process, along with his hat, but emerges unscathed to push Ren over onto his side.

Hux has to fight the impulse to run as he stares at Ren’s unconscious self. He can’t leave Ren here, not in this place that scares his lover so much. Hux closes his eyes before shakily inhaling. He exhales deeply and focuses on finding that serenity once again. Once he has hold of the smallest piece he held on the _Upsilon_ , he opens his eyes to look at Ren. 

 

“Alright,” Hux murmurs to himself. “Alright, this is fine, this is fine. Okay.” He mutters these phrases to himself as he checks Ren’s vitals. At least this is easier than it was on Starkiller. His heartbeat is strong. Hux unlatches Ren’s mask, lifting it gently from his head with one hand. Hux’s other hand cradles Ren’s head so that it doesn’t loll back. 

 

Hux glances at the room randomly, watching for whatever it was that he needed to run from. So far, the room is unchanged. The star dots still shimmer on the walls and ceiling of the dome. The sister planet is stationary where it hovers. Nothing has happened, and it only makes Hux more on edge.

 

Hux drops the mask to the side with a dull thump. He readjusts his grip on Ren’s head so that both of his hands hold either cheek. Hux leans down to check for Ren’s breathing, hoping that whatever just happened didn’t cause too much damage. 

 

Ren exhales deeply on Hux’s ear, tickling the hair there. Hux relaxes with a deep sigh. He presses Ren’s face into his shoulder, one hand cradling his neck. He wishes he could feel Ren’s breath on his neck, but it’s enough that he can breathe in Ren’s hair this way as he calms down. Each breath Ren exhales rustles against the fabric of his tunic in a familiar, comforting way. Hux closes his eyes, trying to come up with a new plan now that Ren is suddenly gone. 

 

 _You did not run_.

 

Hux jerks his head up with a shaky gasp, willing himself to stay motionless, though what has just spoken stares at him with black eyes. He pulls Ren tighter to himself, willing himself to stand up and run. But he can’t. Hux has to speak, though it hurts to push his statement through the tightness of his throat. 

 

“You’re not Snoke.” 

 

 _No._

 

What is lying down in front of Hux shouldn’t be alive. It shouldn’t be able to tilt its head and stare back at him with its black eyes glittering. Black teeth hang like stalactites from its fleshless face. Only its eyes are whole. Everything else has decayed. 

 

There are no muscles on its boney neck, no strong tendons to hold up the weight of this thing’s flesh-less skull. Its shoulders are a blinding white. The decay spreads down this creature’s boney arms that are barely held together my slivers of muscle. Most of the tendons hang limp from the bone to lie on the cave floor in a tangled mess. Its front legs are crossed in front of it, bone touching bone, and black talons curve out at the end. They glitter like stardust. 

 

The decay surrounds this thing in all ways except one. Erupting from its fleshless back, from behind its shoulder blades, are two black wings that extend high above. Every time the thing moves, the wings shift against each other, rustling its feathers together in a way that is so familiar to Hux. He cannot say from what.

Hux presses Ren closer into his shoulder. He doesn’t stir. 

 

Hux’s eyes burn. He needs to blink, but he can’t look away from the thing still staring at him with its bony head cocked. It has no eyelids to blink with. The black eyes glitter. 

 

“What are you?” Hux asks, to break the silence. He hopes it sounds strong and not small and weak like his breaths. “Where did you come from?”

 

 _I am like Snoke._ Whenever the creature speaks, its jaw does not move. The voice exists everywhere around Hux, but is not loud. Hux can’t even describe the voice; it isn’t masculine, feminine, neither or both. It just exists. 

 

The creature continues. _But I am not. I came from his place to this one. Yet I do not seek what he does._

 

“What place?” Hux asks, focusing on the strange undercurrents of this conversation rather than the fact that he has never seen this thing before. Ren offers no support or protection, no sign that he has seen this creature before. Hux will have to fix this on his own. The desire to run is still there, but with Hux’s hold on Ren, he knows he can’t leave him behind. Hux forces the fear down into his stomach, to be dealt with later. 

 

_A place beyond this one. You have seen it._

 

Hux narrows his eyes at the thing. “You’re not from Arkanis. You’re not from _Defiance_. You’re not from Ryoida. You’re not from the _Finalizer_. I’ve never been anywhere else.”

 

 _Yes, you have._

 

“When?”

 

The creature’s response to that is to slide its wings together, rustling the feathers together. A couple fall from the decaying wing and plummet to the ground. They do not float down as they should. Hux watches them fall on the floor of the cave, the familiar rustling echoing in his ears. 

 

He has heard of this sound before, in a conversation with Ren in a storage closet aboard the _Finalizer_. Hadn’t Ren rubbed the shoulder of his coat, making that familiar rustling? Hadn’t he spoken of it as though it were Hux?

 

But it couldn’t have been. 

 

Because Hux heard it, too. In a place darker than anything he had ever before seen. There was no starlight, in that place. Universal expansion had taken it so far away that the light could never make it back to Hux. 

 

Is this what the creature speaks of? 

 

“Dark matter. You come from dark matter.” 

 

 _From what remains, when the end comes._

 

Hux pulls Ren tighter to himself as his stomach drops. He glances at the creature’s talons, its teeth. They glitter black and blue. Hux can feel his hands, his shoulders shaking. 

 

“Why did you summon us? Why did you send us these numbers, these coordinates, if this is the end?” Why give us hope that our day is coming, if that isn’t true?

Hux’s voice gets louder, until he’s almost yelling. “Why did you lie to him, make him feel that Snoke still wanted him? Why didn’t you tell him the truth?” Hux’s voice chokes on itself, but he presses on, his rage blazing within him. “Don’t you know what you have _done_ to him!” he screams, pulling Ren’s body with him as he jerks his body forward. Ren is limp and follows Hux with no resistance. 

 

If this is the end, does it really matter if Hux tells the creature these things? Hux heaves in deep breaths as he stares up at the creature’s glittering eyes. He does not blink. 

 

Surprisingly, the creature doesn’t react. Instead, it curls its legs underneath itself, the detached tendons swinging like rope with the movement, and pushes itself up to sit on its back legs. From this angle, Hux can see the creature’s empty rib cage and abdomen. Thin muscle coats the largest ribs, but it looks like it has been scraped away by an especially dull knife. Hux looks away from the carnage, back up at the creature’s skull. 

 

 _I had to come into his mind or he would have destroyed himself in Snoke’s absence. I am similar enough to Snoke that I did not correct him, even as he called me Master. A lie of omission is often more effective than the spoken truth. You know this well._

 

Hux can’t deny that statement. He has lied, in the past, to Ren, to his crew, to himself because it was easier and much more successful than the truth. He had told Ren in that medbay that it wasn’t his fault. Hux knew it was a lie the moment he thought of it, yet he said it anyway. 

 

Why?

 

Because it was more effective. Because, like Ren said aboard the _Upsilon_ , he would have destroyed himself if he thought Hux had abandoned him completely. 

 

Snoke isn’t here. Hux thinks he never was meant to be here. Ren has been chasing a delusion, all this time. Hux feels relieved that Ren isn’t awake to know this, not right now when Hux doesn’t know what to do. He has never been exiled like this. 

 

Hux lowers Ren’s head from his shoulder, so that it’s cradled in his lap. Ren’s face is slack in its unconsciousness. 

 

Hux is grateful that Ren does not hear his declaration. “So he truly has been abandoned by his master.”

 

_Yes. But I came in. And so did you._

 

“Why did you help him?” Hux asks, his eyes on Ren’s eyelashes. He runs a finger over them, not even touching the eyelid. “Why didn’t you let him destroy himself?”

 

_Because the universe is dying. And Snoke is causing it._

 

Hux jerks his head away from Ren’s, his eyes wide. “What?” 

 

Hux can’t say anything more beyond that. The creature has to be lying. Something as pervasive as the universe should not be undone by one thing’s actions, be it a creature from dark matter. It simply isn’t possible. 

 

 _Don’t lie to yourself. You have seen it._

 

Where? When? Hux doesn’t have that power to see the universe as an entity with a beginning and end. He can’t live that long, not even to see a star being born out of a nebula or a planet born of a star’s gravity. Where had Hux seen it, in the thin sliver of his own life compared to the infinite universe?

 

 _You have seen a neutron star born out of a machine and you do not question it? You have seen your ship fall from the in between and you do not question it? You have heard of ships that will not fly, their engines corrupted on the subatomic level, and still you do not question? I did not think you a fool._

 

“There’re reasons for all of that,” Hux yells back, his voice overly loud in his panic. “The star was borne of geomagnetic and solar destabilization. My ship failed because of a pulsar from that neutron star. Those TIE fighters stopped working because of their quantum spin, because of that neutron star. There’s an explanation for all of that!” 

 

 _You are wrong. As your weapon died, it should have returned to its original stellar shape. It should have become a red giant once again, yet it did not. The particles went a different path, one that should not be possible._

 

“Then why is it possible?”

 

 _Because of Snoke. Because he acts on this plane where he should not. We don’t meddle in the individual affairs of any one person, of any one species. We may shape a system, we may give life to a star or planet, but we can never guide its lifeforms. Snoke goes beyond that, and the universe, the one you see, rejects him on a fundamental level, in the only way it knows how._

 

Hux realizes what the creature wanted to show him as he floated among the Hosnian system. It wasn’t an acknowledgement of his success; it was a warning of what will happen, when one day comes. Yet Hux feels nothing at this realization. He looks down at Ren, focuses on the dark moles covering his face like so many stars. He runs a hand over Ren’s cheek. 

 

“It will destroy itself,” Hux says, now tracing Ren’s lips with a gloved finger. The thought of the entire universe destroying itself does not strike fear in Hux’s stomach. It’s just a statement of fact, so incomprehensible in its vast size that Hux can’t assign any emotion to it. Thinking about it is like reading the death list of his officers and Stormtroopers: so large that it’s just a number on a datapad. 

 

_Yes._ The creature’s voice does not change. It resonates through the room and does not echo. It’s simply there. _But that is only one path._

 

Hux knows what the creature wants. “You need him,” Hux says to Ren. “You need him to fix this, somehow.” 

 

_I do._

 

“Why?”

 

 _He has the power I hold, yet can wield it here with no harm to the universe. Even now, as I only talk to you on this planet, the universe already rejects me._ The creature shakes its wings and even more feathers fall to the ground. It stretches out a decaying leg. Multiple tendons snap like rubber bands to slap back against the bone. _He will have to do what I cannot_. 

 

“Defeat Snoke?”

 

 _He can never defeat Snoke, not alone like he is. What they must do is convince the universe to let me in, just long enough so I can pull Snoke from this side and back to the other_. 

 

Hux realizes something then. The creature speaks of how it can’t survive in this side of the universe, even as briefly as it has existed thus far. Yet Snoke has always been present, ever since Hux heard his name spoken around a Ryoidan dinner table. And Ren had always said Snoke was on the horizon of his mind, waiting to answer if Ren were to call out for his help. There were never times that Snoke didn’t answer. Ren had told him this, sometime ago when Hux was still convinced that Snoke was good for the Order, good for Ren. 

 

“How do I know you aren’t lying to me? You said it was impossible to survive on this side without the universe destroying you. Yet Snoke has survived for many years.”

 

_Force users are a bridge. They are what connects this universe to the other side. I was able to speak through this man to you through this connection. And through this connection, this parasitic grip he created, Snoke can survive long enough to control the future of this universe_. More tendons break in the creature’s leg and it lies down. Apparently the weight of its body could not be supported by mere bone alone. _I don’t have a hold on any Force user. That is why I struggle now; I must rely on my old stores, just to survive in this place_. 

 

Old stores? So this creature has been here before, siphoning the energies of Force users so that it may survive here. The ships, the ones that never left. Their inhabitants were the unlucky ones, the ones who met their demise by this creature. Hux shivers and pulls Ren closer to himself, as if that would protect him from this creature’s will. 

 

 _Do not be afraid. He is much more important than that_. 

 

“You said that he can’t defeat Snoke alone. But I don’t have the Force. I could never control it like he can.” 

 

 _He will need you for reasons beyond the Force. He will have to confront what he has so long been running away from. He will need you as he meets them again_. 

 

“Who?” 

 

_There are two others, born into the Force just recently, who require his help in their quest. Already, they know of what I tell you, of what the universe is becoming. And already, they search, hoping for a solution to appear to them soon, one better than what they received on the planet with many islands_. 

 

Hux knows exactly who the creature is speaking of, though he only thought the scavenger had her awakening aboard his Starkiller; her beginning he had seen in a dream, on Jakku. The Stormtrooper, the one he had heard of through Ren on the _Finalizer’s_ bridge. He has the Force, as well. And he must have woken up on Starkiller, if he survived his fight with Ren. 

 

No wonder he broke from the programming so easily. “Why does he need them?” Hux asks. “Why these two specifically?” There have to be enough Force users left over in the galaxy after the slaughter. Why not use them? 

 

 _There is one who stays in the dark and fears the light that chases them from a distant star. There is one who stays in the light, running from the darkness that always pursues them. And there is one who walks in the in between, tipping from one side to the next but never falling one way or the other. At once, coming together from two sides, they will unite in their power to remove Snoke from this universe_. 

 

“No.”

 

_No?_

 

“Ren flew from that place, from that side, long ago.” Hux says very simply. “But the traitor Stormtrooper and scavenger flew to that place. He wouldn’t want to go back there.” Hux glances down and brushes a hand over Ren’s forehead, sweeping his hair off his forehead. “That wouldn’t be what he wanted,” he says to Ren.

_Are you speaking for him or for yourself?_

 

Hux looks up sharply. “Excuse me?” 

 

_Your hatred. It must be cast aside, for him to succeed._

 

Hux actually _laughs_ at these words, huffing breaths of air that contain no humor whatsoever. “You think I can cast that aside? Ignore what they have done? No.”

 _You are blinded_. 

 

“They _celebrated_ as we starved!” Hux yells, enraged. “I _saw_ them, don’t lie to me and say that it didn't happen. Corsucant, Naboo, Yavin, all the rest of the planets, celebrating in their streets, flying their banners, food spilling out of their homes like the organs of a cut-open belly. You think I can go to them and lie on my stomach, face in the dirt, and ask them for help?”

 

 _Hate is just another resource_. 

 

Hux ignores what the creature as just said. It isn’t important. “I _saw_ them. I _felt_ them spit on me, spit on us, curse us, wish us for dead. You think I can turn around and help them in any way? Why should I not just let them perish this way?” Hux leans in closer, his lip curled in a snarl. “Why should I spare _any_ of them?”

 

 _He needs them._

 

“He has me.” Hux says. His hands tighten on Ren’s head and shoulders. “I’ll be enough.” Even if he doesn’t have the Force, it has to be enough. Hux can’t give anymore besides what he has already given. 

 

The creature says what Hux has been fearing. 

 

_Not in everything. Not in the Force._

 

Never before has Hux wanted the Force as much as he wants it now. If he had even the slightest bit of control over it, he could give Ren what he needs. They could go from here, go far away from the Force and Snoke and the admirals that still pursue Hux. This creature could find some other Force user who fits into the prophecy or whatever the fuck that was. Ren has done enough, has given enough. He doesn’t need to give anymore. 

 

 _He will need you when he wakes. And so will they. Your story is theirs._

 

“They destroyed my base, my ship. They almost killed him, left him to die in the snow.” Hux says this with so little emotion, already resigned to what he has to do. But it’s for Ren. It’s all for Ren. “They caused all of this. Why should I let them get away with it?”

 

_It is never one person’s fault. You know this well._

 

Hux thinks back to Ryoida, to Alekta’s speech to him beside _Scarlet_. The first thing she had said was that she didn’t blame him for any of this, for lying to her about the admirals and his reason for coming to Ryoida. She said it was everyone’s fault that his Starkiller had failed, that the Resistance had won, that the fighting continues even though Hux’s weapon should have broken the Resistance’s spirit and ended the war. 

 

“I destroyed the Hosnian System. They won’t forgive me for that.” Hux already knows the Resistance is taking the destruction of the Hosnian System personally, if his conversation with Dameron was any indication. He can’t think of any situation where the idealistic Resistance would look beyond its strict morals at what needed to be done. 

 

 _They will be desperate. And they will look beyond the conflict of two sides and instead at the Force. It will tell them what to do._

 

Hux looks down at Ren’s head, lolling slightly in his lap. Half of him wishes Ren was awake so he could help in this decision, one that will affect both of their lives so tremendously. If they follow the creature’s lead, they would be traitors to the Order. They would be hunted across the galaxy, by the admirals and Ren’s knights and Snoke and likely even the Resistance. Hux doesn’t know if he can trust the Stormtrooper or scavenger; he has never met them in person. If Ren were awake, he would know. He has been in both of their minds, briefly in the Stormtrooper’s and longer in the scavenger’s. Ren would know which direction to take. 

 

But isn’t there only one? There is nothing for Hux to go back to in the Order. The admirals have convinced Snoke of his supposed treachery, made him a scapegoat. Hux can’t go back, even with Ren at his side. They aren’t powerful enough to fight alone against an organization like the Order. 

 

This is the only way. And yet Hux still wants to deny it, to find another way. 

 

But there is no other way. No alternate solution that is hiding in the corner of his mind. No convoluted answer offered by Ren. No unspoken guidance from Alekta, leading Hux to the correct answer that’s right in front of him. 

 

And still Hux refuses to agree. 

 

 _You remind me of the first Force user._

 

Hux doesn’t look up. His focus is on Ren. He wants him to wake up, but he won’t. 

 

_He was afraid, like you._

 

“I’m not afraid.”

 

 _You have always been afraid._

 

Hux doesn’t say anything back to the creature. It speaks the truth. Hux doesn’t know why he tried to deny it. He has never been good at lying. 

 

 _He came to me from a world that was dying, that was soon to be incinerated by its sun. He heard my voice in his head, and when he came to me, he was afraid, but not of me. He was afraid of what he had seen happen to his world, through the visions of the Force. He felt my power resonant in his mind, and he thought I could save him, save his world._ The creature tilts its head up to the hole in the dome, at the sister planet that is suspended in the sky. _But if I did, other worlds would die. I told him he could save his world, with help from others with this power._ The creature’s wings flutter down, rustling as they fold against its skeletal body. _But he was the first. There was no one else to help him_. 

 

“What happened to his world?” 

 

 _When he left with his mission, I did not hear from him until the very end, when his screams echoed through the universe like the death keels of a star bursting into supernova. His world was incinerated by its star, by what had given it light and life for billions of years. I saw the star burst, from this very spot._ The creature tilts his head away from the planet suspended in the sky and back at Hux. _His world died so that others could live. Do you understand what this means?_

 

Hux shakes his head. It just sounds like failure to him. This person had failed in his mission and thus condemned his world to die. That isn’t what Hux wants.

 _It means that the first Force user, the first of his kind among your species, could see a future worth sacrificing himself for. He gave his life, his world, for this belief, that one day, far in a future he could not see, it would be worth it._

 

Hux’s eyes widen at the familiar declaration. “How do you know those words?” They are supposed to be Hux’s words, gifted to him like his X-wing. They were always his. 

 

 _Because they are true. Because they are all that he had as his world incinerated around him. Because they are all you have left when your world is taken, when you are chased across the galaxy by those who despise you. Because one day, in a future far from this present, everything that has happened will be worth it by the very end._

 

“Was it worth it, for him?” Hux doesn’t know if he’s referring to the first Force user or someone else, someone who flew in second to the right, every time until he suddenly didn’t. 

 

The creature emits a sound that is akin to a rattling hiss. The sound clicks against its exposed bones. The creature stands with difficulty. Its tendons snap in one of its legs, but the creature does not fall. _You are still here, are you not?_

 

Yes. Hux is still here, after everything, after all the Republic and the admirals and Snoke and the universe has thrown at him. He is still here, with Ren held in the protective hold of his arms, sitting before this great creature from the other side of the universe, the dark side, a place Hux had never considered livable.

Hux had to take one biology course at the Academy. It was a requirement for all officers, something about it being a remnant of the Empire’s teaching. They had done many things because of the Empire, in the First Order. 

 

In the class, on the very first day, Hux had walked in, still skittish from a confrontation with Addarus’ son about Hux’s food stash depleting. He had sat down in a converted board room aboard the _Defiance_ and stared up at his professor, who was so very tall from where Hux sat. Hux can still remember the very first thing his professor had said:

 

_“Life is tenacious. Life is bold. Life exists in the lava pits of Mustafar. It exists in the frigid poles of Hoth, dormant and waiting for sunlight to return there in the spring. Life exists in all variants of temperature, in all environments, within and on the surface of planets. Some life even exists in space itself, waiting to be pulled into a planet’s orbit and fall into its atmosphere, so it can give life there, too._

 

_“But the most important aspect of life, one that is true for all of its variants, is that it will never cease. It will push on, unbowed, unbroken, until the end of times when the universe collapses back in on itself."_

 

_Hux’s professor had laughed then, startling the class. There wasn’t much to be joyful about on this Destroyer. “Perhaps, even then, life will persist in the darkness left behind.”_

 

Hux looks at the creature, the thing that persists in the darkness left behind. 

 

Hux’s professor was right. Life is tenacious, life is bold. Life exists in the darkness.

 

Hux breathes in deeply, feels his lungs expand. His heart beats steadily in his chest, like the humming of a ship’s engine, but so much more than that. So much stronger, persisting even as the ships fail around him, even as his _Finalizer_ , so beautiful and strong, fails too. 

 

The creature, upon sensing Hux’s determination, lifts its head up into a great roar. It echoes off the walls of the cave, sounding like so many TIE fighters taking off at once, screaming through the air before being silenced by space. 

 

Through this great sound, beyond the echoes this sound makes against the walls, Hux hears a consistent beat within his chest, within Ren’s chest, urging him forward, saying to him: 

 

 _Keep going. Keep going. You are alive. Stay alive, for just another day, for one day, far in the future, you will see the great brilliant light of a beginning and think yes, yes, this is me, this is why I have survived, this is why I have fought for so long, just to see the radiance of this new star, my star, being born_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"My God, it's full of stars."_ \- 2001: A Space Odyssey
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: There is going to be a sequel! Do not worry, my readers, we have not left this verse just yet!! :D


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